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EVENTS Orlando, FL
INFORMATION FOR LIFE I
INFORMATION FOR LIFE II
QUOTES
GAY STORIES I
GAY STORIES II
GAY STORIES III
GAY STORIES IV
GAY STORIES V
GAY STORIES VI
GAY STORIES VII
GAY STORIES VIII
GAY STORIES VIIII
GAY STORIES X
DIRTY JOKES I
DIRYT JOKES II
DIRTY JOKES III
DIRTY JOKES IV
DIRTY JOKES V
DIRTY JOKES VI
NAUGHTY HUMOR I
NAUGHTY HUMOR II
NAUGHTY HUMOR III
CARTOONS
IMAGES
MY FAVORITE LINKS
MORE STORIES I
MORE STORIES II
MORE STORIES III
MORE STORIES IV
MORE STORIES V
MORE STORIES VI
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| DIRTY JOKE'S VI |
| more dirty humor |
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 1. Cover your stump before you hump 2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker 3. Don't be silly, protect your willy 4. When in doubt, shroud your spout 5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner 6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong 7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it 8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey 9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize 10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter 11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick 12. If you go into heat, package your meat 13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis 14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse 15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member 16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker 17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool 18. The right selection will protect your erection 19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil 20. A crank with armor will never harm her 21. No glove, no love! OUT OF AMMO An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor. TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX 10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7) You don't have to compliment the person who gave you some. 6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are. 5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy. 4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. 3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning. 2) Less guilt the morning after. 1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD The Money The crime boss and his attorney meet with his accountant. "Where's the 3 million dollars you embezzled from me?" demands the gangster. The accountant is silent. "Where's my three million?" the crime boss shouts. The lawyer explains, "Sir, the man is deaf. Allow me to translate." So, using sign language, the attorney asks the accountant about the money, and the message is relayed back that the accountant knows nothing about it. Furious, the crime boss pulls out a revolver and puts it to the deaf accountant's head. Screaming at the lawyer, "Ask him where my money is!" "Okay, okay" the accountant signs back. "The money's hidden behind the old toolshed in my back yard" he signs back. "What did he say?" demands te crime boss. The attorney relies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger." Mugging Your Congressman Late one night in Washington, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money!" he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this. I'm a United States Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "give me my money!" A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?" The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?" For The Love Of The Game A Boston man sits on his living room couch watching the American League Championship Series between the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees, as any man is prone to do. In comes his wife, huffing and puffing, and stands in front of the television screen. At that moment, Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra hits a two-run homer. "Stan!" she yelled. "I think you love the Red Sox more than you love me." "You know what?" the man said full of rage. "Right now I love the Yankees more than you!" Pop Up, Pop Down Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked. "You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!" "Really? How'd you do that?" "I dropped the ball." Say a Little Prayer On the night of their wedding, a young couple finally retired to their hotel room. After making her preparations, the bride came out of the bathroom to find the bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man. "I'll take care of that," she replied. "You pray for endurance." Eden Wear A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit! A Few Extra Stitches A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. "Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me." "I know!" grinned the patient. "But the nurses kind of formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches." THE DEVILISH IN-LAW One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years." A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital. After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp. The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "If neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try." Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrusts continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?" "Change of plans," the physician panted. "I'm going to drown the little bastard!" A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and looking a bit irritated. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!" ADULT FAIRYTALES Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm. Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking lovestruck and **very** satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power Tell me his name" "I can't remember, exactly ...Peter Peter, something or other...." ____________________________________________________ Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me, Tell the Truth, Lie to me, Tell theTruth" ______________________________________________________ Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm gonna throw up your little red dress, pull down your little red pants and I'm going to screw your little red socks off" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "Oh no you're not. You're going to eat me, Just like it says in the book" ______________________________________________________ Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court. The judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "No, No, Wait, .... I said she was fuckin Goofy." _________________________________________________ Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters whenever they had sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever need indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple> of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchi bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend? |
| Orlando, | Florida | 32835 |
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| Visitors: 00285 |