Halloween Holocaust 2000 - Wrestling - http://maxpages.com/thermwf/Halloween_Holocaust

( The camera shows Spider-Man and Elvira sitting in the box seats of a medeival tower over looking a torch-lit courtyard and under a full moon. A wolf howls in the background as if on que. )
" Good evening boys and ghouls this is the Mistress of the Dark herself Elvira hosting the RMWF's special Hallowen Holocaust show .. I'm here in spooky Transylvania at Dracula's castle with Spider-Man .. This show is jam-packed with all kinds of goodies I'm told .. Spidey??? "

Spidey " Yeah .. We got a blood-pit match .. A pumpkin patch match .. we got Evil dukin it out in a graveyard match for the Blood Belt .. Some other shit too "

Elvira " Sounds rockin!!! "

Spidey " Yeah well .. Oh yeah and people are going to die tonight "

Elvira " Awesome!! Wanna get started then??? "

Spidey " Sure "

Areala-vs-Balls Mahoney
( Lightning flashes across the night sky as the camera zooms down to the cobblestone courtyard which is stained with blood and littered with bones. A church bell rings and a group of disfigured midgets drag out Areala the Warrior Nun and Balls Mahoney who are blindfolded. )
Elvira " Those are some ugly lil buggers "

Spidey " Who??? Areala and Balls "

Elvira " Well Balls yeah .. But I was talking about those little troll things "

Spidey " Oh .. Yeah .. I think they used to be Menudo "

Elvira " They're still creepy "

Spidey " That's supposed to be the idea "

Elvira " Oh .. Right .. Halloween and all "

Spidey " Areala draws her sword and moves into a parrying position as Balls grabs a battle axe from the littered ground and charges at her swinging it!!!! She blocks then feints at him .. Balls swings his axe and it meets with Areala's sword causing sparks to fly!!!! She kicks him away and sweeps her sword across his chest!!!!!!

Elvira " She cut him pretty good .. He lashes out with a vertical chop!!!! She parrys it but is forced to her knees .. Balls sweeps her feet and slams his axe down at her!!!!! She rolls away without a moment to spare and kicks him in the butt!!!! "

Elvira " I just figured out what Balls's costume is .. He's supposed to be Grimace from McDonalds!!!!! "

Spidey " Ummm actually .. He's a nut sack "

Elvira " Huh???? Oh .. Yeah .. That's gross "

Spidey " Yeah well "

Elvira " Areiola .. I mean Areala chops at Balls head but he blocks with his axe!!!! He kicks her away and charges after her .. He leaps at her .. She barely evades and receives a minor bleeder on her arm "

Spidey " She sweeps Balls's feet .. She drive her blade down at him but he rolls out of the way in the nick of time "

Elvira " Hey that grating is opening and something's coming out!!!! AAHHHH!!! It's a midget!!! "

Spidey " Yeah .. He usually stays under the ring but .. I guess this is one to him though "

Elvira " He's shaking his fist at Balls .. Now he's squeezing his groin in an obscene manner!!!! "

Spidey " Balls forgets about Areala and goes after the midget!!!! The ring midget jumps back down the drain hole thingy and slides the grate back over it .. Balls is stomping at the grate as Areala comes up from behind him and punches him upside his head .. He falls to his knees .. She slices his head off and it goes bouncing away!!!! "

Elvira " Hey Spidey!!!!! Snap out of it .. Your day dreaming!!!! "

Spidey " Huh???? .. Oh .. Sorry .. Balls runs after Areala and hurls his axe at her!!!!! It buries itself shallowly in her shoulder!!!! She pulls it out of her and tosses it aside .. Balls at her with a drop-kick!!!! He leaps at her with a flying axe-handle but she .. Oh man I can't look!!!! "

Elvira " Areala stuck her sword up and Balls impaled .. His balls .. I guess it's No-Balls Mahoney from now on "

Spidey " That ain't funny the guy just .. Well .. Yeah it is pretty funny hehe "

Elvira " Balls is thrashing about on the ground .. Areala puts her sword to his throat .. Which in this match qualifies as a pin .. So it's over "

Spidey " I don't usually do this .. Change an honest ruling but .. Balls lost his boys and I feel bad for him "

Winner: Balls Mahoney
Elvira " So what's next???? "

