Jokes - http://maxpages.com/state/Practical_Jokes

I have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. Needless
to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were victims of some
pretty funny jokes. One of the favorites as I recall (and still is) is
to go into the bathroom while the victim is taking a shower, and pour
a bucket of extreeeemmmlly cold water on them over the top of the
shower curtain. This is quite a shocking experience, and if you are
fast enough you can get away before the victim finds out you did it.

I remember one guy I lived with getting this all the time. One time
he got sick of putting up with it and jumped out of the shower into
the hall squirting shampoo at everyone in sight. The next time this
happened the guys were ready with a camera to take pictures of him as
he ran out of the bathroom. These pictures were later shown at his
bachelor party.

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1) Got a neighbor that's a real pain in the ass? Do they have a
lawn? Do they have a garden that's accessible? Yes to all the
above? Great! Go out and get yourself some grass-killer and fill
the suckers hose with the stuff. Then sit back and wait for them
water their lawn! Nuff said?

2) Does the person that you want to get even with drink red wine? If
so, have I got one for you! Get yourself some Neutral Red, a water
soluble, crystalline, red dye. Mix some into the persons wine and
wait for them to take a leak. (Nuetral Red comes out as red as it
goes in, and people have a tendancy to get really nervous when they
start pissing what they think is blood!

3) (I'm surprised nobody mentioned this one yet.) Go to a pet shop and
buy a fancy looking pet collar and leash. Then, the next time you
see a dead animal in the road, attach the leash and collar setup
to its neck. Attach the whole thing to revengees rear bumper, making
sure to toss dead animal under the car so it won't be seen. When
revengee drives away, chances are he/she will be stopped by either a cop
or a member of some animal lovers group for draggin some poor defenseless
pet down the road. Either way, they are gonna have some awful quick
explaining to do!

4) Last, but certainly not least, is a great stink bomb. This one takes
a bit of time for preparation, so it's not too good for spontaneous
revenge. (But it's worth the time!) Get a quart jar with a rubber seal.
(Mason jars work quite well.) Pour about 1/4 to 1/2 inch of crystal Drano
along with about an inch or so of warm water into the jar. Place the
lid on the jar and allow the mixture to sit in a warm place for about an
hour. Take the lid off and add six egg whites, (no yokes). Add a quarter
cup of Methylene Blue, then fill the jar to within an inch of the top
with water. Seal the jar tightly and allow to sit for four to six weeks.
(I warned you it takes a while!) When the 'bomb' is ready to use, you
can either throw it like a molitov(sp?) cocktail, or shake it up and
pour the contents out, making damn sure you don't get any on yourself.
The results have to be seen, or is that smelled, to be beleived!

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Is everyone out in net land familiar with Sensormatic? They are the company
that make the large plastic clips that set off alarms when you exit a
department store. I used to work for a department store and the is what
we did.

Open up the clip and remove the shiny piece of paper. It is about an inch
long and about half an inch wide. This is the "thingy" (that is the technical
word for it) that sets off the alarm. This "thingy" is easy to insert into
a pen case, lining of a jacket ...

We did this to a co worker and needless to say, he had problems wearing a
particular jacket to work.

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We have various local spots where the teenagers park, cruise, hold drag
races, drink beer etc. We happen to own a white 1983 Dodge Diplomat,
the exact kind of car used by the State Patrol around here as well as
many law enforcement agencies nationwide. (Actually our car WAS a
state patrol car, but that's another story). Anyway, my brother in
law, who is a cruiser, would occasionally borrow this car and drive it
down to the cruising spots. Needless to say, when they saw him coming
there was brief but furious activity. He finally had to stop doing
this because it made his friends so mad.

People hate to pass us on the freeway too. It is not unusual to see
some Camaro or Porche come zipping along through traffic until he is
about 2 car lengths behind us, then decelerate to a perfect 55.00 miles
per hour. It takes him about 10 seconds to look us over, decide we
aren't in uniform, notice that we don't have state license plates, and
make up his mind. He will then typiclaly test how fast his car will
accelerate to about 90 mph.

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They had a 'witchy' old lady next door that was constantly complaining
about everything and everyone in the neighborhood. After one really good
round about kids and pets messing up her spotless front yard, my buddies
planned what turned out to be a better joke than they originally thought.
Juvenile as we all were, they planned to write some dirty words in her
meticulously-groomed front lawn with some kind of powder that would stand
out. The only thing they could find was some Ortho Super-Gro Lawn Food
(white powdery stuff). They wrote the message in the dead of night, and
next morning it was bold and white for the world to see.
The 'kicker' came after. She came out, saw the graffiti, and immediately
grabbed a hose and WATERED IT OFF!

To this day, those sections of grass are just a little bit greener than
everything around them, and the words can STILL be read!

This reminds me of a story that a former roommate related to me. In college
he and a group of friends got revenge on complete strangers. ....Well, let
me set up the situation.

