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ethinic jokes Ethnic Presents A little Italian boy and a little Jewish boy, lived about a block apart in the neighborhood and basically grew up together. The Jewish boy was the son of a Jeweler and the Italian boy was the son of a hit man. Oddly enough, they had the same birthday. For their 12th birthday, the little Jewish boy received a Rolex watch and the little Italian boy received a 22 Baretta. The next day, they are out on the street corner comparing their presents and neither is happy, so they switch gifts with each other. The little Italian boy goes home to show his Father and his Father is NOT pleased. "What are you, nuts? Let me tell you something, you idiot! Some day you're gonna meet a nice girl, you're gonna wanna settle down and get married. You'll have a few kids, all that stuff. THEN one day, you're gonna come home and find your wife in bed with another man. What the hell ya gonna do? Look at your watch and say, 'Hey, how long you gonna be?'" Chinese Jews There was a group of New York Jews, touring several cities in China. One day in Beijing, they happened down a side street and one spotted a Star of David hanging in front of what appeared to be a Synagogue. With considerable curiosity, one member of the party stuck his head inside and sure enough, it was a Synagogue and a service was in progress. Quietly, the New Yorkers entered and seated themselves to enjoy the Chinese service. When the services came to an end, all the Chinese Jews rose and were filing out, the Rabbi was out front shaking hands, and thanking members for coming when he noticed group of New York Jews. He smiled and said, "And who might you kind souls be...?" The leader of the New York group, explained that they were a group of American Jews, travelling the lovely country of China and were somewhat surprised to find a Synagogue in China, but had thoroughly enjoyed the service. At this point, the Chinese Rabbi interrupted and said,"But...you... don't look Jewish....!" Where To Pee in Moscow An American tourist in Moscow, found himself needing to take a leak something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find anyplace to relieve himself. So he just went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Before he could even get unzipped, a Moscow Police Office asked, "Hey you, what are you doing?" The American replied, "I gotta pee, man." "You can't pee here. Look, follow me," answered the Moscow Police Officer. The Police Officer led him to a beautiful garden, with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the Officer. "Pee here." The American shrugs, turns, unzips, and starts right on the flowers. "Ahhh. Whew. Thanks. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" enquires the grateful American. "No. This is the American Embassy," laughed the Police Officer. Girlhunting Two builders from New Zealand, called Phil and Mick, are working at the top of a high rise building site. Phil turns to Mick and says, "I've gotta take a piss, but there's nowhere to go". "Walk out to the end of that plank" replies Mick. "I'll stand on this end and balance it." "Are you sure, Mick?" "Yep, no worries mate!" "100%?" "YES!" So, out goes Phil to take a piss, but before he's finished, the lunch siren sounds. Mick forgets what he's supposed to be doing and steps off the plank. Phil, of course, is a goner. Several months later, an Australian, a Frenchman and a New Zealander are sitting in a bar discussing which of their respective nations chase women the hardest. Wazza the Aussie says, "Mate, I've been known to miss a piss-up session down at the pub with me mates trying to crack on the Sheila's!" Pierre, the Frenchman says, "Non, non, non. We French chase ze women weeth much zest and geev to zem gifts of love like French champagne to ween zeir affection. Eet ees us for sure!" Meanwhile, Bob the New Zealander sits laughing and says, "No no, you blokes are both wrong. The other month I was walking past a building site at home, following these two gorgeous looking birds, and this bloke came plummeting from the sky with his dick in his hand screaming: "CUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTT!!!" Looking for Tony An old Italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while, they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask, "Escusa me, have you seen-a me Tony? He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband. So the Italian woman goes to ask another saleswoman, "Escusa me, have you seen-a me Tony? He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" "No, I'm sorry ma'am, I haven't seen your husband." The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and asks, "Escusa me, have you seen-a me Tony? He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers, "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety split." To which the Italian woman answers, "No, no, no, that's not-a my Tony. He pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no lickety split!" Greatest Invention Q: What is the greatest Swedish invention of all time? A: The inflatable dartboard. Hooker Q: What do you call a black hooker with braces? A: A black-n-decker pecker wrecker. Shoes Untied Q: Why do Mexicans always walk around with one shoe untied? A: Because the bottom of their shoe says 'Taiwan' Good News An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His best friend walks by, sees the paper, and stops in shock. "What are you doing reading that paper?" he says. "You should be reading the 'Jewish Journal'!" The elderly man replies, "The Jewish Journal has stories about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel - all kinds troubles of the Jewish people. I like to read about good news." His friend gasps, "WHAT good news could possibly be in that paper?" "Well, Farrakhan's paper says the Jews have all the money, the Jews control the banks, the Jews control the press, the Jews control Hollywood -- see? It's all *good* news!" The Kilt A lady shyly approaches a kilt-clad man and asks, "Is anything worn under the kilt?" He replies, "Aye, but it looks brand new." They say... The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine." The Scot says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have scotch." The Swede says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have aquavit." The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka." The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer." The Greek says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have ouzo." The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes." An Irishman An Irishman walks out of a bar. |
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