Spidey " That would be the pumpkin patch match .. It ain't nothing fancy though.. It's just in a pumpkin patch in a corn field "

Elvira " Oh .. How creative "

Spidey " Yeah well .. Fuck it .. Ain't like I'm getting paid or nothin "

Elvira " Poor guy .. Hot guy like you should be getting SOMETHING out of this "

Spidey " Yeah well .. Anyway "

Elvira " Wait a minute buster!!! It's kind of odd there being a cornfield at Dracula's Castle don't you think???? "

Spidey " Now that you mention it I guess so .. Well who's to say vampire's can't like corn???? "

Elvira " Ummm "

Spidey " Shhhh!!!! Change the topic quick "

Elvira " You want to see my boobs???? "

Spidey " Hell yeah .. After the show "

Elvira " So let's get it going "

Spidey " Yeah.. Let's "

Sharon -vs- Sha-sha
( The camera pans across a corn field stopping at a pumkin patch. Sharon who is dressed like Wonder Woman and Sha-sha are seated there with their hands bound. A few of the disfigured midgets come out and cut their ropes before returning to the corn. The Church bell rings and the match is underway. )
Spidey " Oh .. I forgot .. Not only do they have to fight each other but they also have to find their way out of the corn maze in twenty minutes .. That's when it turns Midnight "

Elvira " Are you making this up as we go along??? "

Spidey " Ummmm .. No .. I forgot "

Elvira " Well ok what happens to them at Midnight if they don't make it out???? "

Spidey " You don't want to know "

Elvira " What .. Do they have to take a shower with Rosie O'Donnel or something "

Spidey " Worse "

Elvira " Man .. What could be worse than that???? "

Elvira " Sharon drop-double-stomps Sha-sha .. He gets up and a snap-mare sends Sharon on her ass!!!! She grabs his leg and upside-down flying head scissors him .. Does that sound right???? Gives him an upside-down flying head scissors???? Oh well "

Spidey " Sharon with a leg-drop .. She picks up a pumpkin and smashes it over Sha-sha's head!!!!!! Haha!!!! "

Elvira " He's getting up .. They lock-up and Sha-sha belly-belly suplexes Sharon into some vines .. She looks like she's a little tangled .. Sha-sha with an elbow-drop to her!!!! "

Spidey " Sha-sha starts heading for the path in the corn field .. Sharon gets to her feet and throws a pumpkin at him though!!!!! She runs into the corn stepping on Sha-sha along her way "

Elvira " Reaches a fork in the trail and heads right .. Sha-sha shows up a moment later and chooses the left trail .. So what DOES happen at Midnight???? come on you can tell me!!!! "

Spidey " Well .. That's when some of the Evil spirits in the field start to wake .. And .. Well there hasn't been a sacrifice to appease them in centuries so.. "

Elvira " Ooooh .. A haunted cornfield .. Then THIS must be where the cornflakes that ate my neighbor's cat came from!!!!!! "

Spidey " ?????? "

Elvira " Long story "

Spidey " Okay .. Sharon's making good time going through the maze .. She makes a right and keeps moving .. Sha-sha realises he should have started on the right path when he runs into a dead-end .. He turns back around and starts hauling ass "

Elvira " That's going to cost him "

Spidey " Maybe .. Sharon aproaches a four-way intersection .. She starts going down the west path then stops and goes down the east one .. Just a reminder north is the general direction that leads out "

Elvira " Sha-sha catches up a bit and reaches that intersection and goes west .. Sharon takes a left .. eight minutes left .. Sha-sha goes right .. now left .. You know what I think??? "

Spidey " What's that???? "

Elvira " I think those two are going to run into each other again in there "

Spidey " Well duh .. It'd be even more boring if they didn't .. Speaking of which .. They both turn down the same path from opposite ends and come to a hault at the sight of each other .. There is one path that branches out between them .. The obvious way out "

Elvira " They both run at each other .. Sharon tries to clothesline Sha-sha but he turns it into a hammer-lock!!!! She reverse headbutts him then gives him a spinning kick!!!! She makes a dash for the path "

Spidey " Sha-sha with a running tackle that pulls her too the ground ".. They lock-up as the bell tower rings announcing that it is now midnight!!!! They both shove each other away and get to their feet as a cloud of shadows begins to swirl over the pumpkin patch .. It's rapidly spreading "

