Jokes - http://maxpages.com/state/Pick_Up_Lines

-= pick-up line humor =-= 97 =------------------------------------------------

You have the ass of a great artist.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 98 =------------------------------------------------

A friend of mine who walked up to a young lady in a club and simply asked, "Are
you ready to go home now?" She smiled a bit, stood up, and they left together.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 99 =------------------------------------------------

Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you
up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 100 =------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home
together?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 101 =------------------------------------------------

Wait until it gets near last call in a bar. Find the drunkest looking woman in
the place, walk up to her, and say, "Okay, let's go home..."

-= pick-up line humor =-= 102 =------------------------------------------------

Help the homeless. Take me home with you.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 103 =------------------------------------------------

Do you need a ride home?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 104 =------------------------------------------------

If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold *it* against me?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 105 =------------------------------------------------

When asked for a match:
How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
or
My penis, your vagina.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 106 =------------------------------------------------

Is this love on a two-way street...or is it a dead end?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 107 =------------------------------------------------

I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 108 =------------------------------------------------

Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 109 =------------------------------------------------

Interested in a hot and steaming dish of conversation?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 110 =------------------------------------------------

Do you know the difference between conversation and sex?
No.
Wanna go upstairs and talk?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 111 =------------------------------------------------

What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 112 =------------------------------------------------

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 113 =------------------------------------------------

You are the only reason why I came in here alone.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 114 =------------------------------------------------

Let's go lie down and talk about it.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 115 =------------------------------------------------

Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 116 =------------------------------------------------

If you're not doing anything with those supple lips of yours, how would you like
to talk to me?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 117 =------------------------------------------------

Do you know the difference between hamburgers and head jobs?
No.
Let's do lunch then!

-= pick-up line humor =-= 118 =------------------------------------------------

So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just
conversation?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 119 =------------------------------------------------

I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 120 =------------------------------------------------

I'd look good on you.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 121 =------------------------------------------------

I would kill or die to make love to you.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 122 =------------------------------------------------

I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 123 =------------------------------------------------

Sex is a killer...want to die happy?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 124 =------------------------------------------------

Hi! Can I buy you a car?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 125 =------------------------------------------------

NOW, BITCH!

-= pick-up line humor =-= 126 =------------------------------------------------

Oh, I'm doing fine! And you?
(While looking at someone and waiting for them to say anything)

-= pick-up line humor =-= 127 =------------------------------------------------

Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 128 =------------------------------------------------

Hi, I just moved to this city and was wondering if you could recommend a good
restaurant here. Would you also like to join me?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 129 =------------------------------------------------

My drink is getting lonely, so would you like to join me with one?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 130 =------------------------------------------------

Can I taste your drink/dish? (Then lean over and kiss him or her.)

-= pick-up line humor =-= 131 =------------------------------------------------

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 132 =------------------------------------------------

I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 133 =------------------------------------------------

I am not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 134 =------------------------------------------------

Would you like someone to mix with your drink?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 135 =------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, why is your drink glowing?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 136 =------------------------------------------------

I'd love to buy you a drink, but I'd be jealous of the glass.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 137 =------------------------------------------------

If I drink one of these, I may forget how to get back to the monastery.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 138 =------------------------------------------------

Feel free to buy me a drink anytime.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 139 =------------------------------------------------

Fancy a fuck?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 140 =------------------------------------------------

My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 141 =------------------------------------------------

Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 142 =------------------------------------------------

It's always good for you to see me again.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 143 =------------------------------------------------

The best pickup line I have ever heard and I have to admit it got my attention
was when I was out dancing one night and a guy came up to me and said:

Hey! I like your shoes! Do you like mine??

It worked and we are still friends today.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 144 =------------------------------------------------

He: Have you ever had one of those fantasies where Greek gods feed you these
little pickles?
She: No.
He: Well, I'll have to show you what one is like, but it will be only one Greek
god (point to yourself, then look down at your crotch) and I won't be
feeding you little pickles.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 145 =------------------------------------------------

Well, the worst pickup line I have ever heard (it was said to me) was:

I hate you...are you here with your friends?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 146 =------------------------------------------------

On the same note, one of my favorites (that I've never had the guts to try) is
to walk up to a girl, put your hands on her shoulders, and say, "I'd like to
get something straight between us." and then look at your (you know)......

