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| Not Your Usual Calorie Chart Question: Does anyone have any information on how much calories are burned by various sexual activities? This may be the best physical exercise to lose weight! Answer: ACTIVITY.......................CALORIES BURNED REMOVING CLOTHES: With partner`s consent.............12 Without partner`s consent.........187 UNHOOKING BRA: Using two calm hands................7 Using one trembling hand...........36 GETTING INTO BED: Lifting partner....................15 Dragging partner along floor.......16 Using skateboard....................3 ACHIEVING ERECTIONS: For normal healthy man............2.5 Losing erection....................14 Searching for it..................115 PUTTING ON CONDOM: With erection.....................1.5 Without erection..................300 INSERTING DIAPHRAGM: If the woman who does it is Experienced....................6 Inexperienced.................73 If a man does it.............680 Add (5) calories for retreiving it from accross the room. POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY: Italian- Man on top, woman in kitchen............................26 Russian- Woman on bottom, Man getting permission.............55 American- Both on top..............60 POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE: Bouncing............................7 Sliding around......................9 Serious skidding...................12 Whiplash...........................27 ORGASM: Real...............................27 Faked.............................160 ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE: Shoes flew off.....................35 Expression didn`t change..........1/2 Orchestra swelled...................6 Birds sang Large birds......................7 Small birds......................3 Earth moved........................30 PULLING OUT: After orgasm.....................1/2 A few moments before orgasm......500 PENIS ENVY: For woman..........................3 For men...........................72 GUILT: Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily, naturally.........53 You`re enjoying sex, despite the fact that other people are starving.........................2 Sex on your lunch hour.............3 Putting it on expense account.....20 AGGRAVATION: Partner keeps showing plants.......5 Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay.................14 Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time........................10 Partner is taking phone calls......7 Partner is making phone calls.....40 GETTING CAUGHT: By partner`s spouse...............60 By your spouse...................100 Trying to explain.................55 Trying to remain calm............100 Leaping out of bed................75 Getting dressed in one motion....500 Thanking partner quickly...........2 |
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