MY LIFE BETWEEN 5-10 YEARS OLD When I was young my life was normal, mom would go off to work then my dad would leave for work. Mom comes home my later dad would come home then have/hit the beer hard. Later being drunk he would just go to sleep while mom of course sleeps on the couch. (she hasn't slept in the bed for a while now.) So when the weekend comes our dad would go through a lot of alcohol that dad. So during this he would take us to Grandmas or our Uncle Rocky or our Uncle Dave's. All of this is happening under the liquor. I never really thought of it when he drove I thought he drove fine (for being a cook), for example we hit mud puddles at about 40mph down a dirt road so on and so forth. When he at home working by himself he be cranky cause I think he think nothing ever worked right. For witnessing this everyday of my life I just couldn't believe while being in Robinson Elementary School I come to realize I had one friend she was great. So sometimes we go over to her house b/c her and my dad was a just buddy. While at there house of course they both hit the liquor and well they both would be mad. I did though think my dad was cool when we worked in the woods we had on our 24-acre property. That was cool, b/c there we a lot of great hiding places. I was also the class clown of about everything for example I had a name called the cootie catcher. Which means I go running around pretending I kiss boys and trying to hug them. (like a mom sorta way)During my elementary times at school I’ve been called to the office so many times for a young one you wouldn’t believe! I am called to the office for people thinking I looked up their pants when I was going up the climbing toy. (well where do you look when you look up and someone’s up there.) so I was called to the office for that, and well it didn't make my life any easier for the world of it. So they always be calling my mom which made her mad and the thing is I never did any of this shit! except for cootie catcher which was true then I quiet in 4th grade. Well I'll always be on the rocks either at school or anywhere else. During all the years of my dad being drunk my Grandma would have kidney problems she had a kidney transplant when I was about 6yrs. old. While my mom was having stress about that and work my grandpa got sick from cancer and died. (prostate) So I thought my life would never be a happy living thing. When I got older after my grandpa died my grandma started having kidney failure which lead to Dialysis for 9 years. During this my grandma was having chest pains cause she does so she went to the hospital the doctors decided then to take her to Wisconsin to have heart surgery. 100% successful!

My life between 11-16 So after my grandma had successful heart surgery she later started getting very ill which lead to death due to the fact the heart was giving out and that she had ovarian cancer. She passed in 1998. This took a big affect on me due to the fact I was pretty much failing middle school by then. During all this chaos my mom and my dad got into a big argument b/c he wanted to take us home from uncle Rocky's house. so when everyone got home my mom did win and brought us home, this happened so quickly and was very confusing. so my mom and dad start to yell mainly my mom, this is while my dad had the "good" stuff in his hand (not really) so my sis starts to cry so I go into her room and try to calm her down. Mom then comes into the room yelling at us to get some things, and that we're getting the hell out of here. So mom looked for hotels that we could stay at. Thankfully I suggested that we sleep at Grandmas house (same one that died). Luckily God must have been on our side b/c yes WE went there and slept later moving in. We lived there for three years while dad not wanting to move lived in the other house. While this all happened they divorced and Mom got a court order for us to see him he must be silber. (yeah right is what I thought sometimes) So then dad said he needed something cheaper and smaller to live in so we all go house hunting my sis and me and of course him. We looked at three houses. WE decided on one and he moved in and we moved in. While still living at Grandma she well as you read above gets sick and passes. So then it's off to the moving again so mom now looks for a house. WE found one in Fennville decided no so then we moved to Holland were I still live today. So after we moved we went to West Ottawa which was not good for me. I started having issues with Depression and suicide thoughts I almost even got kicked out of school. For drawing a gun pointing to me, then having it is shot. I also made a list of guys I thought were cute, and well some men thought it was a hit list and then told someone so I got in trouble for that. Later then men ravaged through my stuff hoping they found something good. They found my list and well they scratch off their name. Knowing me I just put them back on, again. While this was all going on I found out my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer which fucking sucked but well that’s life. So yeah I went through a non-professional therapist who couldn't cure me since I went to her three times. So yeah during all this time my life sucked. SO when I was at West stupid Ottawa I found that no one what so ever gave me sympathy, if you ever saw me in west Ottawa I was mainly quiet and well when a cute guy came around is the only time I couldn't speak. Thankfully my mom had a meeting with someone, which didn't go so well but luckily she said screw West Dumb Ottawa and decided to move me here.

My life from 15-now So my mom moved me to Holland Christian High School and my sis to South Olive Christian School which is a small school. I did so bad at West Ottawa my mom held me back. So I did freshman year all over again. (yippy) While I was at Holland Christian High School my faith in Church was holding steady. It was hard to make friends b/c well I’ve changed schools three times now hoping for a new start which got me no where but just a black hole sometimes. I was still suffering depression, because my freshman year my dad died which made life extremely hard because I knew I would never get to do big things in life with him. Like drive a car and watch me get my license, which just broke me. My depression got "bad" enough that I even I even thought of how to kill myself had the weapon of choice a silver gun with a black handle. Yeah that all thanks to public schools no less. So while developing my faith I discovered new meaning with respect and that there actually good guys in life. During me growing up I Professed my Faith in church loud and proud on May 1, 2005. Freshman year though was hard cause I was still suffering depression, which I think I still do today even if I am on my medicine for it. (when I take it) Growing up though now I’ve notice after having a professional diagnosed me (with aspergers and add and adhd, (both mild cases)) I realized I’m much more confident in myself but I still to myself will always be a class clown.