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Screen Shots
Jokes Of The Week
Yo Mama JokesBlond JokesBar JokesPlaystation Codes
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| Bar Jokes |
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| It's sooooooo true This guy walks into a small town bar and orders a drink from the bartender. The bartender delivers his drink and shouts out to the bar patrons "46!!" Everyone starts to laugh- Again he shouts out "39!!" Now the patrons are getting even louder in laughing- Lastly, he shouts "14!!" Now, people are wiping tears from their eyes from all the laughing. The visitor is curious, so he asks the bartender "What is going on?" The bartender says "This is a small town, with small impressionable children, and so we had decided to put numbers to our naughty jokes rather than tell them in full" The visitor is astounded "Let me try!!" he says- So he shouts "46!!" Nothing happens "39!!" Still nothing. "14!!" and yet still not a sound from the patrons. The visitor says to the bartender "I don't understand. I used exactly the same numbers you did and got a completely opposite response. The bartender replied, "Well, some folks can tell a joke....... and some folks can't" Dyke van Dick A guy walks into this bar and says, "Hey bartender, give me a Budweiser." So the bartender gets him a Bud. The man is enjoying his beer when he notices two beautiful blondes at the end of the bar. The man noticing that his beer is empty says, "Hey bartender, another Bud, and get those ladies at the end of the bar a drink on me." The bartender gives the man his Bud, and says "Don't bother getting those girls a drink, it won't do you any good. You're just wasting your time." The man says, "Naaa. Give em one on me." So the bartender pours the girls a drink and gives me to the blondes. The girls out of respect raise their glasses, in a sort of thank you, and take a drink. The man now figures he's in. So he walks over to the girls. He notices that the girls are empty again. So the man yells, "Hey bartender, how about another round over here?" The two girls look up at him and one says, "It won't do you any good. You're just wasting your time." Well the man puzzled, says, "The bartender said the same thing. What the hell does that mean I'm just wasting my time??" The other blonde says, "Well we're lesbians, we love to eat pussy!!" The man now has a huge smile on his face and yells to the bartender, "Hey bartender, 3 beers for us lesbians!!!" A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. So he sets it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that noone will steal it then. Upon return, he sees another note saying "Me too!" A guy from up North (Canada) goes into a classy bar in the South (States). This bar has a dress code, and the maitre d' demands he wear a tie. Discouraged, the guy goes to his car to sulk when inspiration strikes: He's got jumper cables in the trunk! So he wraps them around his neck, sort of like a string tie (a bulky string tie to be sure) and returns to the bar. The maitre d' is reluctant, but says to the guy, "Okay, you're a pretty resourceful fellow, you can come in... but just don't start anything"! Guys walking down the street & sees 'Word Bar' sign. He walks in & sees a woman behind the counter. "What's all this Word Bar stuff"? he asks. She says "Exactly what it says - we've got Verbs, Prepositions, Hyperbole, Punctuation - whatever you want". "Ok" says the guy - "gimme an entendre" "Single or double?" she asks "Make it a double!" She raises one eyebrow & looks him up & down with a sly grin & says: "Don't you mean a LARGE one?" This guy walks into a bar, carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him, and says to the (uncertain-looking) bartender "I'll have a Scotch and Soda." Then the crocodile says "And I'll have a Whiskey Sour." The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps "That's incredible; I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!" And the guy says "He can't; the chicken is a ventriloquist." A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..." The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of my customers" "Okay" says the customer,"I'll tell it very slowly." A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down a monkey swings across the bar and pisses in the pint. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piana player and says "Do you know your monkey pissed in my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it I'll play it." A customer was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the bartender's attention. He glanced at it and said, "It's a ladybug." After a moment of stunned silence the customer said, "Good Lord, what incredible eyesight you have!" A man walks into a bar. Sits down and drinks beer after beer, till at last he runs out of cash. The bartender knows, and refuses him more drinks. After the mans incessant pleading, he agrees to three more, on the house, if he does three things. First he has to knock out the bouncer, a strapping young man. Then he has to pull a bad tooth that belongs to the bulldog in the back, and have sex with the town runaround who is sitting by herself at the end of the bar. "No problem" he replies, and proceeds to the door where he knocks the bouncer out, with one blow! The bartender, amazed, points then to the back. The man nods, and heads off to pull the pooch's tooth. After a second, all that can be heard is the dog barking loudly. "Ruff ruff ruff". Ten minutes later, again. "Ruff ruff ruff". Again, after ten, "Ruff ruff ruff". The bartender begins to worry until he finally sees the man coming around front, a proud look on his face. He grins at the bartender and says, "Ok, nows where's the runaround with the loose tooth?" A guy comes home three sheets to the wind and all three sheets ripping bad, Budweiser sloshing around in his belly like a keg adrift in a roiling sea. He loop-legs it through the door and is met by his wife, who is scowling, figuring he's been out jumping new bones. "Where the hell you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new saloon," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden." "Bullshit! There's no such place!" Guy says, "Sure there is! Joint's got huge golden doors, a golden floor. Hell, even the urinal's gold!" The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the ext day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her old man's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?" There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!" |
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