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The following is from a message posted on PWInsider.com:

Thank You and Goodbye

“What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end”

“And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt”

“If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way”

Three powerful verses. The haunting words of Johnny Cash’s cover of the Trent Reznor song “Hurt” have echoed within me for weeks now. A drug addict struggling with his inner demons, desperate to break free is depicted in dark tones, the rise of hope and then the fall of despair.

Many have said that wrestling is like a drug for those who work in it and I can agree with that statement. The song lyrics, matched with the pounding keyboard rising in volume throughout, for me are directly translated to the wrestling business. I would anticipate the phone ringing or e-mail being delivered, hoping for the next opportunity to prove that I was good.

But no matter what else I did besides wrestling, whether it was family time, church or work, wrestling always came first.

But why can’t you do both? Hold down a full-time job and still work in wrestling on weekends? Good question but I can’t. For me, wrestling takes over my life and I can never be successful in anything else until I walk away from wrestling completely.

I have to stop pursuing the wrestling business in order to preserve my family and my sanity. In fact, walking away for a month now has given me the clarity to write this article, most importantly to thank everyone who ever helped me. This ambitious task will certainly leave someone out and for that I apologize in advance to those whose names I inadvertently leave out. There are, however, some I will never forget.

I used to harbor intense anger and hatred for those in the WWE who filled the road to my dream job with potholes and made my near-seven years in the company often times miserable.

I used to wish cancer on them. I used to dream about shooting them and killing them in their offices. I hated them. They know who they are.

But, think about it like this. Imagine a business run by drug addicts. What kind of decisions would they make? How would their “people skills” be? That is exactly what it was like working for that company in Stamford. Those that weren’t addicts to the business were “short-timers” or “didn’t have the passion”.

That word “passion” is a synonym for what all of us were addicted to. So when someone spouts off about having a “passion for the business”, that means they fill a virtual syringe with empty hopes, sink the needle into an awaiting vein and empty the chamber, clouding the mind.

Realizing that they were addicts like me helped me let go of the anger I held toward them.

Coming to the reality that Jesus died for my sins on the cross at Calvary also helped me put those feelings to rest. Walking away from wrestling once and for all made me realize that wasting one more moment on those negative feelings hurts me and all of those around me.

Enough about that… It’s time to start with big thank yous!

I would have never gotten started in wrestling if it wasn’t for Cliff Anderson, who gave me my first job and hooked me up with my first big break, working for the IWF in Florida for another person I have to give big thanks to, Eddy Mansfield.

Eddy was criticized for “exposing the business” back in 1985 or so. Whatever. To me, the scary thing is how fake “old wrestling” used to look and everyone thought it was real and now how real it is and everyone thinks it’s fake. “Predetermined”, not fake, if you please. Too many healthy young men today will be crippled old men tomorrow.

I often get asked how the then-WWF hired me in 1996. Believe it or not, it was because Billy Gunn put a word in for me at the office about doing ring announcing for a run of house shows and then called me right away when he heard they wanted me for an audition. Thank you, Kip. I would have never been able to get to the “show” without you. Thanks to Bruce Prichard for getting me going, keeping me going and never forgetting that we are friends.

Billy Gunn along with his partner Bart Gunn, who I always admired and wish the best for, were part of a unique fraternity of guys that made up the Florida wrestling circuit in the early to mid-90’s. I had the pleasure to work with and know many great guys, who I considered friends such as Rockin Randy Rhodes, Randy Fuller, Bruno Sassi, Dan Ackerman, Big Till, Tim Parker, Champaign Cain, Chubby MC, Nasty Ned Brady, Nasty Ronnie Galletti, Nuke Ass Bob, Dennis Allen, Norman and Lucky, Chuck Blackford, Chris Proctor, Ed and Vickie Plante, Herb Hennessey and anyone else I have accidentally forgotten… Thanks to all of you.

I mention Herb because he owned a Residence Inn that was home to the wrestlers when the IWF taped TV at Universal Studios Florida in 1996. I wish I could write about all the funny moments that happened there but one comes to mind.

Look a couple of paragraphs up. No, his name was not really “Nuke Ass Bob” but actually his wrestling name was “Nuclear Assassin #1”. However, when the formats to the first shows were written, “Nuke Ass Bob” was on the format sheets to identify which one was wrestling in a singles match. Immediately the name stuck. To this day, he is still known as “Nuke Ass”.

Apparently, a young lady wound up in someone’s room and she was in need of medical attention. It seemed that as a nymphomaniac, without immediate treatment, the woman would burst into flames or something. Nuke Ass was the man for the job. At six-foot tall and a robust 325 pounds, Nuke Ass was an imposing figure. Imagine our faces when he came back downstairs with his “Nuke Ass” hanging out, claiming that she also needed a “beer and a cigarette”.

Once I got to the then-WWF, the roller coaster ride began. Too many people to thank but the company was broken up into two worlds, each one despised the other. I was one of the few who worked on both planets, the TV studio and the Tower. My first year, I worked at the TV studio but then after that, I split time between working at the TV studio and the Tower.

I have to talk about Vince Russo here because he is also owed thanks and an apology. Vince saved my job, bringing me onto the magazine staff when the TV studio wanted nothing to do with me after my first year. But he gave me a brutally bad review right before he left that set into motion a world of trouble that plagued me until my final day in 2003. Despite the fact that we had our differences, I have let go all my negative feelings and now just focus on the good.

