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Yo Mama Jokes
Yo Mama Jokes 1
Yo Mama Jokes 2
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Long Blond Jokes

THREE BLONDES WENT TO HEAVEN

Three blondes went to heaven. They stopped at the great gate. St Peter said "Okay, for you all to be let into heaven you must each answer a question correctly." The blondes all nodded at each other. "You first," he said pointing to the first blonde. "What is Thanksgiving?"
"Oh that's the day when our family gets a big pine tree and we decorate it and celebrate the birth of Christ."
"No. Go to hell." said St. Peter. "Now you," he continued pointing at the next blonde "what is Christmas?"
"Oh, Christmas is when when get a day off to cook turkey and sit around the table and eat with our family and give thanks for what we have."
St. Peter sighed, "Nope. Go to hell." He turned his head gingerly to the last and only blonde left. He sighed again. "What is Easter?"
"Oh geez, what an easy question!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. That's when Jesus was nailed onto a big cross by the Romans and after he died they put him in a cave and closed it off with a boulder."
"Wow! Good job."
"Wait, I'm not done yet. And every year they roll away the boulder and if Jesus sees his shadow there'll be six more weeks 'til spring."

FIFTY-ONE DAYS

One day at regular bar, two blondes entered and ordered a bottle of champayne and 5 glasses. They sat at a table and started chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days." A short time later another blonde entered carrying a framed picture. The other two poured her a glass of champayne and the chanting continued louder this time "51 days, 51 days, 51 days." In another moment, another two blondes entered and sat at the table fixing themselves a glass of wine. And the chanting continued "51 days, 51 days, 51 days." Finally the bartender decided he was gonna find out what was happening in 51 days. He walked up and said "What's up in 51 days."
the blonde who brought in the picture to the framed picture and said "Oh, we bought this puzzle at K-mart 51 days ago to prove the blondes aren't so stupid."
"Did you prove it?" The bartender asked.
"Yep."
"How so?"
"On the box it says 2-4 years but we finished the puzzle in 51 days."

40 MILES TO THE MAIN LAND

A blonde, a brunett and a red-head were on an island 40 miles away from the main land with no transportation, food or knowledge on how to catch food. After a day the red-head decided she was going to try to swim to the main land. She swim 5 miles decided she couldn't make it and she drown. The next day, the brunett tried to swim to the main land. She swim 10 miles, decided she couldn't make it and she drown. The day after, the blonde decided to try to swim to the main land. She swam 20 miles and decided she couldn't make it, so she swam back to the island.

BUCKING BRONCO

A blonde was riding a horse. It was bucking and going mad. She slipped and was under the horse held on only by her saddle. The horse went wilder. Bucking, jumping and draging the blonde with it. The blonde was just about to fall off when....
The Walmart manager came up and unplugged the machine.

CORNFIELD

A blonde was driving on the highway when she passed a cornfield and saw another blonde rowing a boat through the field. She got out of the car, stood at the end of the field and shouted, "You're the kind of person that gives us blondes a bad name! If I had a row boat I'd come out there and kick your ass!!"

CHALK WHITE CIRCLE

A trucker was driving his truck one day down the highway. A blonde in a BMW cut him off. He got really mad and drove her off the road and got outta the truck. She got outta the BMW and the trucker started yelling at her. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" The blonde just laughed at him. So he went in his truck, grabbed a piece of chalk and drew a white circle and said, "Stand in that circle and don't move!" The blonde nodded her head. He went back to his truck, grabbed a knife and slashed the tires on the blonde's BMW, he ripped the leather seats apart and tore out the fluff. He went back to the blonde who was just laughing her head off. "What's so funny?!" he commanded but she kept laughing. So he went back to his truck, took out a bat and went back to the BMW. He smashed in the roof, busted the glass and destroyed the rim. He went back to the blonde who was laughing even harder than before. "Errr. Now I'm mad!" the trucker screamed at her. He pounded back to his truck, picked out a can of gasoline and dreched the BMW in it. Then he chucked a lighted match on the car and it lit up. He went back to the blonde. She was laughing harder than ever before. "What's so god damn funny?!" when she didn't reply he said, "Tell me, Dammit!"
Finally she said, "Well, *laugh* when you weren't looking, *laugh* I stepped out *laugh* of the circle three times!"


One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw a sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally reached the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.

Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. The first blonde said, You know, "those look like deer tracks." The other blonde said, "No, silly, those are moose tracks." They were still arguing about it when a train hit them.

A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing her jigsaw puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said 2-5 years.

One day, two blondes were driving to Disneyland. As they passed through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway that said, Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went home.

A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were all walking down the street. All of a sudden, they saw a $10 bill lying on the ground. Luckily for the dumb blonde, she was able to get to the money first, her friends didn't exist.

Blondes are too biased. It's always, Buy us this, buy us that!

I once knew a suicidal blonde, she dyed by her own hands.

A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into: six or twelve. "Oh, goodness, six please," said the blonde. "I don't think I could ever eat twelve.

One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie." The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"

On a hot summer day, an angry blonde woman was brought into the hospital with severe burns on her mouth and lips. When the doctors asked her what had happened, she said that she had caught her boyfriend with another woman, so she had tried to retaliate by blowing his car up.

A blonde woman became very depressed when she looked at her driver's license and saw that she had an F in sex.

Once upon a time, there was a blonde who had six young boys, all of whom she named 'Jimmy'. One day, her aunt asked, "Why did you name all of these boys 'Jimmy'?" The blond said, "So I can keep track of 'em." The aunt gave her a wild look. "So you can keep track of 'em? How the heck can you do that when they're all named 'Jimmy'?" The blonde looked at her aunt, shrugged and said, "No problem, I just call them by their last names."






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