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Sweet Whispers
Category: TV Shows » Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Censor: PG13 Reviews: 7
Author: chocoholic
Sweet Whispers
K, chuckyeggs, more Xander, more angst and more reviews please!!
Disclaimer: I do not own any1 in BTVS and all the situations in this fic. Are entirely fictional. I also dont own V.Andrews.
Summery: Xanders funeral. Defiantly the most depressing and angsty fic. Ive ever posted. But my friends said that after this Im not allowed 2 write anymore where he dies so I thought Id milk it a bit.
Author: Chocoholic
Ship: Dunno yet
Buffy sat in the stuffy but beautiful church long after the other mourners had gone.
She knew that she would never be able to let go of the guilt and the grief that held her in its terrible clutches.
Hed killed himself. How had she let it happen? She saved people everyday, so why couldnt she save someone so close to her?
She looked at the yet un-read suicide note that a tearful willow had given her.
Dear Willow and Buffy,
How do I start this?
Please dont be mad at me. I cant go on like this. Theres so much you dont know about me.
And its all my fault. Thats what my dad says; everything in his sucky life is my fault.
So remember, its my fault, not yours. You didnt know, you couldnt, I work too hard to stop the pain from showing.
Even after Anya was died. I know you guys never liked her. You thought our relationship was just lust. But, oh, it wasnt. In the end it was like we knew exactly what the other was thinking, feeling.
But getting hit by a truck is a demeaning way for an ex-demon to die. She had to lie in that hospital bed for hours before she died, and I could feel her pain. And afterwards, you guys didnt understand when I pretended like nothing had happened, when I laughed and joked like normal.
And on to my parents. Did you know that almost everyday of my life Ive been beat up by one of them? Never on my face, just on my body. I dont know why they hated me, but I know it had something to do with my twin sister, Sassy.
Shes so beautiful, even if she was sickly from the start. Thats why you wouldnt remember her Will; she was always in hospital, though I think you met her once.
We werent identical in looks, far from it, but we had this bond, yknow? When she was in hospital I didnt feel whole. She was the most precious thing in the world to me. I would have given my life to save her; I gave her anything she wanted to make her more comfortable. And when she was away, I started pretending. Pretending to be happy and a clown when all I really wanted was to sit down and cry. Cry for all the times my parents fought or hit me or locked me in the basement for hours in the dark and the damp and the fear.
But she was so beautiful and I loved her, I took care of her and I played with her and I was so happy to have someone who understood me to play with.
She died on June 13th when she was 11 years old. Stupid to have been dieing since you were born.
Dont get any sick ideas like stuff in a Virginia Andrews book; I loved her as a sister. But from the day she died I could never be whole again, never be happy. And I was just a child. Not fair, not fair to have my other half taken away from me at such a young age.
Now Willow knows some of the rest. She knows how every friend I made except for her has died. I hate Sunnydale, they all died from vampires, monsters, curses ECT. Even Jesse, who you met Buffy.
And every time something happens my parents get crueller and the beatings and punishment gets harsher.
And you know what the worst part is? I SHOULD HAVE SAVED THEM! Thats what I hear in my head every second and from my parents every night. I dont know how when I didnt even know about things like magic, but there must have been a way.
I should have been the sick one, not Sassy, should have known about Sunnydale, should have walked Anya home instead of have one last drink
So now I have to go, the pain is just too much now, I cant put you guys in danger just because everyone I love dies.
Cos I love you two. You are my best friends in the whole world, and maybe I should have told you more, but like I said, I pretend.
After I take the pills, itll all be ok.
Goodbye,
Xander, the key guy
Buffy laughed at the last bit, but her face was drenched in tears. Xander who shed taken for granted as not having any of the problems or responsibilities that she had, had been suffering in silence for all his life. She walked out to find that the burial had finished. She knelt down next to the fresh grave standing next to its twin grave for Sassy, and in front of Anyas.
Alexander LaVelle Harris, born 1981 died 2001, he is now at peace at last
Buffy laid down the flowers that had been especially picked for her best friend in the entire world.
Maybe I didnt love you quite as good as..
Buffy started to sing extremely quietly threw her tears, missing out half the lines.
You were always on my mind she laughed tearfully, You were always on my mind
And in her ear she felt a soft, sweet whisper, I know Buffy
I love you.
THE END!
OK, I just let my mind run away there but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. And dont flame, it is just childish.
K, BYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Review Story ( be a responsible reader and write a review)
Title: Sweet Whispers
Name: chocoholic (Signed Review)
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