The Stop For FF7 Freaks - Vacation Chap1 - Video Games - http://maxpages.com/theff7stop/Vacation

Vacation(Chap 1)
By pmyuen (pmyuen@yahoo.com)

Cloud: Where should we go this time?

(everyone is looking at different brochures about vacation spots)

Tifa: How about Hawaii?

Barret: Hawhyie sounds like another Shinra resort…I could use some target practice (grins evilly, cocks gun)

Tifa: It’s supposed to be a state…

Yuffie: What’s a state?

Tifa: ……..

Cloud: Well what’s so good about it?

Tifa: Well, it’s an island, kinda hot and sunny all day and—

Red XIII: No can do.

Red XII: My nose would dry up.

Cait Sith: Well how about Las Vegas? I heard it’s a lot of fun like the Gold Saucer.

Cloud: Nah, I heard this millionaire went there with a load of cash and came back flat broke living in the run-down, spider-crawlin’, virtual sewer above ground slums…

Aeris: AHEM! (clears her throat) There’s someone ELSE that lives in that run-down, spider-crawlin’, virtual sewer above ground slums!

Cloud: (smiles sheepishly) eh heh heh….

Yuffie: How about…Colorado? We go skiing on the Rookie Mountains

Barret: I don’t wanna be on no Rookie Mountains! Let’s go to Expert Mountains!

Cait Sith: My built in dictionary says its ROCKY MOUNTAINS.

Barret: Do you have any portable masking tape?

Cait Sith: Sure. (hands barret a roll of masking tape) What for?

Barret: You need a new Halloween mask!! (quickly mummifies the cat on the mog)

Cait Sith: (the cat’s arms tear two holes in the tape) I LIVE!! MUWUHAHAHA!!

Barret: (kicks Cait across the room) Whatever.

Aeris: Hmmm…snowy…moderately cold…might be good, we’ve always went to someplace warm.

Vincent: Yes, lets try something else for a change.

(later, everyone arrive to the airport, Cloud and Barret haul everyone’s bags from the taxi to a rented cart)

Barret: Hey Yuffie! What’s making these clinking sounds in your bag?? (clink clink)

Yuffie: …….

Cloud: Nngghh! Aaarrhh! (tosses another one of Yuffie’s bag onto the cart) *huff huff* Heavy too.

Cait Sith: Milk! MIIILLLKKK!!!

Barret: Whew! Last…one! (Bag rips) clink……clankclank……clunk…… clinkclankcluckclinkclankclunkclinkclankclunk………clonk…

(materia of all colors spill out of the bag)

Everyone at once: YUFFIE!!

Yuffie: (grins widely) ah haha…I was gonna give ‘em back…

(a large package drops out)

Cloud: What’s this…?

Cloud: (reads) ‘Dear Sadam, I hope this will satisfy you on your tenth birthday.

Barret: How damn old is this thing?! You took it from SADAM?!?!

Yuffie: I don’t know, it’s a family heirloom passed on down to me from my great, great, great, great, grandfather Aldolf Kisaragi.

Cloud: You mean the guy who nuked a zillion Jews?

Yuffie: No, I meant the guy who stowed away in Sadam’s new Port-A-Jon since the ‘relief’ wing of his mansion was blown off by Hitler.

Everyone: (sweat drop)

(later on the plane)

Mog: I can’t sit down in this tiny chair.

Cait Sith: Then u must go where no stuffed mog has every gone before! THE BAGGAGE COMPARTMENT! MUWUHAHAHA!!

Mog: NNOOOOOOOOOOO!!! But I can’t fit in there!

Cait Sith: The MumCait will find a way! (unstuffs Mog and throws him to the back of the plane, a trap door opens beneath Mog)

Mog: NNOOOOOOOOOooooooo……

Barret: Do yall mind?!

Flight Attendant: Dinner time! (chimes a small bell)

(lights go off and a spotlight shines on the dinner cart, music starts to play)

Flight Attendant: (speaks into a microphone) Today on our catwalk, we have a lovely hen baked to perfection along with our fresh sliced mushrooms from a can! (shows off the entrée as if she was hand-modeling something u could win on ‘The Price Is Right’)

Everyone: (sweat drop)

(everyone receives a plate with…u don’t wanna know)

Aeris: Ewww! What is this stuff?

Vincent: Says here it’s chicken in cream of mushroom…alternative choices of sauce available upon request for .25 cents…

Cloud: Heh heh, good luck making extra money.

Cait Sith/MumCait: (still mummified) I feel human flesh near! I must feed! (dives into the mush)

Tifa: I bet it doesn’t even taste like cream…(stirs around the gravy with her fork)

Cloud: Uhhhh...maybe I’m not that hungry after all…(pushes dish away)

Yuffie: Urrkkk…(spills out onto the plate)

Yuffie: Ummm…yeah, I’m allergic to…uh…sludge. (pushes away dish too)

Vincent: Looks like u got a trial pack of some of the sauces.

Aeris: Umm…it’s forbidden for an Ancient to eat airline food.

Red XIII: Hoo boy this is bringing back memories. This guy mistook me for a stray dog and put me in the pound and gave me a grayish mush for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner.

Tifa: EEKKK!!! I THINK I SAW IT MOVE!!!

Cait Sith/MumCat: (burp) That was good…too good…I crave more! (storms into the kitchen)

Barret: I’ll be right back. (heads to the back of the plane)

Barret: (shouting in the distance) WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?!?! CHOKE US?!?! THIS FOOD IS HORRIBLE!!! SEE THIS?!?! (shoots a hole in the ceiling) I’LL AIM THE NEXT TIME I SEE THAT KIND OF FOOD IN FRONT OF ME!! UNDERSTOOD?!?!

Flight Attandant: (nods)

Red XII: (sarcasm) So, what did u do back there? Hmmm??