Elvira " Both wrestlers now seem more concerning with getting the hell out rather than fighting .. Can't say that I blame them .. I mean like that things way scarey looking .. And those creepy cries coming from it .. Ugh!!!! They give me goose-bumps "

Spidey " Sharon and Sha-sha are almost out of the maze but the spirits are almost on top of them .. They zig-zag their way through the final part of the maze .. Here they come .. Sharon is out!!!!! Sha-sha leaps out too but falls on his face!!!! "

Elvira" They've got him!!!! His legs are still in the blackened maze and he's being pulled in!!!!! Sharon grabs his hands trying to pull him out .. It's no use though .. Sha-sha is swept inside the cornfield and the path closes in on itself "

Spidey " It wasn't supposed to happen that way .. No one was supposed to die really .. Not in this match at least .. Shit .. This ain't good "

Elvira " So someone died .. Big deal "

Spidey " ..... "

Winner: Sharon
Elvira " The evil spirits are gone see???? "

Spidey " Yeah "

Elvira " I don't want to say the rest "

Spidey " Oh come on I know it's gay but I've had five cups of coffee and its four in the morning .. Just say it "

Elvira " I don't want to "

Spidey " I'll do that thing you like later if you do "

Elvira " No "

Spidey " Fuck it then "

Elvira " Don't be mad .. I'll make it up to you "

Spidey " You better "

Elvira " I will .. But that match totally kicked ass by the way "

Spidey " No it didn't "

Elvira " Gee .. I was trying to make you feel good about it even though it sucked "

Spidey " Oh .. Well thanks for patronizing me"

Elvira " Anytime babe .. So what we have Stuart Fraser up next right??? "

Spidey " Yeah "

Darkstalka -vs- Stuart Fraser

( A flash of lightning cuts through the darkness momentarily as the camera zoom down to the rightside of the tower to where Darkstalka and Stuart Fraser are standing around a bonfire in the small cemetary. )
Spidey " This match is supposed to be a 'flaming table/coffin/dumpster' match as requested by Darkstalka "

Elvira " Damn .. that sounds complicated "

Spidey " Yeah .. It would be .. Since this setting would make all that rather difficult we're just going to improvise "

Spidey " There's the church bell .. Stuart runs to Darkstalka and they lock-up!!!! Stuart knees Darkstalka in the balls making him stumble back .. Stuart axe-handles him and knocks him down!!!! "

Elvira " Darkstalka grabs him and side-belly suplexes him "

Spidey " Darkstalka's just pounding the shit out of Stuart now .. He picks him up and whips him into a tree!!!!! He's walking over to the heep that is Stuart .. Darkstalka picks a branch up from the ground .. This is going to be brutal "

Spidey " Stuart manages to get to his feet and gives Darkstalka a drop-kick!!! He knocks Darkstalka into the bonfire!!!! He gets up from the fire and slaps the flames that are burning his flesh out "

Elvira " Now that's tough "

Elvira " Darkstalka gets up and upper-cuts Stuart sending him flying back seven feet!!! "

Spidey " Darkstalka is just standing there with his arms crossed staring at Stuart "

Elvira " He's all figity .. He's running away!!!!! "

Spidey " Darkstalka chases after him and reverse choke-slams him to the ground!!!! Stuart starts to get up but is stomped back down!!!! Darkstalka snatches him by the hair and lifts him off the ground .. He slams Stuart's face against a tombstone!!!!

Elvira " Fraser ain't moving .. What the hell's Darkstalka doing??? "

Spidey " He's dragging him over to that coffin .. He picks him up and throws him in it!!!! Now he's shoving the coffin into that open grave!!!!! "

Elvira " You don't think he's gonna do what I think he is do you???? "

Spidey " Yup .. Darkstalka picked up a shovel and is filling the grave .. He's buring Stuart Fraser alive!!!! "

Elvira " Damn .. That's a bit extreme don't you think??? "

Spidey " Who cares .. We let our wrestlers do whatever they want .. It's good for ratings "

Winner: Darkstalka
Spidey " Hey look what I swiped from Miss Molly .. You know the Romper Room broad .. For refusing to give candy on Halloween "

Elvira " Wow her magic mirror!!!! Neat!!!! Lemmie see!!!! "

