Jokez - Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/stuffpage/Jokez

HERE ARE SOME GOOD YO MAMA... JOKES

Yo mama's so fat, When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
Yo mama's so fat, When she dances she makes the band skip.
Yo mama's so fat, When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
Yo mama's so fat, She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Yo mama's so fat, Her ass has its own congressman.
Yo mama's so fat, When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat, Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Yo mama's so fat, Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
Yo mama's so fat, The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
Yo mama's so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
Yo mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
Yo mama's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo mama's so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashingthrough the wall.
Yo mama's so fat, she could sell shade.
Yo mama's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Yo mama's so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
Yo mama's so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo mama's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
Yo mama's so fat, her nickname is DAMN!

BLONDE JOKES

1.) What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

2.) Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

3.) What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common? You always hear about them but never see them.

4.) What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.

5.) Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.

6.) How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.

7.) Why can't Blondes dial 911? They can't find the 11 on the phone!

8.) What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

9.) How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer? There is whiteout all over the monitor.

10.) Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

11.) A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Were you ever a Blonde?" "Yes I was." she replies. "why do you ask?" The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

12.) A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"

13.) A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21". A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21". Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place. The Brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail , counting "22" "22" "22"

14.) How do you drown a Blonde? Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

15.) Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.

16.) How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear.

17.) Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

18.) Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to Death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for Winter".

19.) Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

20.) A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm winning?!" A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's going on here?' he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy!, Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. "You IDIOT!!!," says the husband, "My wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked and scaring the kids."

Redneck Jokez

If Your Two Year Old Has More Teeth Than You Do, You Might Be A Redneck

If Your Mother Keeps A Spit Cup On The Ironing Board, You Might Be A Redneck

If The UFO Hotline Limits You To One Call A Day, You Might Be A Redneck

If Directions To Your House Include Turn Off The Paved Road, You Might Be A Redneck

If You've Been Married 3 Times And Still Have The Same Inlaws, You Might Be A Redneck

If You Refer To Your Wife ANd Your MotherInlaw As Dual Airbags, You Might Be A Redneck

If You Prefer To Walk The Excess Length Off Your Jeans Rather Than Hem Them, You Might Be A Redneck

If Going To The Bathroom In The Middle Of the Night Includes Shoes And A Flashlight, You Might Be A Redneck

If You've Been On Television More Than 5 Times Describing What The Tornado Sounded Like

If You've Ever Cut Your Grass And Found A Car, You Might Be A Redneck

If You've Ever Been Too Drunk To Fish, You Might Be A Redneck

If Someone Askes To See Your ID And You Show 'Em Your Belt Buckle, You Might Be A Redneck

If Your Dog And Your Wallet Are Both On A Chain, You Might Be A Redneck

If Everyday Somebody Comes To Your Door Mistakingly Thinking You're Having A Yard Sale, You Might Be A Redneck

If You've Ever Financed A Tatoo, You Might Be A Redneck

If You Go To A Family ReUnion To Meet Women, You Might Be A Redneck

If You See A Sign That Says Say No To Crack And It Reminds You To Pull Your Jeans Up, You Just Might Be A Redneck

If Your Wife's Hairdo Has Ever Been Destroyed By A Ceiling Fan, You Might Be A Redneck

If You Own A Home That Is Moble And 14 Cars That Aren't, You Might Be A Redneck

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Page Updated Wed Jan 26, 2000 8:03pm EST