Barret: Er..umm…I asked for a sunroof.

Everyone: (snicker)

(later outside the airport)

Cait Sith/MumCat: Come be my servant again Mog!

Mog: (restuffed) NO!

Cait Sith/MumCat: (sings) Come take my hannddd. And be my car agaaiinnn. To steer! To crash! To-

Mog: O.K. O.K.! Just, don’t sing again!

Everyone: (sweat drop)

Aeris: I don’t see any taxis…

Cloud: Maybe this will help. (takes Cait’s megaphone) TAXI-AXI-AXi-Axi-axi!!!

(nearby store window cracks and breaks)

Tifa: Whoa! Who needs a taxi when u can phone a chocobo back home?

Manager: HEY! GET BACK HERE! YOU BREAK IT YOU BUY IT!

Cloud: Exactly what did I break?

Tifa: Just about everything except fooorrrr…BLAM(hears a bullet ricochet of the pavement) HISCALIBERSHOTGUNRUN!!!

(taxi screeches in from of them)

Aeris: Sure glad you showed up.

Driver: Where to?

Cloud: Hotel please.

Driver: (sly grin sweeps across his face)

Cloud: (starts sleeping)

(10 minutes later)

Aeris: Gee, we’ve taken an awful lot of right turns.

Yuffie: Hey! I saw that place a minute ago!

Vincent: How can u tell? All u think about is materia.

Yuffie: I know. That place is a MATERIA SHOP!

Everyone: …!

Aeris: Umm…excuse me sir but- (catches the driver cranking up the fare meter)

Barret: Freeze!(blows a hole into the fare meter and hits the zeros in ‘100 gil’ and a couple more holes in the ceiling)

Red XIII: Another sunroof Barret?

Driver: Hmm? Yikes! Oh, uh. Here we are! Ngguhh, everyone out! (sweats)

Cloud: (snort, wakes up) Huh? Oh right…I owe u…(glances at the fare meter) 1 gil (flips a coin to the driver)

Barret: Aw man! We’re back at where we started!

Red XIII: It shouldn’t take too long with our legs to get to the hotel…let me rephrase that…it wouldn’t take too long with MY legs to get the hotel. (snicker)

Everyone: (Fumes)

(later at the hotel service counter)

Cloud: Hi, I’d like four, two bed, rooms. And err…one kennel.

Receptionist: Alright, who will be in each room?

Cloud: Everyone, pair up!

Aeris: Umm, I’ll be with you Cl-

Tifa: (gives Aeris a power shove with her Power Glove)

Cloud: O.K. Aeri- where’d u go?

Tifa: I’ll be with u Clo-

Aeris: (trips Tifa with her Aurora Rod then freezes her feet to the ground)

Yuffie: Looks like yall need some work in ‘”That’s my man!” 101’ (giggles) so u be perfect – like me!

Vincent: You just need some work in ‘Don’t steal Vincent’s bronze claw 101’…

Yuffie: Oh! How did THAT get there?? (glances at her left hand) I thought these were the hand-held pruning shears I got for my birthday…heh heh…

(later, Aeris and Tifa are cooped up in the same room)

Tifa: I’ll show u for taking my man! (raises her fist)

Aeris: Whoa! I’m an endangered species!

Tifa: Then go back to the zoo!

Aeris: I’ll show u what a zoo animal can do!

(Aeris and Tifa get into a catfight)

Aeris: (pulls on Tifa’s hair)

Tifa: (pulls on Aeris’ hair)

Aeris: (scratches at Tifa)

Tifa: (scratches at Aeris)

Aeris: (throws stuff at Tifa)

Tifa: (throws stuff at Aeris)

Cloud: (steps into room) Hey, what’s goin’ on in her- whoa! (pot smashes inches away from his face)

Barret: (mutters) Babe magnet strikes again. (narrows eyes to Cloud)

Cloud: Heh heh…(sweat drop)

Cloud: (gazes at the brawling women)

Barret: (jabs Cloud) This ain’t no movie you lookin’ at! Do something!

Cloud: Huh? Oh. Ahem…Quit it. Quit it! QUIT it!! QUIT IT!!! DIAMOND DUST!

Aeris&Tifa: (freezes in place)

Barret: Get some rest, beat up on each other when THERE AREN’T PEOPLE SLEEP.

(in the middle of the night)

Tifa: (snicker) Aurora Rod huh? (flicks on a switch on Aeris’ weapon, a timer is set for 8 hours)

(5 minutes later)

Aeris: (snicker) Power Glove huh? (slips the Power Gloves onto Tifa’s hands, pushes all the cotton in Tifa’s pillow away from the her head, puts glue stick on Tifa’s hair and face)

(In the morning)

Aeris&Tifa: (yawn)

Tifa: Stupid pillow! (fluffs pillow hard) BLAM!

(pillow explodes from the Power Gloves and feathers fly out and stick to Tifa’s face)

Aeris: (snicker)

(just then, Aeris’ bed froze)

Tifa: I’ll be taking a, WARM, shower. I’d let u go first, if you could that is. Ha ha ha.

(while Tifa is taking a shower)

Aeris: She wants cold?? I’ll show her cold!! (sticks her Aurora Rod in front of the water dispenser)

Tifa: What tha??

(the drops of water turn into ice shards)

Aeris: (snicker)

Tifa: Get off! GET OFF!

Aeris: (cracks up laughing and rolls out of the room)

Tifa: (comes out in bathrobe with ice cubes stuck in different places in her hair)

Cloud: Time to go, Aeris and Jill Frost. (snicker)

Tifa: Grrr, I’ll get you next chapter Aeris!

To be continued…

By pmyuen@yahoo.com

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Page Updated Tue Apr 10, 2001 3:30pm EDT