U = S - L
Where : L = {(P x a) Ts} / (Tr x Wi)
U = Ugly bird factor
S = Sober attraction factor (see text below)
L = Downward shift of Standards (to be subtracted from S)
P = Pints consumed
a = Strength of lager (see conversion table)
Ts = Time since last shag (months)
Tr = Time remaining at establishment(hours)
Wi = Number of witnesses present
Conversion table for (a)
Bud Light = .5
Fosters/Heineken = 1
Castle/Amstel/Lion= 1.5
Black Label = 2.0
Before you do anything you have to be brutally honest and decide a figure
(S) on a scale of 1 to 15 (budgieometer) as to what your average budgie
pull is likely to look like while you are sober (1 being a Poodle through
to 15 being Claudia Schiffer).
The result of the formula (L) is the figure you MINUS from your sober
score(S) in order to obtain (U). The value (U) is then checked on the
corresponding budgieometer. Hey presto, you have a value for your bird's
ugliness. Although this formula is purely for statistical purposes one
usually finds their mates are highly calibrated indicators. |