Long Blonde Jokes - Jokes - http://maxpages.com/timjokepage/Long_Blonde

A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims,"I don't have any money... but I'll do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!" To that the man asks, "Anything?" And the blonde says, "Yes.... ANYTHING!!" With that the man says, "Follow me!" He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees." She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does. Then he says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead!!" She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very closely to her lips, she says, "HELLO, MOM?"

A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her, "Go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the capital of Montana?"
The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony, flapping the bedsheets to air them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her death.. "Oh, shit!" the woman thought, "what a stupid way to die." Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman. Delirious from shock, the woman shouted "Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!" The man replied "Do you suck?" Stunned at this, the woman said "No, I don't suck!" And with that, the man let go of her in the air. "Shit!" the woman thought as she began to plummet again. Suddenly, another set of man's arms grabbed her on the 9th floor. "Thank God!" she screamed. " I would have died except that!" The man asked "Do you fuck?" Absolutely aghast at the question, the woman answered "No, I don't fuck!" Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there. Falling again, the woman thought that she would surely die. Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted "I suck! I fuck!" "Slut..." the man said....and dropped her.

A blonde's house is burning down. She runs next door to call the fire station. "Hurry, Hurry my house is burning to the ground!" "How do we get there," the dispatcher says? She sarcastically replies, "On your fire truck, DUH!"

A certain young man finally won a date with the blonde female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a homecooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his thunder stick immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.' The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says 'I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.' The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, 'I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica'. (Jokes.com)

Timothy Hall

hatrick13@mailcity.com

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Page Updated Fri Apr 27, 2001 4:08am EDT