Interesting Thoughts - A person that thinks his life sucky...is visiting this site.... - Entertainment - http://maxpages.com/sugarinacan/Interesting

Joe goes to the Super Bowl.
His seat is in the nosebleed section,
but at least he's at the Super Bowl.
So he starts looking around the stadium with his binoculars
and sees a guy about 5 rows off the field on the 50 yard line
with an empty seat beside him.
This is driving Joe nuts, so at half time, he goes down and
asks the guy why he has a vacant seat in such a choice location.
The guy says, "My wife and I bought these seats a long time ago.
But unfortunately, she passed away."
"Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that", Joe says,
"But why didn't you give the ticket to another relative or a friend?"
The guy replies: "They're all at the funeral."

Once there lived a man who had a passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they had a lively reaction on him.
Then one day he met a girl and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself,
"she is such a sweet and gentle girl,
she will never go for this kind of carrying on."
So making the supreme sacrifice. He gave up baked beans.
They were married shortly thereafter.
Months later, his car broke down on the way home from work,
and he had to walk home.
On the way home, he went into a small cafe and called his wife and
told her that he would be late because he had to walk home.
After making the call, he smelled baked beans in the cafe.
They were the best beans he had ever smelled!
He could not resist and had three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home he had gas.
His wife seemed excited and somewhat agitated to see him, exclaiming,"darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!"
She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the dining room table.
He seated himself. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold,
the telephone rang.
She made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned.
Seizing the opportunity of her absence,
he shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs.
He took the napkin from his lap and fanned the air about him.
Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on.
So he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again.
This was a prize winner. He figured that he must be done.
But then he made a third fart.
This one made the flowers at the table wilt!
Yet somehow his wife didn't hear him.
While keeping his ear on the phone conversation in the hall,
he again fanned vigorously until he heard the phone farewells,
indicating the end of his freedom.
He was the very picture of innocence when his wife returned.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked.
He assured her that he had not.
At this point, she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise --
Twelve dinner guests seated around the table
for his surprise birthday party!

An older couple had a son, who was still living at home.
The parents were a little worried, as the son was still
unable to decide about his future career.
They decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey,
and put them on the front hall table, and hid,
pretending they were not home.
The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be
a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest,
but if he takes the bottle of whiskey,
I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So, the parents waited nervously, hiding in the nearby closet.
Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive.
The son saw the note they had left.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light,
and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Then, he grabbed the bottle, opened it and took a whiff,
to get assured of the quality.
Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said:
"Damn! Our son is going to be a senator someday!"

Today marks the 22nd anniversary of the passing of Elvis.
In true kingly fashion he passed while sitting on the throne.

Example of mixed emotions
When your mother-in-law drives your new cadillac over a cliff.

How do you know if it tastes like chicken
if you can't compare chicken to anything

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Please raise my hand

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit

I was thinking that women should put pictures
of missing husbands on beer cans.

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and
too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of the USA is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government,
leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for
State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.

God created woman, and she had three breasts.
He said to the woman,
"Is there anything on you that you'd like to change?"
She said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?"
God snapped his fingers and it was done.
She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand,
"What am I going to do with this useless boob?"
Thus God created man.

Sunday morning services were going very smoothly when suddenly a
flash of light and smoke appeared in front of the pulpit
followed by a large "BOOM".
When the smoke cleared, the astonished congregation saw a red
figure complete with horns, pitchfork and tail.
Immediately, panic set in.
People crowded through the doors,
trampling each other in their rush to get away.
Satan watched the retreat with great glee,
but his mood was disturbed by the sight of one man
still lounging comfortably in his pew.
"Do you not know who I am?", Satan thundered.
The man's reply was nonchalant, "Sure I do."
Satan was puzzled. "Do you not fear me?" "Nope."
"Why not?"
The man snorted,
"What for? I been married to your sister for 35 years,
and this is still better than going home!"

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel "Any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them. "Yeah, looks like it"
"Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again...... "Yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....."

Two bikers were riding down a country road on a Harley. The driver's leather jacket wouldn't stay closed because the zipper had broken, so he pulled over. "Just put your jacket on backwards," his buddy suggested.
Then they zoomed off down the road, until they hit a curve at high speed and crashed. A farmer found them and called the police.
"Is either of them showing any sign of life?" asked the officer.
"Well, the first one was," replied the farmer, "until I turned his head around the right way."