Y'know how sometimes you gotta park real far away from your destination
because certain types of people like to take up two parking spaces...?
Well, he and his friends got a little ticked about this, especially during
weekends at the school. One day, they decided to get even with every
\verb+"#@@#\$#@$&&"+ that took up "their" space. They turned the car sideways.
As he said, "He wanted that space so bad, now he can have it for a loooong
time!"

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In a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination
you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack
between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by
the hinges; across the width of the door from the doorknob...) You need an
egg (NOT hard-boiled), and a wood floor (you don't want the egg cracking on
carpeting, do you??). Now, have your victim get on the opposite side of
the door from you, and put 2 fingers through the door. Hand him the egg,
in those two fingers. Working with him, trade the egg back and forth a
couple of times, moving UP the door frame. After you have his confidence,
leave. He will be trapped there, holding this egg by two fingers through
the door. If he lets go and nobody takes the egg, it will crash to the
floor. Best to do in the person's own room.

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A few years ago some members of the infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed
an occupied one-seat outhouse off its foundations, onto its door. The
victim tried in vain for a few minutes to roll the entire building onto a
different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy. She then was forced
to climb out through the seat, and over the pit near the bottom (now side)
of the outhouse.

The followup to this episode was that some `friends' seized me in the
middle of the night and tied my feet in a noose suspended in a tree. But
that's another story.

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This practical joke is hearsay. A fellow student some years ago
related the following. Apparently another student was a bit of
a braggar. His favourite topic was his car, and one sub-topic
was the terrific gas milage (pre-metric) it got.

So it began one evening. Fill up a one-gallon container of gas
each night and pour it into the victim's gas tank. Wait for the
story each day to get better and better. Repeat until it cannot
be taken any more. I believe 2 weeks was sufficient.

Finally the moment (days) of truth. Each night for 2 weeks,
the effect was reversed, and one gallon of gas was REMOVED from
the victim's tank. It was amazingly effective at reducing some
of the stories. I suspect the truth was never revealed to the
victim.

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Another harmless practical joke to be played on people living in multiple story
apartment buildings is as follows:
Knock on victim's door. Say, "I've got to use your window, someone's about to
jump from an apartment above yours." Run to window and look outside, but don't
let victim look.
At this point your accomplice dumps a rag-filled dummy either from the window
above or from the roof. The dummy should be fully closed; for added realism put
some plastic bags of fake blood inside the clothes.
On the sidewalk below, a third accomplice puts down a plastic sheet, then
covers it with a sheet painted to resemble the sidewalk. After the body hits,
let the victim see the gore, then convince him to run down and help while you
stay and call the ambulance. As soon as the victim has left, signal your
accomplice to remove the sheets and the dummy and head for some prearranged
hiding place. Then you leave the apartment and disappear somewhere in the
building; later, you make your way downstairs and leave.
The victim will race downstairs expecting to find a dead bloody body and
will instead see only clean, empty pavement. Of course, it is best done late
at night since the joke would be spoiled by a passer-by who informed the
victim of the "body's" fate.
The fun comes imagining the victim trying to convince the police or anyone
else of what happened!

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In our residence the lounge door can be locked (or unlocked) by any room
key from the floor. You can also remove the handles from a door (ie the lock
comes too) and switch the handles.

We did this to one guy, he was the only one who could lock the door to the
lounge (we never locked anyway) but everyone could get into his room.
Every night for a week (at about 3:30 am) someone would go in and do something
to him while he was asleep (nothing really nasty). As he was a sound sleeper, it
actually took him a week to figure out what was going on.

Disclaimer: Kids at home, Don't try this.

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This one reminded me of a joke some of the guys on our floor pulled on another
guy while he was in the shower. While he was in the shower, they took all his
clothes and even his towel and hung them outside in the hall (over water
pipes in the ceiling - we were in the basement). I don't know how long he
stayed in there and/or whether or not someone ever gave him back his clothes.
The worst part of this one was that there were 2 shower stalls in the bathroom -
and I happened to be in the other one; it could of happened to me!!

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In my younger days, while employed at a warehouse, I was the butt
of the usual practical jokes directed at newcomers.(Fetch me a light-bulb
repair kit, son;etc) As days passed, I noticed that one of my antagonists
was actually afraid of his terminal. This was at the time when the press
was full of accounts of the dangers of X-rays from color TV's, and this
guy was deathly afraid of the noise made by the high-voltage section of the
CRT as it warmed up. Each morning he sat in his swivel chair, coffee in his
left hand, and with the chair as far as possible away from the terminal, used
his right hand to quickly flick the ON switch, and then jerked it away from
THE CERTAIN DEATH THAT AWAITED. After the racket settled down, he would
wheel
up to the terminal and commence operations.
This situation was too good for yours truly to pass up. I went upstairs
and pulled out a stock item, a stadium buzzer, used by high schools on the
football fields to announce the end of a quarter. I came in early the next
morning and installed it in one of his file boxes, near the terminal. I ran the
wires out to the next office via a pass-thru, and alerted all of the staff
(but him) of what was about to transpire.
He entered the room, coffee in hand, and sat in his chair. All others
were heads-down in work. He adjusted his chair to the proper distance, reached
way out for the switch, and as soon as he pulled, I plugged in the cord. As the
buzzer sounded, he assumed the facial expressions of one who has seen death
reaching it's skeltal fingers to snatch him from the land of the living.
Coffee flew to the ceiling, and for a few brief seconds before hitting the
opposite wall, a new world land speed record for backward swivel-chair
operation was established!

