Selphie Tilmitt VS. Yuffie Kisaragi - Playstation - http://maxpages.com/ultimaforces/Selphie_vs

Rachel: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I am Rachel the great.
Katie: And I'm Katie the psycho.
Rachel: Tonight we bring the most gruesome fights of all time. Final Fantasy VII vs. Final Fantasy VIII.
Katie: This should be good.
Rachel: Our first fight are 2 gals. Selphie Tilmitt vs. Yuffie Kisaragi.
Katie: Both are spunky. Both are sassy. And both are willing to crack each other's heads open.
Rachel: Our second fight consists of two powerful fighters, Zell Dincht vs. Tifa Lockheart.
Katie: That's very unusual for a fight.
Rachel: Tifa is a heartthrob to everyone in FF7 and a hotdog is a heartthrob to Zell in FF8.
Katie: Our 3rd fight is a big one. Seifer Almasy vs. Rufus Shinra.
Rachel: This should be good. They both have the same attitude and look alike.
Katie: Seifer thinks he's the best in the world, while Rufus literally OWNS the world.
Rachel and Katie: Ha, ha, ha.
Rachel: Fight #4 has Quistis Trepe vs. Red XIII.
Katie: What?! One's an animal and the other's a teacher! How is that a good fight?!
Rachel: Both are smart, powerful, and deadly in their ways.
Katie: OK. That should be very interesting to watch.
Rachel: Here a totally weird fight for #5. Biggs and Wedge from FF7 vs. Biggs and Wedge from FF8.
Katie: Biggs and Wedge from FF8 will win alright! Biggs in FF7 is a blooming idiot. Wedge in FF7 is a fat German boy who eats too much chocolate.
Rachel: But tonight will be special. For this fight, they will be fighting in 3D environments from both games.
Katie: Sweet. Next we have Aeris Gainsborough against Rinoa Heartilly.
Rachel: THAT should be interesting! Both are too nice to fight.
Katie: Not exactly. Right now, they are in the lab getting their brains switched. So Rinoa will fight like Aeris and Aeris like Rinoa.
Rachel: I will definitely enjoy this fight. Irvine Kinneas vs. Vincent Valentine. I don't care who wins.
Katie: Neither do I. The next fight are the 2 Cid's.
Rachel: Highwind and Krammer?! HIGHWIND WOULD KICK HIS BUTT!
Katie: Hey. I didn't want that fight. NORG did.
NORG: GO HIGHWIND! KILL KRAMMER!
Rachel: OK. Next we have a fight with Cait Sith and a secret fighter.
Katie: To find out who it is, be sure to watch the fight.
Rachel: Next we have President Deling against President Shinra.
Katie: With the help of Ultimecia, we will bring these 2 back from the dead and they will fight to their bloody deaths
Rachel: Speaking of Ultimecia, I know who will win this fight! Sephiroth will kill Ultimecia!
Katie: Yes. He did become a half-god, but Ultimecia have time-compression.
Rachel: WHO CARES!? SEPH IS THE MAN! HE'S GONNA WIN!
Katie: Now for our MAIN EVENT!
Rachel: The 2 heroes of the games, Squall Leonhart against Cloud Strife.
Katie: Who knows who will win.
Rachel: Well here come our fighters for the first fight.
Katie: In the blue corner, the little materia thief we hate so much, Yuffie Kisaragi!
Crowd: YEAH!
Rachel: And in the red corner, the little computer whiz of Balamb. Selphie Tilmitt!
Crowd: WOO-HOO!
Rachel: Referee Danielle will get this underway.
Danielle: OK you two! You can do whatever the heck you want, but NO CATFIGHTS! Let's get it on!
The bell rings.
Yuffie: You're going down Selphie!
Selphie: Nope! You are!
Yuffie: Just try me!
Selphie reaches for her Strange Vision. Only to find…
Selphie: They're gone!
Yuffie: Looking for these?
Rachel: Yuffie has stolen Selphie's nunchaku! I knew she could steal materia, but weapons?
Selphie: GIVE THEM BACK!
Yuffie: Come and get it!
Selphie chases Yuffie for her weapons. Yuffie throws it at them. The ends of the Strange Vision fly towards Selphie and pin her to the ground. Yuffie grabs her Conformer.
Yuffie: It's been nice knowing you!
Selphie: Oh yeah!
Selphie kicks Yuffie in the stomach. Yuffie drops her Conformer, but they pin Selphie's feet the ground.
Selphie: WHAT THE?!
Yuffie: HA! Time to execute with my…
Yuffie pulls out a weapon.
Yuffie: Origami swan? Hey! Who switched these?!
Galbadian Soldier(Holding Yuffie's Razor Ring): Now this is a mighty weird weapon.
Yuffie: Oh well. This will have to do. I will have to give you…paper cuts!
Selphie: You can't do that! (Glancing at Danielle)Can she?
Danielle: Hmmmm…I'll allow it!
Yuffie begins to slice Selphie's legs.
Selphie: STOP! I HATE PAPER CUTS!
Yuffie: Enjoy them while you can!
Selphie looks around. She sees Irvine.
Selphie: Irvine! I need your help!
Irvine: I'd like to, but I'm also rooting for Yuffie. Go Yuffie! Go Selphie! Go Yuffie! Go Selphie!
Selphie: IRVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
Yuffie grabs a Bolt materia and stuffs it in Selphie's mouth.
Yuffie: Shut your mouth!
Selphie spits it out and it goes into Yuffie's left eye.
Katie: I guess Yuffie should be called Materia Eye now.
Yuffie: You'll pay for that!
Selphie unpins herself from the nunchaku. She grabs Yuffie's Conformer and releases herself. She takes her nunchaku and pins Yuffie to the ground. She grabs the Conformer and slices Yuffie's head off.
Danielle: The winner is…Selphie Tilmitt.
Rachel: I was hoping Yuffie would win.
Katie: Me too. But we can't judge a book by it's cover, right?
Rachel: All but My Brother Sam is Dead. The title gave away the best part of the story.
Katie: Yep. Selphie's much stronger than what you think.
Rachel: Coming up next is…
?????????: This fight isn't over yet!
Katie: It seems as if Selphie is being challenged.
Rachel: It's Sephiroth!!
Sephiroth: You fight like a woman!
Selphie: I AM a woman you idiot!
Sephiroth: Not anymore. Now you're mashed bananas!
Sephiroth grabs his Massamune and slashes her consecutively. She collapses to the ground in pieces.
Danielle: The REAL winner is…Barret Wallace.
Katie: Now that's more like it! Better add Selphie Tilmitt to the list with My Brother Sam is Dead.
Rachel: You sure said it. After this break, we will continue on with our next fight, Zell Dincht against Tifa Lockheart.

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Page Updated Tue Apr 11, 2000 8:37pm EDT