What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A blonde driving through a flashing red light.

What's gray, crispy, and hangs from the ceiling?
A amateur electrician.

A man is driving down the freeway when his cell phone rings. It's his wife: "Bob, I just heard on the news that there is a car driving down the freeway the WRONG WAY! Please be careful!"
"It's true," Bob answered, "But not just one car! There's hundreds of them!"

A police officer was interviewing a young recruit. "If you're driving on a lonely raod at night," the officer asked, "and you're being chased by a gang of criminals going 60 miles per hour, what would you do?"
The applicant replied, "Seventy!"

"Doctor," Bob begs the psychiatrist, "you've got to help my wife! She thinks she's a race horse! She wants to live in a stable and she walks on all fours! She even eats hay!"
"I'm sure I can cure her," the shrink says, "but it will take a while and be very expensive."
"Oh, money isn't a problem," Bob said, "She's already won three races!"

Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

A man was going on a fishing trip weekend. He didn't have a lot of time, so he called his wife at home and told her to pack his fishing gear and his blue silk pajamas. When he returned, his wife asked him how the trip went. He replied, "It was great. But honey, you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." She replied, "No I didn't, I put them in your tackle box."

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, common, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

"I see, I see!" Said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Little Johnny had a thirst, but Johnny thirsts no more...for what he thought was H20 was H2S04.

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with
his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of the problems.
Finally, he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"Well, yes, I did once."Well, how did she look?"
"Oh boy, she looked VERY angry!"
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting
somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into
this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your
girlfriend's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How
did it occur that you saw her face that time?"
"She was watching us through the window."

Once I heard the voice of God... it sounded like "Vrrruuumm." Unless it was just a lawn mower.

A man was swimming in a pool when the life gaurd told him bluntly to get out.
When the man asked him for a reason to leave, he was answered with, "You peed in the pool!"
"Well everyone does that," the man snapped at the life guard.
"Yes, but you did it from the diving board."

A businessman was talking with his barber,
when they both noticed a goofy-looking fellow
bouncing down the sidewalk.
The barber whispered, "That's Tommy,
one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet.
Here, I'll show you."
"Hey Tommy! Come here!" yelled the barber.
Tommy came bouncing over "Hi Mr. Williams!"
The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter
and told Tommy he could keep the one of his choice.
Tommy looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then
quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand.
The barber looked at the businessman and said, "See, I told you."
After his haircut, the businessman caught up with Tommy
and asked him why he chose the dime.
Tommy looked at him in the eye and said,
"If I take the quarter, the game is over."

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia,
would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts,"
and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

If you take an Oriental person and spin them around several times,
do they become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles,"
why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

The other day I went to the local religious book store where
I saw a "Honk if you really love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car,
and I'm glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.
Stopped at the light of a busy intersection,
just lost in thought about the Lord and didn't notice
that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked!
I found lots of people who love Jesus.
Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy.
He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out
his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could.
Why, it was like a football game with him shouting,
"Go, Jesus Christ, Go!" Everyone else started honking,
so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled
to all those loving people.
There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I
could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach,
and I saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.
I had recently asked my two grandsons what that meant.
They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled,
and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign,
so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment
that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray,
but just then I noticed that the light had changed,
and I stepped on the gas.
It's a good thing I did,
because I was the only car to get across the intersection.
I looked back at them standing there. I leaned out the window,
gave them a big smile, and held up the Hawaiian Good Luck
sign as I drove away.

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the
Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners.
He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign,
"Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."
"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"
So he walks into the shop and sees an
old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.
The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like
"Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
"Is simple," says the old man.
"Many, many year ago when come to this country,
was stand in line at Documentation Center.
Man in front was big blonde Swede.
Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen."
Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"
"I say, Sem Ting."

Statistics show that American workers work the first three hours
of every day just to pay their taxes.
That must be why we can't get anything done in the morning
We're government workers!

If you have any more Interesting Thoughts please e-mail them to us. We will give you the credit.

Sign Guestbook

View Guestbook

Sugar In A Can
1345 Sugar Lane
Cozmopolitan	Narnia	00000
Appalachia
1-800- SUGA
Fax 555-Byte-Me
SugarInACan@hotmail.com

Visitors: 01754

Page Updated Thu Apr 20, 2000 10:54pm EDT