bar jokes
Got Cable?
I met this gal in a bar and one thing lead to another, so I said to her,
"Let's go back to my place."
She asked, "Oh, do you have cable?" I replied, "No, but I do have some old
ropes, that should do just fine."
Crushed
Last New Year's Eve, a lady stood up at the local pub and said that it was
time to get ready for the celebrations.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to
the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to
death.
A Little Company
A business woman is sitting at a bar when a man approaches her. "Hi, honey," he says. "Want a little company?" "Why?" asks the woman. "Do you have one to sell?"
Bar Jokes - #87
A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?" The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender said, "That should make you happy." The man sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month is up today!"
Bar Jokes - #92
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots
of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for
over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's
going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man
replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles,
and then slurs, "Not anymore!"
Bar Jokes - #91
Stuck in a strange city by bad weather, the drinker was bored. He sat in
the bar and looking to strike up a conversation, turned to bartender and
said, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress..."
"Stop! I don't permit talk about politics in my bar!" interrupted the
bartender.
A few minutes later the gent tried again, "People say about the Pope..."
"No religion talk, either," the bartender cut in.
"Look, how about sex. Can I talk sex?"
"Sure."
"Then screw you."
Bar Jokes - #90
Big Hoss had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was
a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed a break and
came in to town for a few beers.
In the bar, was the local jock of the town's football team. He was
bragging about his girlfriend and how she was darn lucky to have him for
a boyfriend.
Big Hoss, after drinking 6 bottles of beer, was heard to say, "Buddy, if
she went out with me, she'd never go out with you ever again."
To which the local jock replied, "Hey buddy, if she went out with you,
she'd never go out with ANYONE ever again."
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