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Preface: The person that this is played on must be someone who really
deserves it because it takes several people to pull off. He must
also live on the first floor of his dorm. It must also occur in the winter
in a suitably cold and barren area like Dartmouth.

PHASE 1:

We did this trick to someone we found very difficult to live with.
When the victim was away from his room we began to pile up a large amount of
snow outside of his window. The conditions were perfect. His window was
divided into two sections. One didn't open, the other (in theory) swung
outward like a door. The snow was wet and packed heavily and easily.
(On colder days a hose may be used to harden the snow.) We built a huge
pile of snow which reached six or eight feet back from the part of his
window that swung. We then, as a demoralizing factor, put a cosmetic layer
of snow which completely covered the section which didn't open.

When we had finished the outside work we went into his room and closed his
shade and curtain so that he would not notice what we had done until it was
too late.

PHASE 2:

We then waited for him to come home. Luckily his room was on a side of the
dorm away from the entrance so that our work wasn't visible from the approach.
He arrived and entered his room. We listened outside his door until we
heard his shade go up and a sudden "What the F--K?" as only pure, white
snow was visible through the window. At this point we wedged a paperback
book between his door and the frame. (Similar to using pennies, but more
effective.)

We then sat back and listened as he started towards the door. "Allright, who
put all the snow outside my...what the F--K? OPEN THIS DOOR!"

The show got more exciting as he, thinking that he could still just go out the
window, walked over, opened his curtain, tried to open the window, and became
aware of the magnitude of the problem facing him. He had no phone, and so
could not call the campus police to come help him. His neighbors would
not heed his cries, because most of them had assisted us with the trick.

We eventually released him, but only after he had come to the realization that
he needed to be more considerate of those living around him, or else face
living out the rest of a prematurely shortened life in a small, snow
covered dorm room.

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My favorite dorm practical joke involved collecting newspapers for about 3
months by everyone. When a guy on my floor had a three hour lab we crumpled
up newspapers and completely filled his room from floor to ceiling.
When he returned, he had to go in through in the bathroom, and wasn't even able
to get the door open far enough to get through.

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Want some fun times! Heres the way:

1. While your friend is sleeping, carefully water down his mattress.
(If he sleeps in a waterbed, just give it a few punctures)

2. Take an extension cord, clip off the cube-tap, seperate the wires,
and strip the two ends, exposing about two inches of bare wire.

3. Wrap one end around his left big toe, the other on his right.

4. Stand near an electrical outlet, plug the poor unsuspecting soul in!

This is a great ice breaker for your new roommate, etc. Cleanup is
a bit, er, messy, but well worth the gag. You can be guarenteed that
the victim will be impressed! And think of it: No retaliation! It's
the perfect practical joke! And to think that nobody's posted it yet.

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About nine years ago the book "The Adolescense of P1" was very popular at
the computer shop where I was employed. In case you don't know, this is
about a hacker named Gregory and a computer program he wrote which is self-
perpetuating. Years later he is employed as an honest Systems Analyst and has
almost forgotten about his "child." Then the system downstairs prints out
"CALL GREGORY" and locks up ... followed by a thickening plot, some
humorous, some frightening.

I worked nights. It wasn't hard to replace the boot file on our system disks
with another that typed out "CALL GREGORY" before replacing itself with the
original.

It's funny that there haven't been more computer practical jokes posted
here. What a marvelous opportunity the computer affords the practical joker!

I designed and wrote a point-of-sale system which was first installed in
1976, after which I left the company. At midnight, December 31, 1977 every
system in the country stopped whatever it was doing, flashed every light and
sounded every beeper on every cash register, printed "Happy New Year" on
every printer, and went back to whatever it was doing. I wonder how that
happened?

Some of the least elaborate practical jokes are the most effective. Go with
a couple of friends, stand near some busy street corner, and take a great
interest in some point near the top of a tall building, or maybe just up in
the sky. Watch the reactions of people around you.

Take an old windowshade, go to a gymnastics show or anywhere else where people
wear leotards, wait for someone to do a split, and tear the windowshade
briskly, making a very loud ripping sound ...

Go to any gag store and get a fake plastic vomit. Put it in a drinking
fountain. Wet it is amazingly realistic ...

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Back around 1969 at another university, we had just gotten time sharing
facilities and because of the unrest (this was about Kent State) we had
armed guards protecting the computer and the few terminals. It being
around midnight, I got the guards playing an interactive monopoly game.
The next evening i was confronted by a VERY upset computer operator.
Apparently at about 4:00AM one guard landed on Boardwalk and the game
ended when he didn't have enough money to pay the rent. The guards
DEMANDED the operator restart the game and bcame more and more upset
when he couldn't.

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Page Updated Tue Jun 8, 1999 5:59pm EDT