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Bar Jokes
Bar Jokes 1Bar Jokes 2Bar Jokes 3Bar Jokes 4Bar Jokes 5Bar Jokes 6Bar Jokes 7Bar Jokes 8Bar Jokes 9Bar Jokes 10Bar Jokes 11Bar Jokes 12Bar Jokes 13Bar Jokes 14Barney Jokes
Barney Jokes 1Barney Jokes 2Blonde Jokes
Dumb Blonde JokesBlonde Jokes 1Buisness Jokes
Buisness JokesBuisness 2Buisness 3Buisness 4Buisness 5buisness 6buisness 7buisness 8Buisness 9Buisness 10Buisness 11Buisness 12Chicken Jokes
Chicken JokesClinton Jokes
Clinton JokesClinton Jokes 2Educational Jokes
Education 1Education 2Education 3The Nerdy Test Part 1The Nerdy Test Part 2Elephant 1Elephant Jokes
Elephant 3Elephant 2Holiday Jokes
Holiday JokesHoliday Jokes 2Holiday Jokes 3Holiday Jokes 4Just do it Jokes
Just do it jokes A to EJust do it Jokes E to IJust Do It Jokes J to QJust Do It Jokes R to ZMen and Weman Jokes
Men and Weman Jokes 1Men and Weman 2Men and Weman Jokes 3Men and Weman Jokes 4Men And Weman Jokes 5Micellanious
63 Ways to tick of a CopMiscellaneous Jokes
Miscellaneous Jokes 1Music Jokes
Music Jokes 1Pick Up Lines
Pick Up Lines 1Pick Up Lines 2Pick Up Lines 3Pick Up Lines 4Pick Up LinesPick Up Lines 6Pick Up Lines 7Practical jokes
Practical Jokes 1Practical Jokes 2Practical Jokes 3Practical Jokes 4Practical Jokes 5Practical Jokes 6Red Neck Jokes
Red Neck Jokes 1Red Neck Jokes 2Red Neck Jokes 3Yo Mamma Jokes
Yo Mamma is so FatMicellanious Yo Mamma Jokes 1Micellanious Yo Mamma Jokes 2Yo Mamma Jokes 2|
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| -= pick-up line humor =-= 505 =------------------------------------------------ Can I light your fire, I mean cigarette? -= pick-up line humor =-= 506 =------------------------------------------------ Yo. You'll do. -= pick-up line humor =-= 507 =------------------------------------------------ She: Where are you from? He: Mars, for all practical purposes. I gather you must come from Venus. She: [disgustedly] No, I'm from Uranus. He: Hmmm. Now that you're barking, I know that you come from Pluto. -= pick-up line humor =-= 508 =------------------------------------------------ Gay guy: You got a nice mouth Straight guy: Guess what the teeth are for... -= pick-up line humor =-= 509 =------------------------------------------------ Are you as good as they say you are? -= pick-up line humor =-= 510 =------------------------------------------------ Go ahead, make a pass at me. I dare ya! -= pick-up line humor =-= 511 =------------------------------------------------ Baby, I got a backstage pass to your ass! -= pick-up line humor =-= 512 =------------------------------------------------ Heard on the dance floor: Do fries come with that shake of yours? -= pick-up line humor =-= 513 =------------------------------------------------ You must be jam because jelly don't move like that! -= pick-up line humor =-= 514 =------------------------------------------------ Take a chance on me. -= pick-up line humor =-= 515 =------------------------------------------------ This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single. -= pick-up line humor =-= 516 =------------------------------------------------ You don't have to play the lottery to get lucky. -= pick-up line humor =-= 517 =------------------------------------------------ He (going up to a girl in a bar): Hey, baby, wanna get lucky? She: You guys are all alike; you've got your brains in your dick! He: Then how would you like to really blow my mind? -= pick-up line humor =-= 518 =------------------------------------------------ A friend of ours used this one night after work (around 10pm), when he walked into a local Mexican restaurant which was empty. It did not get him a date though... I have made it somewhat generic so to fit in the list: If you happen to walk into an empty restaurant, with a waitress that obviously doesn't want to be working, Ask: Are you open? Waitress: Yes. Ask: I can walk out if you promise me a date. -= pick-up line humor =-= 519 =------------------------------------------------ Hey, darling, can I use your g-string to floss with? -= pick-up line humor =-= 520 =------------------------------------------------ I wanna floss with your pubic hair. -= pick-up line humor =-= 521 =------------------------------------------------ How would you like to get something off your chest tonight? -= pick-up line humor =-= 522 =------------------------------------------------ Sid the Sexist was once heard to say, Let me tear down the gates of your love palace with my purple battering ram. -= pick-up line humor =-= 523 =------------------------------------------------ Live around here often? -= pick-up line humor =-= 524 =------------------------------------------------ Wanna lock crotches and swap gravy? -= pick-up line humor =-= 525 =------------------------------------------------ Have you ever seen a giant sequoia? -= pick-up line humor =-= 526 =------------------------------------------------ I've never done this before but I feel like we were meant for each other. -= pick-up line humor =-= 527 =------------------------------------------------ Your aura tells me you're a sensual person. -= pick-up line humor =-= 528 =------------------------------------------------ Do you