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| Blonde Joke Q: Why do blonde nurses carry a red magic marker? A: In case they have to draw blood. Dead Bird Three neighbors, a blonde woman and two brunettes, walked outside one day. One brunette saw a bird lying on the ground, dead. She said, "Oh, look at the poor dead bird!" The other brunette looked to the ground and saw the bird, too. The blonde looked up in the air and said, "Where?" Fire! A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump,Jump! It's your only chance to survive." The Brunette jumps and SWISH. The firemen yank the blanket away and the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. "Jump, you have to jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no, you're going to pull the blanket away," says the Redhead. "No, it's Brunettes we can't stand. We're okay with Redheads," the firemen replied. "Okay," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH. The firemen yank the blanket away, and thelady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump, You have to jump!" "No way. You're just going to pull the blanket away," yelled the Blonde. "No, Really. You have to jump, We won't pull the blanket away." The firemen quickly answered. "Look," the Blonde replies. "Nothing you say is going to convince me that you're not going to pull the blanket away. So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it!" Time for Mass There are two brunettes and a blonde. The one brunette says to the blonde and other brunette that she has to go to the four o'clock mass. The blonde asks her, "What time does it start?" Working Hard A blonde walks into a bank with a large bag of money and wants to open an account. The teller says, "My, did you horde all that money yourself?" The blond replied, "No, my sister whored half of it." Blonde Detectives A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her,"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear." Blondes and Computers Q: How do you know if a blonde's been at a computer? A: The monitor is still off, there's 20 cents in the hard drive, a piece of cheese next to the mouse and a condom on the joystick. Book Lover The blonde walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!" The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book." Different Blondes Q: What's the difference between a blond male and a blond female? A: The female has a higher sperm count. Blonde Jokes - #489 Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. So, she got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout. Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out. They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would. About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought." Sally replied, "I can't understand that. Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left." Blonde Jokes - #491 Did you hear about the overweight blonde woman that went to her doctor complaining about her lack of a sex life? "I have a solution," said the doctor. "Diet and everything will be okay." "What color?" asked the blonde. Blonde Jokes - #488 Q: What do blondes have against condoms? A: Their cheeks. Blonde Jokes - #497 Did you here of the blonde who bought two copies of the same comic book? She did it in case she wanted to read it twice. Blonde Jokes - #496 Q: What does the blonde say when the man puts his tongue in her mouth? A: "You're putting it in the wrong hole!" Blonde Jokes - #499 A blonde husband was saying to his friend, "My wife seems to have developed some sort of fixation that her collection of fur coats will be stolen. When I came home early one day last week, I found she'd hired someone to 'guard' them. In fact, she stationed the poor guy right inside the closet!" Blonde Jokes - #504 Q: What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer? A: A hula hoop with a nail in it. Blonde Jokes - #501 "How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street. He'd been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute." "What did you do?" asks the bartender. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!" Blonde Jokes - #503 A blonde, brunette, and red head were on top of a magic mountain. The myth of the mountain was that if you jumped off of it and yelled out what you wanted to be, you would instantly turn into it. The brunette jumped off and said she wanted to be an Eagle, so she turned into an Eagle and flew away. Next, the red head jumped off and said she wanted to be a cat. So, she landed on all fours and walked away. Then the blonde got a running start, tripped over a rock, and yelled, "SHIT!" Blonde Jokes - #507 Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash? A: She's the one on her bike. Blonde Jokes - #508 Did you hear about the blonde who committed suicide? She was throwing away a cigarette from atop of the Empire State Building, but she threw the wrong butt off. Blonde Jokes - #506 Q: How do you recognize a blonde at the airport? A: She's the one throwing bread at the airplanes. |
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