Spidey " Okay "

Elvira " Cool .. I can see Max and Chris and Sharon and (insert other real names here) .. Hey Ryan get that finger out of your nose!!!! "

Ravage -vs- Madman
( To the left of the tower lies a huge pit or rather a human vat. The midget troll creatures lead Ravage and Madman to the pit's lip and cut the ropes on their wrists. They grunt as Spider-Man nods to them and shove both wrestlers in. )

Elvira " What's with everyone being tied up???? You some kind of bondage freak???? "

Spidey " They're fighting against their will .. And only when it helps get me laid "

Elvira " I hear that "

Spidey " Ravage is standing there studing his surroundings as Madman grabs him from behind and slams him into the wall!!!! Ravage counters with an elbow .. Followed by a solid left hook!!! Madman goes flying back and splashes under the blood!!!! "

Elvira " They're going to have one hell of a dry cleaning bill when they get out of there "

Spidey " IF they get out "

Elvira " Wicked!!! "

Spidey " Here come the midget things with some young girls to add to the tank .. They shove them in the pit-side grinder and thier blood fills the vat "

Elvira " That's what happens to you when you don't leave a tip at Denny's "

Spidey " Madman with a right-cross then a left!!!! Ravage stumbling back through the blood a little .. Madman wades over to him and they lock-up .. Ravage side-suplexes Madman and is holding him under the blood!!!! "

Elvira " Hey!!!! Who's that creep lurking around the pit???? "

Spidey " Oh God .. It's Violater again "

Elvira " What's he doing???? "

Spidey " He's got that damn cattle prod again .. I hope he doesn't try anything like last week "

Elvira " He tossed the prod into the tank at Ravage!!!!! It hits him and he starts convulsing!!!!! It falls into the blood and fries them both!!!!! The two wrestlers are twitching .. It's pretty gross to watch "

Spidey " What a retard .. Guess he didn't know that blood's a conductor .. Oh well .. Ain't us in there "

Winner: Double KO
Elvira " Ravage and Madman are both being electrocuted .. Shouldn't we do something???? "

Spidey " Wanna have sex???? "

Elvira " I thought you'd never ask!!!!! "

( The scene cuts over to Truimph the insult comic dog who is in Ashura's hospital room. )
Truimph " Well folks I am here at some stinking Florida hospital this is Monday by the way and will be aired on Halloween because they are too cheap to have a Monday show at the RMWF .. Anyway I'm in the room of Ashura .. I humped her leg .. But seriously folks .. She is doing fine but just heavily sedated right now .. It would take much more than an exploding moterbike to take out Ashura .. She is a very very good wrestler .. FOR ME TO POOP ON!!!!!! Hey what's this???? It looks like some of her friends are here to visit her "

( Bandit, Madman, Violator and Maverick walk through the door. )
Truimph " Hey wait a minute???? Why are they taking off their pants???? They're not going to .. Oh my dear Lord they are!!!!! They are having their way with her .. I cannot watch!!!! Well okay maybe I can .. This is disgusting .. They could've at least waited til she woke up!!!! Well I think they're going to get it when she does!!!!! And not in the good way they are now .. I guess I'll go now .. We will probably cut to the Halloween PPV which I'm told is supposed to be an excellent show .. FOR ME TO POOP ON!!!!!! "

( The scene cuts over to Clive Anderson who is standing in the woods and looking rather frightened. )
Clive " I interupt this show to bring you this special announcment .. I am lost .. I've been lost in these damn woods for three days now trying to find my way to the PPV .. Last night we were attacked by something in these woods and now I can't find the camera man .. I know this is broadcasting live so someone please help me!!!! I'm scared .. There's a house up ahead .. I'm going to look for help inside .. Hey what's that sound??? AAAAAAHHHH!!!!! "

( The camera is knocked to the ground then fades to static . )
Elvira " Damn .. You sure know how to get a girl going .. But umm.. Shouldn't we .. And when I say "we" I mean YOU .. Go help Clive???? "

Spidey " I gave up that hero shit .. Fuck him .. We gotta move to the graveyard for the pre-tournament battle royal now anyway "

Elvira " Well .. Ok .. Lead on stud-muffin "

Spidey " I'm outta web fluid though so we gotta walk it "

Elvira " Bummer "

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