hula? -= pick-up line humor =-= 529 =------------------------------------------------ I'll bet you ten bucks I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds. -= pick-up line humor =-= 530 =------------------------------------------------ Since we shouldn't waste this day and age, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire? -= pick-up line humor =-= 531 =------------------------------------------------ I'm fit to be tied and good enough to eat off of...and caressed..and kissed... -= pick-up line humor =-= 532 =------------------------------------------------ Anything drugs can do, I can do with my tongue! -= pick-up line humor =-= 533 =------------------------------------------------ Either way, I'm going to have you tonight, so you might as well be there. -= pick-up line humor =-= 534 =------------------------------------------------ Excuse me, do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk past you again? -= pick-up line humor =-= 535 =------------------------------------------------ Hello Susie, your mummy couldn't make it this afternoon. She asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, that's a pretty dress. I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice back rub. Are the straps too tight darling? How very, very tragic. -= pick-up line humor =-= 536 =------------------------------------------------ I'm single! -= pick-up line humor =-= 537 =------------------------------------------------ Hi, I'm a flight steward. -= pick-up line humor =-= 538 =------------------------------------------------ I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent. -= pick-up line humor =-= 539 =------------------------------------------------ I'm sure you didn't mean to turn me on with your big tits, but it's too late now! -= pick-up line humor =-= 540 =------------------------------------------------ I think I'm falling in love with you. Now do you want to fuck? -= pick-up line humor =-= 541 =------------------------------------------------ I haven't seen you in a while, you sure look different without my dick in your mouth. -= pick-up line humor =-= 542 =------------------------------------------------ I'm going to be honest with you. I'm rich, I'm sensitive, I love new adventures, and I'm hung like a horse. -= pick-up line humor =-= 543 =------------------------------------------------ I'm very rich, ya know. Let's get to it! Do you believe in sex before marriage? -= pick-up line humor =-= 544 =------------------------------------------------ I hope you don't mind my asking, but do you mind if I touched your @#^&%!? -= pick-up line humor =-= 545 =------------------------------------------------ Blacks are born with rhythm. -= pick-up line humor =-= 546 =------------------------------------------------ I suck better than Electrolux. -= pick-up line humor =-= 547 =------------------------------------------------ You know what I like about you? My arms. -= pick-up line humor =-= 548 =------------------------------------------------ If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you. -= pick-up line humor =-= 549 =------------------------------------------------ I know this is going to sound like a line, but did that sound like a line? Are you disappointed? -= pick-up line humor =-= 550 =------------------------------------------------ Are you religious? Yes. Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers. -= pick-up line humor =-= 551 =------------------------------------------------ Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend. -= pick-up line humor =-= 552 =------------------------------------------------ Come on baby, light my fire. -= pick-up line humor =-= 553 =------------------------------------------------ Hey honey, aren't you feeling well? I've got just what you need... A hot salami injection! (This one came complete with vulgar gestures, and yes, got slapped.) -= pick-up line humor =-= 554 =------------------------------------------------ Do you have a boyfriend? Well, when you want a manfriend, come and talk to me! -= pick-up line humor =-= 555 =------------------------------------------------ You look like you need a *real* man! -= pick-up line humor =-= 556 =------------------------------------------------ When you need a hug or just someone to talk to, I'll always be there for you. -= pick-up line humor =-= 557 =------------------------------------------------ You've got nice breasts, but are your nipples brown or pink? -= pick-up line humor =-= 558 =------------------------------------------------ I need your help. