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| My daily diary of stupid things I've learnt in my life |
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| Welcome to my diary of weird and stupid things I've learnt. I will try to update it daily. Enjoy! June 11, 2001 Today I got told how to wipe your arse when you've only got one sheet of paper. You fold the paper in half, tear out a small semi-circle and unfold it again. Then, one sticks one's finger through created hole, and scraps out whatever is needed. You then pull the piece of paper over the finger to clean it, and use the torn out bit to clean under the nail. Aren't you lucky to know that?!!!! June 12, 2001 Today, I learnt from my good friends Sammy B and Leo Steeden that a centipede is a better football player than a rhino, when the referee is a hippopotamus. Cheers guys! June 13, 2001 Today I learnt that if you ask a teacher a question enough times, they get quite annoyed. I have not tested this to the point of mental breakdown yet, but I plan to in the future. June 14, 2001 Once again, I have gained wisdom from my friend Sammy B. Today I learnt that sharp metal things hurt when they hit your head. June 15, 2001 Today I learnt that Bounty bars taste grim compared to Pespi Max. I also learnt the philosophy of the maths department. June 16, 2001 Dave gave me a very good piece of advice today. Don't hit things when you have a bruised and swollen finger. June 17, 2001 I was given a useful tip today. When packing a rucksack for an overnight hike, wrap clothing and sleeping bags in waterproof bags. Unfortunately, this advice was given to me after all my stuff was absolutely drenched. Stupid woman. June 18, 2001 Today, I learnt about static electricity. You can imagine how great that was. June 19, 2001 Today I learnt that popped blisters hurt when you jump in a swimming pool. June 20, 2001 I was given a very useful piece of information today. The imperfect stem of "essen" in German, is "ass". How humourous. June 21, 2001 Today I learnt how to perfect the art of "the backhander". June 22, 2001 Science coursework is gay. It must all be burned. June 23, 2001 Running in jeans is a bad idea. So is jumping into walls. June 24, 2001 You can't breathe underwater June 25, 2001 If you annoy people, they have a slight tendency to hit you. Not all people, but most at my school. June 26, 2001 I realized today that when lying on your front with your head looking at something straight ahead, the amout of time spent doing this is directly proportional to the difficulty of moving your spine afterwards. Sometimes it helps to roll on your back and wriggle a bit. I also found out that it is possible to cut your anus by climbing over a gate incorrectly. This was not discovered by me, and I am very glad of that fact. June 27, 2001 More wisdom from Sammy B today. If you stand on your hand, it hurts. June 28, 2001 Some boats don't float very well. June 29, 2001 Eating a large chocolate bar before swimming a long way is a bad idea. June 30, 2001 Getting wet makes you smell quite badly. July 1, 2001 Sunday is in fact more boring than watching Sunday morning TV. I can see why the small children do it now. July 2, 2001 Bedford Modern School's organisation is an absolute joke. Never go there. July 3, 2001 Chocolate bars melt in hot cars. July 4, 2001 I have found something more boring than Sundays. It is *drumroll* CHEMISTRY! Make it die! July 5, 2001 Alton Towers is wicked. And there is nothing more annoying than getting stuck on a haunted house ride, with continuous wailing sounds playing on and on and on.... July 6, 2001 Packing a rucksack for a week is not physically possible. |
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