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Blode Jokes
Cat Jokes
lawyer jokes
you might be a redneck if
things never to do
You might be a child of 80s if
Pick Up Lines and Responses
Funny Bumper Stickers
You Might be an Engineer if
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| Funny Bumper Stickers |
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| Horn broken. Watch for finger. Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. All generalizations are false. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. I brake for no apparent reason. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control. I'm not as think as you drunk I am. Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? He who laughs last thinks slowest. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. I love cats...they taste just like chicken. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons. Born free...Taxed to death. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep. All men are idiots, and I married their King. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. Work is for people who don't know how to fish. Montana -- At least our cows are sane! I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. If you don't like the news, go out and make some. 1. Life without danger is a waste of oxygen. 2. Half of the people in the world are below average. 3. Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...? 4. Justice: A decision in your favour. 5. Kill them all! ... Let God sort them out. 6. Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. 7. My message above. Your response here ____________. 10. Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! 11. Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square! 12. So many lawyers, so few bullets. 13. So many pedestrians, so little time. 14. Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty. 15. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope) 16. Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive. 17. Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism. 18. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. 19. The rich get richer; the poor get babies. 20. The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. 21. This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is. 22. This score just in: OS/2, Windows 95. 23. Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! 24. Truthful: Dumb and illiterate. 25. Was today really Necessary? 26. Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray 27. What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull. 28. Who is "they" anyway? 29. Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! 30. RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user 31. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. 32. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 33. You can't have everything...where would you put it? 34. hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? 38. "Calm down. It's only ones and zeros." 39. If Clinton is the answer it must been a stupid question. 40. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. 41. I may be fat, but your ugly - I can lose weight! 42. Assassins do it from behind! 43. Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! 44. Old musicians don't die... they just decompose. 45. God may have made man first, but there is always a ruff draft before a final copy. 46. The only real difference between an oral and rectal thermometer is the taste. 47. I did a drot of lugs in college, I hink I thave dain bramage. 48. To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. 49. Lottery: A tax on people who don't understand statistics. 50. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. 51. A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished. 52. Marriage is not a word: it is a sentence. 53. Im not as think as you drunk i am. 54. I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar. 56. You show the sensitivity of a Medieval Dentist. 57. (001) Logic Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing 59. Jesus is coming, look busy 61. To Err is human, to forgive is simply not our policy. 62. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. 63. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. 64. Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS. 65. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. 66. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. 67. Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression 68. The name is Baud... James Baud. 69. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 70. E Pluribus Modem 71. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 72. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... 73. ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! 74. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. 75. "Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes!" 77. (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza. 78. Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. 79. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 80. Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway. 81. VENI, VIDI, VISA - I CAME, I SAW, I SHOPPED 82. Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C: 83. Jesus Saves -- passes to Moses, shoots, SCORES! 84. Jesus Saves! Moses Invests! 85. To err is human; To moo is bovine. 88. Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\> 89. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. 90. REHAB is for quitters. 91. Death to all fanatics! 92. It's all fun and games, 'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT* 93. Never run after buses or women: you'll always get left behind. 94. Computers can never replace human stupidity 95. Politics: Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites) 96. You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed 97. You're only young once; you can be immature forever 98. On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK" 99. Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? 100. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! 101. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 102. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! 103. ERROR 406: file corrupt: config.earth --- reboot universe? (Y/N) 104. He who laughs last thinks slowest! 105. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. 106. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers. 107. When there's a will, I want to be in it. 108. "Charlie was a Chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4." 109. "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw..." 110. "I tried to think but nothing happened!" - Curly 111. "Suicide Hotline...please hold." 112. "To err is human, to forgive....$5.00" 113. Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt. 114. "I am logged in, therefore I am." 115. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer 116. .(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... 117. Bugs come in through open Windows. 118. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. 119. A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. 120. A pessimist is never disappointed. 121. All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson 122. All work and no play, will make you a manager. 123. Alone: In bad company. 124. Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. 125. The truth is out there? Anyone know the URL? 126. Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out. 127. As I said before, I never repeat myself. 128. BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. 129. Barium: what you do with dead chemists. 131. Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups! 132. Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be disappointed. 133. Brain dysfunction detected... 134. Brain over - Insert coin 135. Breathing may be hazardous to your health. 136. Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources. 137. COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. 139. Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. 140. Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? 141. Do not disturb. Already disturbed! 142. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? 143. Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! 144. Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. 145. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. 146. FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... 147. Facts are stubborn things. 148. Feel lucky???? Update your software! 150. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!! 151. H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! 152. I am built for comfort, not speed! 153. I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! 154. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. 155. I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem. 156. I think, therefore I am. I think. 157. I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. 158. I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. 159. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. 160. .I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. 161. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. 162. If I save the whales, where do I keep them? 163. If I save time, when do I get it back ? 164. If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test. 165. My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him. 166. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. 167. If in doubt, make it sound convincing. 168. If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing 169. If it works, tear it apart and find out why! 170. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 171. If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. 172. In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death 173. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. 174. It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit! 175. It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession! When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS.. |
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