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body? -= pick-up line humor =-= 559 =------------------------------------------------ Here's what you've been looking for all your life! -= pick-up line humor =-= 560 =------------------------------------------------ I've been waiting all my life for someone like you. -= pick-up line humor =-= 561 =------------------------------------------------ They say size doesn't matter... After tonight, it will. -= pick-up line humor =-= 562 =------------------------------------------------ Hey, I like your shirt. It's very becoming on you. Of course, if I was on you, I'd be coming, too. -= pick-up line humor =-= 563 =------------------------------------------------ I'd gladly give you the shirt off my back, if you'd take the rest of me with it. -= pick-up line humor =-= 564 =------------------------------------------------ Let's play army. I'll go lay down and you can blow the hell out of me. -= pick-up line humor =-= 565 =------------------------------------------------ Can you come out and play tonight? -= pick-up line humor =-= 566 =------------------------------------------------ If your parents hadn't met, I'd be a very unhappy man right now. -= pick-up line humor =-= 567 =------------------------------------------------ I feel like Richard Gere, standing here next to you, the Pretty Woman. -= pick-up line humor =-= 568 =------------------------------------------------ Sorry, I thought you were someone else. By the way, here's my card. -= pick-up line humor =-= 569 =------------------------------------------------ How did you acheive such a gaudy effect with only Avon cosmetics? -= pick-up line humor =-= 570 =------------------------------------------------ I'm just a caraway/poppy/sesame seed in the bakery of life. -= pick-up line humor =-= 571 =------------------------------------------------ You're ugly, but you interest me. -= pick-up line humor =-= 572 =------------------------------------------------ Do you believe in one night stands? -= pick-up line humor =-= 573 =------------------------------------------------ With one touch I can make you make noise only dogs can hear! -= pick-up line humor =-= 574 =------------------------------------------------ Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here! Get them while they're hot! -= pick-up line humor =-= 575 =------------------------------------------------ If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question? -= pick-up line humor =-= 576 =------------------------------------------------ Hi, I'm conducting a feel test of how many women have pierced nipples. -= pick-up line humor =-= 577 =------------------------------------------------ I thought women like you traveled in packs. -= pick-up line humor =-= 578 =------------------------------------------------ I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. -= pick-up line humor =-= 579 =------------------------------------------------ I like women's milk, especially the package. -= pick-up line humor =-= 580 =------------------------------------------------ So, when do you think we'll go metric? (Let a reply come.) When do you think we'll get horizontal? -= pick-up line humor =-= 581 =------------------------------------------------ On-line Pickup Lines Do you communicate interactively here often? Hard DISK??! Gee, lady, I'm sorry, I guess I misunderstood you. I can catch your eel with my inter-net. I can put a big grin on your inter-face. I don't have any 3.5-inch floppies, I only have hard drives...very hard ones. I like your hardware, you'll like my software. (female to male) I like your software, you'll like my hardware. (male to female) Could you be my hard disk drive? Yo baby, I want your 69 meg. You have the program to make my software into hardware? You turn my system on. -= pick-up line humor =-= 582 =------------------------------------------------ Overheard in our computer lab: Just because your computers are incompatible, doesn't mean we are. -= pick-up line humor =-= 583 =------------------------------------------------ Your laptop or mine? -= pick-up line humor =-= 584 =------------------------------------------------ Pickup Lines For Mathematicians Hey baby, How would you like to join me in some math? We'll add you and me, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply! -= pick-up line humor =-= 585 =------------------------------------------------ Hey baby! You look better than a new set of snow tires!! -= pick-up line humor =-= 586 =------------------------------------------------ You look like the sun settin' on a waterfall in the spring time...and I want to be your horizon. -= pick-up line humor =-= 587 =------------------------------------------------ Where are you from? That's okay, sex could cure you. -= pick-up line humor =-= 588 =------------------------------------------------ Do you have any figs? No. Then, how about a date? -= pick-up line humor =-= 589 =------------------------------------------------ How about a hot date? -= pick-up line humor =-= 590 =------------------------------------------------ It's a jungle out there, so let me be your guide. -= pick-up line humor =-= 591 =------------------------------------------------ How 'bout I slip into something a little more comfortable...like you, for example. -= pick-up line humor =-= 592 =------------------------------------------------ He: What do you say to a little oral sex? She: That depends. Your face or mine? -= pick-up line humor =-= 593 =------------------------------------------------ Let's make like a couple of ghosts and wear out some sheets. -= pick-up line humor =-= 594 =------------------------------------------------ Your opportunity for total fulfillment has arrived. -= pick-up line humor =-= 595 =------------------------------------------------ If you know s/he is a virgin: Let's