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(8:00 am--Tony Schiavone's alarm clock goes off)
Tony: Ahhhhh, what a good night's sleep. It was the best sleep in the history of all sleep!
Tony's Wife: Do you mind, I'm trying to sleep.
Tony: I'm going to go downstairs and get myself the greatest breakfast of all breakfasts!
Tony's Wife: Alright, just stop yelling.
(10:00 am--Tony Schiavone sits at the table eating)
Tony's Wife: What are you still doing here? I thought you said you were going to eat 2 hours ago?
Tony: These past 2 hours have been the greatest 2 hours ever! I had the greatest breakfast in the history of great breakfasts!
Tony's Wife: You've been sitting here eating for 2 hours?
(horn honks)
Tony: Oh my goodness fans! That must be Mike Tenay and Bobby Heenan! It's time to get into the best car of all cars and head over to WCW!
(In the car)
Heenan: Hey Tony.
Tenay: Tony.
Tony: Thank you for the warm reception fans! That was the greatest greeting I have ever witnessed!
Tenay: Yeah...
Heenan: So, Tony, how's the wife and kids?
Tony: Last night my wife gave me the greatest blowjob in the history of this great sport!
Heenan: .....
Tony: Everything has gotten quiet fans! I think it's a little too quiet! Never know when the NWO might show up!
Tenay: What's a blowjob?
Heenan: .....
(10:45 am--WCW Headquarters)
Lee Marshall: Hello Mike, Tony...Weasel.
Tony: Well Well, it's Lee Marshall for out 1-800-Collect Road Report! What news do you have for us today, Lee!
Lee: Bischoff wants to see you in his office.
Tony: In a second fans! Let me just change this sweaty shirt! Even though it is the greatest shirt I have ever worn!
(Tony takes off his shirt)
Lee: Oh my!
Heenan: Good God!
Tony: Gentlemen, you are looking at the finest pair of breasts in this history of this great sport!
Lee: I think I'm going to be sick!
(Lee Marshall runs to the bathroom)
(Diamond Dallas Page walks by)
DDP: Yikes!
(11:15 am--Eric Bischoff's office)
Eric: Tony, I need to talk to you about something.
Tony: Well, if it isn't Eric Bischoff! The leader of the NWO! The greatest leader of the NWO ever, but still the leader of the NWO! I don't want anything to do with you!
Eric: This isn't Nitro, this is real life.
Tony: What the fucks going on here?!
Eric: Look Tony, just calm down. All I want to do is talk to you about your job.
Tony: Ric Flair beat you! He's the boss, Bischoff! The greatest boss in the history if this great sport!
Eric: Look, just get out of my office.
Tony: This has been the greatest moment in the history of my great life!
(Bischoff shakes his head)
(12:36 pm--At the soda machine. Tony is sipping a Diet Pepsi as Hollywood Hogan walks up)
Hogan: Hey Tony.
Tony: Help! NWO!
Hogan: Look, I don't want any trouble, brother. Just a soda.
Tony: Can we get some security out here now?! It's the NWO, fans!
Hogan: Calm down.
(Tony throws the can of soda at Hogan's head and runs away)
(1:24 pm--The Parking Lot)
Tony: Dammit! That was the greatest soda in the history of this great sport!
(Kevin nash's car pulls up next to Tony)
Nash: You need a ride, Schiavone?
Tony: Keep on moving, buster! I'll walk thank you very much!
(7:45 pm--Tony Schiavone's House)
Tony's Wife: Where have you been? I just called WCW and they told me you left at 12:30. That was over 7 hours ago.
Tony: I just took the greatest walk of all walks and boy did it feel good! I've never felt better in my entire life!
Tony's Wife: We live 4 blocks from WCW, and you've been walking for 7 hours?
Tony: Yes!
(Tony's 5 year old son steps into the room)
Tony: Well if it isn't the greatest son in the history of the Schiavone Family!
Tony's 7 year old son: What about me dad?
Tony: You heard me!
Tony's 5 year old boy: Daddy, I got an A on my math test today! It was the greatest A in the history of the school!
Tony: Well fans, this has truly been the greatest day in the history of my great life. We're out of time! See you on Thursday!
(9:45 pm--Tony's Bathroom)
Tony: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! That was the greatest crap I have ever taken in the history of this great sport! Time for bed!

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Richard Dunn
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Page Updated Tue Feb 8, 2000 8:13am EST