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Mens Rules For Women

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1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet
up when you are done.

2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include
something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer,
and Red.

3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.

4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine
bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins
deserving your contempt.

5. Shopping is not fascinating.

6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only
joking.
1. Unless the answer is yes.
2. In which case, can he videotape it?
3. If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking jerks.

7. The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or
tending the grill.

8. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room
is not funny.

9. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.

10. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e.
Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc.) should be met with roughly
the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when
it walks for the first time.

11. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.

12. He heard you the first time.

13. You know, you can ask him out too. let's spread the rejection around
a little.

14. If you truly want honesty, Don't ask questions you Don't really want
the answer.

15. Of course he wants another beer.

16. The guy doesn't always have to sleep on the wet spot.

17. Dogs are good. Cats are bad.

18. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.

19. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit through
"Showgirls".

20. "Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument.

21. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting
he stop for directions.

22. He was not looking at that other girl.
1. Well, okay... maybe a little.
2. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never
looked at another guy...

23. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you
have ever met. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.

24. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine.
As a matter of fact, it/they look darn good. Stop asking.

25. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm.

26. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow
with him.

27. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in
the shower.

28. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.

29. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks
fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do
not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.

30. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you.
Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than
him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people,
love the one you're with.

31. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.

32. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly
thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.

33. Don't hog the covers.

34. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the
halftime show to act upon it.

35. He does not just want to be friends.

36. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence:
"You know, why Don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having
freaky circus sex all night

THIS

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STUPIDLY

FUHNY

mrwagner420@cs.com

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Page Updated Thu Jan 4, 2001 7:37pm EST