play Star Trek, so I can boldly go where no one has gone before. or Let's play Star Trek, so I can boldly cum where no one has cum before. -= pick-up line humor =-= 596 =------------------------------------------------ I'd love to be the reason you don't get any sleep tonight. -= pick-up line humor =-= 597 =------------------------------------------------ I'm not wearing a Wonderbra. -= pick-up line humor =-= 598 =------------------------------------------------ How much do you make? -= pick-up line humor =-= 599 =------------------------------------------------ Have you read the "Consenting Adults" personals this week? -= pick-up line humor =-= 600 =------------------------------------------------ Had any good, hard prose lately? -= pick-up line humor =-= 601 =------------------------------------------------ Wierd Pick-up Lines I had a brochure in my pocket, but I lost it. I have this perfect log that, if put in your fire place, will burn. I killed a gopher with a stick once. I'm sorry, but could you help me find my keys? My longest nose hair was three inches wide. The closest I ever came to surfing was a boogie board. You look like three frogs jumping on an old, dead woman. Naked. -= pick-up line humor =-= 602 =------------------------------------------------ How about you make like an electrical outlet and let me plug in. -= pick-up line humor =-= 603 =------------------------------------------------ How about we swap saliva for a while? -= pick-up line humor =-= 604 =------------------------------------------------ Could I interest you in a game of tonsil hockey. -= pick-up line humor =-= 605 =------------------------------------------------ Man actually said this one night in a club: Either we dance or go to bed. -= pick-up line humor =-= 606 =------------------------------------------------ From Late Show with David Letterman; Thursday, February 2, 1995 Top Ten Hot Dog Vendor Pick Up Lines [Presented by New York City hot dog vendors] 10. "I'm a hot dog vendor by day, a love machine by night." 9. "If you're not a health inspector, I'd like to get to know you better." 8. "I'm a close personal friend of Oscar Mayer." 7. "You smell like sauerkraut." 6. "When I think about you, I touch my hot dogs." 5. "May I put your change in your pocket for you?" 4. "Are you beautiful, or am I loopy on bus fumes?" 3. "Please, I beg you, I'm a very lonely man." 2. "I'll make you queen of the wieners." 1. "Kiss me and the dog is free." [Music: "Pick up the Pieces" by the Average White Band] -= pick-up line humor =-= 607 =------------------------------------------------ ]NEW[ From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, March 10, 1995 Top Ten Judge Ito Pickup Lines 10. "I'm gonna slap you with a love subpoena." 9. "Mind if I pull a Kato Kaelin and stay at your house?" 8. "I find you guilty, of being a babe!" 7. "Care for a guided tour of my robe?" 6. "I have something that I hope you'll find admissable." 5. "May I check your coat?" [Earlier in the broadcast, Dave had checked the coat of a female audience member] 4. "How would you like to see my Exhibit A?" 3. "Ever since Rosa Lopez left, I've been awfully lonely." 2. "Would you mind checking my beard for ticks?" 1. "I'm Ito and you're neato!" [Music: "Pick Up The Pieces" by the Average White Band] =============================================================== ================= == PICK-UP REBUTTAL HUMOR ====================================================== -= pick-up rebuttal humor =-= 1 =-------------------------------------------- A man walks up and says, "Haven't we met before?" Say, "Yes, I'm [your name], the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic." -= pick-up rebuttal humor =-= 2 =-------------------------------------------- In the department "nice turn downs" there's this one: I'll have to think about that, thinking makes me tired, when I'm tired I want to sleep, not make love, so let's not, okay? -= pick-up rebuttal humor =-= 3 =-------------------------------------------- He: So, wanna go back to my place? She: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -= pick-up rebuttal humor =-= 4 =-------------------------------------------- He: I'd really like to get into your pants. She: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there. -= pick-up rebuttal humor =-= 5 =-------------------------------------------- The most memorable rebuttal to a turn down (used by the guy who used to live across the hall from me in residence) when he asked a girl to dance and she refused was: Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you. (In reply to No, thank you). -= pick-up rebuttal humor =-= 6 =-------------------------------------------- He: I'd like to call you. What's your number? She: It's in the phone book. He: But I don't know your name. She: That's in the phone book too. -= pick-up rebuttal humor =-= 7 =-------------------------------------------- There's always Harlan Ellison's great failure: Q: Wha'dya say to a little fuck? A: Go away, little fuck. -= pick-up rebuttal humor =-= 8 =-------------------------------------------- He: So what do you do for a living? She: Female impersonator. |
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