"Everything happens for a reason and if you, if you stand right where you are now, and you look down and back to everything to all the events that lead up to you sitting in this room right now with me you'll see where the order is and where you are right now is pretty amazing. Where we all are, where I am right now is amazing."
- Johnny
"That cow stole my Grammy!"
- Johnny (on Celine Dion's win at the Grammys) *Thanks Morgan!*
"You put the Iowa with the H and the potato with an E and then we'll talk about things later."
- Johnny
"Dan Quail tried to get tickets after the Straw Polls and we told him to get lost. I was like, 'Shoo! You came in eighth in Iowa bro, you ain't gettin' tickets to MY show!"
- Johnny
"OK, here's what's gonna happen. When the guy snaps Flutie the ball, they're gonna put 'em up on a milk crate so he can reach the recievers!"
- Johnny
"HIKE! CRATE! THROW IT!"
- Johnny (goes alog with above. These guys are so silly!!)
"And you know what the cheap bastard did? He didn't give me a tip! I didn't even get one dollar down my t-shirt!"
- Johnny (on giving Mike a private table dance...hahaha!)
"...In his black cycling shorts..."
- Johnny (also about the table dance)
"I just want the Democrats out of my wallet and the Repulicans out of my bedroom!"
- Johnny
"Hold on. I have to adjust my headphones, they don't fit anymore."
- Johnny (after a girl congatulated them on 6 incredible albums...i thought that was great!)
"YEAH JEEVES!!!!!!!"
- Johnny (on the website for ask Jeeves)
"Sometimes I'm a f***-up but I'm working on that."
- Johnny
"Screw this, I'm going to college!"
- Johnny (after his first day being a plumber's assisstant)
"Robby's like the brother I never wanted."
- Johnny
"The disparity between being a 10-year-old boy playing air guitar, wishing I was a rock star, and the reality of the whole thing is insane."
- Johnny (he's soooo cool!)
"It's basically a B-52 bombers dropping Cadillacs out of them. Hopefully we won't bore anybody."
- Johnny (hehehe)
"And I love the guitar solo in 'Naked' 'cause I can't believe I actually pulled it off."
- Johnny
"...It takes me like nine and a half years to write a song, most of the time, generally, nine and a half sometimes..."
- Johnny (he's silly)
"You have no idea what it's like to get your ass kicked by four girls."
- Johnny (on is childhood with his four sisters)
"I, like, Madonna, must reinvent myself!"
- Johnny
"Why should Billy Corgan [of Smashing Pumpkins] be the only one who can pretend to be a genious?"
- Johnny (on his "deep" meaning of the title of 'Iris')
"OH! No, no, no, this is just my, uh, just my uh, teenage Catholic, sex anthem."
- Johnny (on 'Slide')
"I'm allowed to heckle myself if I want to, right?"
- Johnny
"Yeah, he [Beck] threw the gig off to his old man, cause you know, we weren't cool enough."
- Johnny (on Beck's dad helping with the record DUTG)
"BRING ON THE KAZOOS!"
- Johnny (on how they didn't have enough money to do some of the tricks in the studio while making DUTG)
"I was really starting to annoy the hell out of everyone."
- Johnny (on being a perfectionist for the record DUTG)
"...We can always edit that out...Oh no, we can't..."
- Johnny (after making a remark about lying down on a couch with the Goos.)
"After 'Name' I kinda felt, the analogy I used for that was, I bought a lottery ticket, the numbers came in, and everyone started applauding and going, 'Yeah, that's great man, you won the lottery!! Do it again.'"
- Johnny (on trying to be successful after 'Name')
"It's a self-help tatoo."
- Johnny (on his Chinese lettering tatoo)
"I call it 'The Masturbator' but that's, that's just me."
- Johnny (on his Picasso painting tatoo...actually called 'The Dream')
"God, I'm a PRICK today!"
- Johnny (God, he's soooooooo great!!! Unbeliveably down to earth!)
"I just think it's a good record, I mean, I LIKE the record and I hope all those people who are a little 'way too cool' for us, don't judge it too harshly."
- Johnny
"YOU GUYS SUCK!!! YOU USED TO BE SO COOL! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU SONS OF..."
- Mike (on the band...hehehe)
"Do you know what it's like when your about to eat your nice roast beef sandwhich and there's this guy going 'Hey, Mike, check me out!' and dancing on your table?"
- Mike (on Johnny's private table dance)
"No, you don't understand. We have to sit here everyday and listen to Johnny going 'Oh we suck. We're so uncool, everybody cool is gonna hate us'."
- Mike
"...When you're making a record, you can listen to it in the studio and it sounds great, but you gotta make a cassette of it and put it in like a bad car stereo and make sure it sounds ok..."
- Mike (he rocks! That's all I have to say!)
"We asked Beck, but he said, 'I can't make it but I think my dad's free.'"
- Robby (on asking Beck to help with the record DUTG)
"...Wow! Holy cow!..."
- Robby (OK, it's not all that funny but he's so cute when he says things like that!)
"To be James Dean for a day, of course!"
- Robby (on 'If you had one wish...' If you don't understand why he said that, buy or borrow the album Jed and listen to the last song)
Mike: "See what I have to put up with?"
Johnny: "Yeah your life sucks. Malinin's life sucks. *pause* Call 1-800-CRYMEARIVER."
(OK, this is my favorite!!!! I think this the funniest thing I've ever heard anyone say! I don't know why but it is!)
Johnny: "Like, as much as I hate them, I love them, and as much as they hate me, they love me..."
Mike: "You hope..."
Johnny: "Like, I was just driving around and I realized how happy I was to have you [Robby] in my life.
Robby: *Awww...*
Johnny: "Ah, get out of here you...(he says something funny but...ahem...not good to say on TV but I can't remember what it is...)
Bob Cober: "What Rob Zombie wants to know is..."
Johnny: "What? Why we're such homos?"
Well, that's all for now. If you have any quotes said by any of the Goos that you want to see up here, PLEASE email them to me. I would be most gracious. Thanks!!
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