What a time I had with Russo! Vince and Jim Monsees were buddies going back to the video store days on Long Island. Jimmy was and is still in charge of the online presence of the company. Russo and Jimmy Monsees were a couple of characters and they were nice enough to include me in their brand of merriment. They had a language all their own, enjoyed a nice cup of “coff” and usually found ways to make Bill Banks’ ears red, which happened whenever he got embarrassed.

The worst I ever saw it was a rib we played on him at Halloween and the three of us set the wheels in motion by mentioning that the kids from Titan Tots, the on-site day care center, would be coming by for Trick-or-Treating and we were all supposed to bring costuming into work that day for the kids.

Banks was hooking me up with a ride to work at the time so I called him the night before to make sure he remembered to bring his costume. All set, he assured me. I put some old clothes in a bag and went out to the car. Sure enough, his costume was in the car as well. I could barely contain myself.

Time ticked so slowly making the 11:00am time for the mythical Trick-or-Treat. Could this rib actually pay off? Everyone in the magazine department and Creative Services was in on it by this time. An old cache of costuming in a vacant office paid huge dividends as we had many helpers from both departments running around with loud hats or swatches of fabric on their heads, getting the rib over just so. When the time was right, I grabbed my bag of clothes and went outside, supposedly heading to the bathroom to get changed. I suggested Bill get changed in his office.

When the door to Bill’s office opened, we all roared with laughter as Bill had brought in an old Riddler costume and was green from head to toe… except for his ears which were very, very red. Thanks to Bill, Jimmy and Vince Russo and everyone I worked with at the Tower for making my time there a barrel of laughs.

I spent a lot of time on the road, going to TV’s each week and I have to thank the gang in the Pre-Tape Room, led by the “Prof”, Sammy and all the great men and women who made working there fun and educational. Thanks to the Brawler and Bruno for being total pros and great friends. Thanks to Cole, Coach and Tazz for being great riding companions and thanks to all the folks who put the shows on the air each week and always made me look and sound my best.

Tom Prichard is one of my best friends and I am so happy to still have him to talk to and abuse. Thank you for always being there for me.

Danny Davis and Julie and Jim Cornette and Stacey always made trips to Louisville fun. Danny and Julie were always hospitable, despite Julie apparently trying to poison me with coffee according to Danny and Dr. Tom. Corney has taught me so much and I can’t help but smile when I think about him.

The tremendous athletes that make up the WWE deserve a thank you from me for always making my job fun. I want you all to know this. I appreciate the physical effort you all always give in the ring and the skill you displayed in backstage vignettes as well. I admire you more than you know and I wish the best for you and your families.

The Rock. Fans still ask me about my dealings with the Great One and I have to say that I have never been happier than when I was working with him. Rock made every promo so easy and so much fun. Thanks Rock, I am eternally in your debt. One day, I will have to tell all of you how The Rock and I met in 1994 in Hudson, Florida at a Flea Market…

To all the guys and girls I met and dealt with in the indy wrestling world. I know, all of you are paranoid so I won’t mention any of your names so you don’t feel left out. I love all of you.

“Everyone I know goes away
In the End”

To those I lost along the way. Owen Hart, whose death brought us together in Kansas City that night and St. Louis on Monday. We staggered around like a family at a wake, crying, laughing, eating, crying again. I miss you and think about you all the time.

Yokozuna, who always treated me like family even though I barely knew him. A proud man with a huge heart, my first night on Raw was his last in August of 1996 in Wheeling, WV against Shawn Michaels.

Russ Haas, my brother. He and Charlie are my heroes. They were everything that I wanted to be but never could be. Charlie, Russ and I stood on the floor of the Astrodome at WrestleMania X-7 and talked about making it a goal to be at WrestleMania the next year. Charlie made it but Russ didn’t. I love Charlie so much and Russ’ death has scarred me for the rest of my life. I look forward to seeing you in Heaven, Russ. You will be telling the saints that “you did that too” and stirring up trouble as only you can.

Jimmy Miranda, who many of you don’t know but was a wonderful man who cared about the world more than the world cared about him. I talk about Jimmy all the time to people who have no idea who he is but they like him when I finish my story.

Curt Hennig, who wasn’t happy unless everyone was laughing. I played golf with Curt and Michael Hayes once and my face hurt for a week from all the laughs. Why did you have to leave us, Curt?

Crash Holly. Boy, did Mike always keep us on our toes! I worried about him often, pulling him out of various situations. That was my job, though. All I know is that his daughter deserved better than to lose her father so young.

Davey Boy Smith’s death hit me hard because I just finished reading Diana’s book when word of his death surfaced. I am glad that they were able to work on some of their issues before he passed away and I still utter the phrase synonymous with Davey “I wuzn’t evun thehr.”

I barely knew Hawk but was proud to have had the chance to meet him and work with him. He was always great with me and treated me like we knew each other since grade school.

I really don’t know what else to say other than thank you to everyone who I came in contact with along the way and worked with. I have learned a lot in my 13 years in wrestling but it is time to walk away. I wish to personally thank Dave Scherer and the PWInsider.com staff for posting this article and I would like to hear from some of my friends who read this and anyone else who has some thoughts.

Kevinfsu90@msn.com

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The Nomad
Green Bay,	WI
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Page Updated Sun Jun 4, 2006 4:43pm EDT