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WHY XANDER IS BEST IN BUFFY
factfile
QUOTES
WHAT HE DID AFTER GRADUATION
MY FANFICS
Was it worth the price
Xanders Thoughts
sweet whispers
OTHER PEOPLES FANFICS
slayerettes plee
When angels cry
LINKS AND SISTER SITES
A new start
Death of me
babysitting
POLLS
PICTURES
ABOUT ME
children
My bedclothes are retarded
This Changing World
The Xander Claus
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| Children |
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| CHILDREN ANGST. GILES. U KNOW THE STORY. Buffy. She seldom suprises me anymore. I've stopped expesting her to obey my orders, or even obey good sense. I miss her. She hasn't been to see me for a month. I read this back and it sound awful, but i don't feel *that* way about her. It's more like she's my child. The sweet daughter with blond ringlets that i never had. But since Ive got to know her I've realised how pathetic the sweet ringletted people are who stay soppy little girls forever. She has so much charecter it bursts out of her, it might be scary if she didn't have slaying to take away the energy. She supports me without knowing, just seeing her makes me strong and makes me forget my past. Makes me think that maybe, just maybe i can make up for my days as 'Ripper' and fight for the side of good and win. My eyes are getting tired from writing in my journal this late at night. What was i going to write? Oh, ofcoarse,my Willow. She'd be really mad if she knew i'd nearly forgotten her. Even though she seems to have forgotten me.... My other daughter, slightly more down to earth than my slayer. I was never scared of her, like i was at the begining with Buffy. Willow isn't an appropriate name for her. Maybe some might think it was, but in many ways she's stronger than all of us. After Jenny died, it was Willow who i knew i could allways lean on, she helped me survive by helping me grip onto the threads of joy i had left. And when Oz left, i wanted to do the same for her, but i couldn't. I've never been good with people, even when i was a rebel. Never knew the right thing to say, the right way to comfort. But like i said, she doesn't come by here anymore. I feel like i have lost my daughters to life. That sounds stupid and old now, but it's how i feel. They may not be my true blood but does that really matter? Xander comes here often. The first time he came I didn't know why, thought there must be some demon, worried about My Slayer and My Willow. But he'd just come because he was lonely. Ofcoarse he didn't say that, he's Xander, his main claim to talent is being able to brush things off easily, but i could see it. They forgotten him too. I asked him why he'd come and he said that he was sick off staying in his parents basement waiting for the phone to ring. He said it jokingly, but ironically too. The next time he came we got talking about his parents and Jenny. Don't ask how we got onto the subject, i don't know, but it turns out he has much more pain inside him than anyone imagened. I think he found out that about me aswell. We've grown closer, and the way i think of him has changed. He's not immature and silly, he's a sweet boy who is hurting too much. I've never thought of him as my son until recently. Then i realised why, it was because i never bothered to find out. About cordeilia or Oz ethier. Or really that much about Buffy or Willow. they're just open. We talked about that boy called Jesse. Xander has never cried for his best friend, never even spoke his grief aload. I find that sad. He holds things inside to much, and the other day it sort of came out, he started talking about it and then it was like he remembered i was here and he just ran out the building. My poor son. I want him to have the happiness he has been denyed and deserves. He's so young. My poor family, ripped apart, when we used to be so close. There was me and Buffy and Willow and Xander all in the library eating disgusting snack foods every dinner time, and now there's just me alone with my thoughts, and every so often a date or an old friend i just met up with. I'm so lonely. I think it's Buffy i miss the most. She was the one who held us together and led us forward into the future and it greeted us with open arms. Now my eyes seem to be closing themselves and i feel sleep over whelming me; i like sleeping. In that strange state of unconsousness where i can dream of the past and the future. After writing this it seems more hopeful. K, NOW REVEIW! |
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