12 Daze of X-Mas - Personal - http://maxpages.com/tarasfaq/12_Daze_of

The 12 Days of Christmas

Dec. 14,
My Dearest Peter,
The cute little partridge arrived a little while ago and the pear tree sapling
came a little while later. I'm not sure of the connection, but I love them.
Love always,
Dori

Dec. 15,
Dearest Peter,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle
doves. I'm just delighted at your thoughtful gift. They are adorable.
All my love,
Dori

Dec. 16,
Dearest Peter,
Aren't you the extravagant one! Now, I really must protest. I don't deserve
such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling, but I must insist,
you are too kind.
Love, Dori

Dec. 17,
Today, the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are quite
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You are being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Dori

Dec. 18,
Dearest Peter
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for each
finger. You are just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds
squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Dori

Dec. 19,
Dear Peter,
When I opened the door, there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front
step. So you are back to your birds again, huh? These geese are huge. Where
will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining, and I cannot get any sleep
through all the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Dori

Dec. 20
Pete,
What is with you and those f*cking birds? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of
g*dd*mned joke is this? There is bid sh1t all over my house, and they never
stop with the racket. I cannot sleep at night, and I'm a nervous wreck. It's
not funny, so stop with those f*cking birds.
Sincerely,
Dori

Dec. 21
O.K. Buster,
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids-
a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking,
but they brought along their g*dd*mned cows. There is sh1t all over my lawn,
and I cannot move around in my own house.
Just lay off me,
Dori

Dec. 22
Hey Sh1thead,
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing and do
they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here.
The cows are getting upset, and they've stepping all over those screeching
birds. What am I gong to do? They neighbors have started a petition to evict
me.
You'll get yours,
Dori

Dec. 23
You Rotten Prick,
Now there are ten ladies dancing. I don't know why they call these sluts
ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows
can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of sh1t. The
commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building
shouldn't be condemned. I'm notifying the police about you.
One who means it!

Dec. 24
Listen F*ckhead,
What's with the eleven lords-a-leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of
those broads will ever walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and are
committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead. They've been
trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you are satisfied, you rotten b*st*rd.
Your sworn enemy

Dec. 26
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your gift of twelve drummers drumming, which you have
seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Dori Drawers. The destruction, of
course, was total. All further correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss Drawers at the Happy Dale Sanitarium, the
attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please
find a warrant for your arrest.

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Page Updated Wed Jul 28, 1999 4:34pm EDT