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Screen Shots
Jokes Of The Week
Yo Mama JokesBlond JokesBar JokesPlaystation Codes
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| Yo Mama Jokes |
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| Yo mama's so FAT: she was mistaken for God's bowling ball. when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up. she had to go to Sea World to get baptized. she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth. her favorite dress is a tent. she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops. she has to iron her pants on the driveway. she needs a building permit for her girdle. she needs a hula hoop for a belly button ring. she puts on her belt with a boomerang. she puts on tampons with a bazooka. she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller. she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon. she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out. she sat on a quarter and got two dimes and a nickel. she rolled over four quarters and made it a dollar. when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose. the Department of Transportation makes her wear a "Caution, Wide Turn" sign. when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please". when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued..." when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock". the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale. the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs. when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips. she eats Wheat THICKS. when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight. she has her own zip code. the phone company gave her two area codes. she walked past the TV and I missed 3 commercials. people jog around her for exercise. when she puts on her clothes, they beg for mercy. when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI!" when she wears a red dress, kids run after her cuz they think it's the Kool Aid Man. when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her. she shows up on radar. when she auditioned for Indiana Jones, she got the part of the big rolling ball. she couldn't star in Forrest Gump because she kept eating the box of chocolates. they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping ... and they still hit the ground. she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay!" when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again." when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains." when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them. when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy!" Willy freed her. she makes Free Willy look like a Tic Tac. the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds. when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun. when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean. when she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H" and the "D". she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big! she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship. she doesn't wear Dazzey Dukes; she wears Boss Hoggs. she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book. her senior picture had to be an aerial view. she has to fly cargo class. when she puts on a pair of BVD's, it stretches to "BouleVarD". she has to wear a sock on each toe. she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat. the AIDS quilt can't cover her. the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts. she qualifies for group insurance. when she steps on gum, she can tell you what flavor it is. the shadow of her ass weighs 50 lbs. she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button. her navel gets home 15 minutes before she does. when I swerved to avoid her on the road, I ran out of gas. you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through. even God can't lift her spirits. God said "Let there be Light", and moved her fat ass. her nickname is "DAAAMN!". she sells shade in the summer. cows graze by her for the shade. when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her. she got on an airplane and only the wings took off. when she told the airport she needed to fly right away, they stamped "GoodYear" on her ass and put her on the runway! the airport categorizes her ass as carry-on luggage. when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton. she lost at Hide and Seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas. she could be the eighth continent. she farted and put herself into orbit. I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back. I gotta ride a bus and two trains to get on her good side. when your family wants to watch home movies, they dress her in white and seat her in front. when she eats at McDonald's, they have to go outside and double the number on the sign that says amount of people served. her ass has got more meat than a freezer at Price-Costco. her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud. I got rich by making her sit on coal. her cereal bowl comes with its own lifeguard. she masturbates while looking at pictures in a cookbook. the only thing attracted to her is gravity. small objects tend to orbit her. she's got tan lines from the refridgerator light. her belly button's got an echo. I'm jealous of yo daddy. He's got TWICE the woman anyone else has! I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her! YO MAMA IS SO STUPID: Yo mama's so STUPID: I caught her looking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side. it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes. it took her half an hour to make minute rice. she thought a hot meal was stolen food. she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays. she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog. she bought a solar-powered flashlight. she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses/water-proof teabag/condom with sweatholes/wheelchair with pedals. she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's. if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get back change. she took the Pepsi Challenge and chose Jif. she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico. she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "Concentrate". I told her it was chilly outside, so she went and got a bowl. I told her the drinks were on the house, she went and got a ladder. she thought Beirut was a famous home run hitter. she calls pagers collect. tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone. she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. she went to drug rehab because she thought she was Hooked on Phonics. they had to burn her school down just to get her out of 2nd grade. that on her job application, under Education, she put, "Hooked on Phonics". she asked me what kind of jeans I had on, I said "Guess", and she said "uh, Levi's?". she stands up on an empty bus. when you were born, she looked at the umbilical cord and said, "Hey, it comes with cable." she thought hamburger helper came with another person. she sold her car for gas money. that she hops the turnstyle when she gets OFF the train. she checked the Lost and Found when she missed her period. she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. when I asked her to buy me a color TV, she asked me what color. when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends. she saw a "Wet Floor" sign, so she took a piss. she got fired from a blow-job. she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed. she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor. I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod. she thought Cheerios were donut seeds. she thought Meow Mix was a dance album for cats. I asked her to go to Subway's for two heroes and she came back with Batman and Robin. I taught her how to do the "Running Man", and I haven't seen her since. she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops. someone told her to take out the trash, so she moved out of the house. she writes "Thank You" notes for her bills. she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house! she married your daddy. she cooks with Old Spice. I know she's been using my computer when I see the White-Out on my screen. YO MAMA IS SO UGLY: Yo mama's so UGLY: your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye. she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning. when she tried joining an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!" Rice Krispies won't talk to her. she makes blind kids cry. she makes onions cry. I can fuck her in any position and its still doggy style. when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back. the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train. the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down. when she looks in the mirror, her pimples popped back in. when she gets up, the sun goes down. the government moved Halloween to her birthday. on Halloween, people go as her. she has to "Trick or Treat" over the phone. instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck. when she walked into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck. when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother. when she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!"; and your dad replied, "Yeah, let's go bury it." when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end. they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies. when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back." they put her in the zoo to keep the monkeys from jerking off. they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower. the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her. she's got little circles all over her body from people touching her with 10-foot poles. her mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her. her mom had to tie a steak around her neck so the dogs would play with her. her mom had to feed her with a slingshot. her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel. her American Express card left home without her. they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty. when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes. when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows. her parents first named her "Accident". they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock! she must've been born on the freeway -- that's where most accidents happen. when I see her, she reminds me of Taco Bell -- Run for the Border! she took your dog to the Canine Show and won ... your dog came in second. I saved her life by killing a shit-eating dog on the way over. condom advocates wanted to use her as a poster child. she makes me wish birth control is retroactive. |
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