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How To Be Annoying

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Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 0800 operators for dates.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire copy warnings and
Simon Bates "Whenever you rent or buy a video..." bits

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Set alarms for random times.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed`s stereo, with the
volume properly adjusted.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunter`s Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "The Grumbleweeds" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Wear your trousers backwards.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary
mints by the cash register.

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
(Please note: Dot Matrix printers only.)

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone`s
roadmaps.

Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/
OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
"What?" "Never mind, it`s gone now."

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until
physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone`s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Finish the 99 green bottles song.

Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song.

Leave your indicator on for fifty miles.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your
chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

Name your dog "Dog".

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with "that`s what YOU think."

Lick the filling out of all the jammy Dodgers, and place the biscuit
parts back in the tray.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was
a "good one".

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you
don`t want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a
can of Glade Air Freshener.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers` brains.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first
in the phone book. Claim it`s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people
pronounce each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see
if they slow down.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Ask to "interface" with someone.

Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is
necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

Sing along at the opera.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn`t rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in
a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn`t
cricket." Hmmm Geoff Boycott?

Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you`ll be saying more any
moment.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
ears.

Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it,
announcing the results.

Give a play-by-play account of a person`s every action in an
annoying John Motson or Jimmy Hill voice.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people`s parties.

Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

THIS

WEBSITE

STUPIDLY

FUHNY

mrwagner420@cs.com

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Page Updated Thu Jan 4, 2001 7:37pm EST