Classic Jokes From My Dad - **Calvin is his favorite cartoon character** - Jokes - http://maxpages.com/timjokepage/My_Dads

Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell. One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of tennis shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't outrun the bear!" To this the hunter said, "I know all I have to do is outrun you!"

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Mega-sore-ass!

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lot-of-puss!

A bear is sitting in the middle of a forest taking the biggest shit of his life and feeling dam good about it. He looks down and sees a rabbit dumping a load right next to him. The bear looks at the rabbit and says, "Hey, uhh Mr. Rabbit, uhh do you have a problem withthe shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit shakes his head no and says, "Nope, never bothers me." The bear says, "Good!" takes the rabbit and wipes his ass with him and then tosses him aside.

A farmer needs a rooster to make him some baby chicks so he goes into town to the pet store. He looks around for a while and then ventures to the back of the chicken yard and finds a beautiful rooster pinned up in a tiny little cage. He asks the pet shop owner, "Why is that beautiful rooster stuck in that tiny little cage?" The pet store owner says, "That there, my friend, is Brewster the Rooster, He would fuck anything he could get his pecker into no matter what it was." The farmer thinks and says, "Well that's what I want him to do to make me little chicks. I'll take him!" The pet store owner says, "20 bucks, but beware he his a horny little devil." So the farmer takes his beautiful baby making machine home and sets him loose in the chicken pen. Brewster screwed every hen in one hour. The farmer was as happy as can be until Brewster jumped the fence and started doing the cows, then the pigs, the ducks, the horses, everything. The farmer shook his head and yelled, "Hey Brewster! You better watch yourself boy you are die from banging everything you see! Slow down for Christ sakes!" The next morning the farmer wakes up and looks out in the farmyard and he can't find Brewster anywhere. Then he spots him up on top of a hill flat on his back, with both legs up in the air, and vultures circling around high above. The farmer shakes his head and says, "I told that horny bastard he would die." The farmer grabs a shovel and heads up the hill to bury Brewster. When he gets about ten feet away Brewster looks up and whispers, "Shhhhhh! They are about to land!"

Dirty Johnny goes to class one day to find that he has a substitute teacher. As the class gets settled the teacher writes her name on the board and says, "My name is Ms. Prussy, that's P-R-U-S-S-Y." Some of the kids in classs snicker and she says sharply, "That's WITH an R!" So class goes by and the kids come to school the next day and there is the substitute again. She stands up in front of the class and says, "Okay students, who can remember my name? And don't forget the R!" About five hands go up and Dirty Johnny is one of them. He is jumping up and down trying to get her attention. The teacher says, "Okay Johnny, what is my name?" To this Johnny replies, "Ms. Crunt, C-R-U-N-T!!"

How do you make five pounds of fat real nice?
Add a nipple to it!

Timothy Hall

hatrick13@mailcity.com

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Page Updated Thu Apr 12, 2001 6:31am EDT