-= pick-up line humor =-= 147 =------------------------------------------------

Wanna Dance?
No!
Wanna Drink?
No!
Wanna Fuck?
Yes (pause) but not with you

-= pick-up line humor =-= 148 =------------------------------------------------

So, do you wanna see something really swell?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 149 =------------------------------------------------

That girl/guy I'm with, oh, she's/he's just my sister/brother.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 150 =------------------------------------------------

One of the worst pickup lines ever (most probably will get you slapped):
I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 151 =------------------------------------------------

Another line that doesn't work:

Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 152 =------------------------------------------------

For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 153 =------------------------------------------------

Do you take it up the bum? (This also does not work and can be painful)

-= pick-up line humor =-= 154 =------------------------------------------------

Is that a double-ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 155 =------------------------------------------------

Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 156 =------------------------------------------------

Are we in the frozen food section, or are you just happy to see me?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 157 =------------------------------------------------

No, that's not a banana.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 158 =------------------------------------------------

If I gave you a negligee for your birthday, would there be anything in it for
me?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 159 =------------------------------------------------

He: Have you got a little Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc in you?
She: Uh...no....
He: Well, do you want some?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 160 =------------------------------------------------

What would you do if I kissed you right now?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 161 =------------------------------------------------

Can I please be your slave tonight?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 162 =------------------------------------------------

You should be someone's wife.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 163 =------------------------------------------------

I have a single.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 164 =------------------------------------------------

Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 165 =------------------------------------------------

Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if
you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 166 =------------------------------------------------

Hi, do you know why you should masturbate with *these* two fingers?
(holding up any two)
Obvious reply: No, why?
Because they're mine.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 167 =------------------------------------------------

I had a friend give a card that had on the front:

1 2 3 4
Pick a number

and then on the back of the card it read:

Sex maniacs always pick 3

you wouldn't believe how many women pick 3. It was a great card.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 168 =------------------------------------------------

Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 169 =------------------------------------------------

Are you incredibly beautiful, or is it just my chemotherapy?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 170 =------------------------------------------------

You look more beautiful than Nurse Chapel.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 171 =------------------------------------------------

If beauty were a crime, you'd be doin' life.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 172 =------------------------------------------------

If beauty were music, you'd be a symphony.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 173 =------------------------------------------------

You must be lost, because I have never seen anyone so beautiful/gorgeous in
this place before.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 174 =------------------------------------------------

You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 175 =------------------------------------------------

Is it really bright in here, or am I being blinded by your radiant beauty?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 176 =------------------------------------------------

I never pass up an opportunity to say hello to a beautiful woman.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 177 =------------------------------------------------

You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through
broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 178 =------------------------------------------------

You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through
broken beer bottles just to sniff the tire tracks of the laundry truck that
takes your panties to the cleaners.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 179 =------------------------------------------------

I'd drag my balls through a mile of broken glass, followed by a mile of hot
coals, just to chase a laundry truck that MIGHT have your dirty underwear on
board.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 180 =------------------------------------------------

I'd drag my balls through a mile of barbed wire just to hear you fart over a
field telephone. (from the Vietnam era)

-= pick-up line humor =-= 181 =------------------------------------------------

I'd drag my balls through a mile of broken beer bottles and thumbtacks just to
to suck the cock that screwed you last.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 182 =------------------------------------------------

You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 183 =------------------------------------------------

Your voice is music to my ears.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 184 =------------------------------------------------

I saw you play in the band, I'm quite adept with a G string myself!
or
I play in a local band. I can play the G string very well!

-= pick-up line humor =-= 185 =------------------------------------------------

What can I do to make you sleep with me?
or (for a lighter touch)
What can I do to make you mine?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 186 =------------------------------------------------

Want to come into the garden see my big juicy tomatoes? (female version)
or
Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers? (male version)

-= pick-up line humor =-= 187 =------------------------------------------------

Pardon me miss, but I couldn't help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

-= pick-up line humor =-= 188 =------------------------------------------------

Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 189 =------------------------------------------------

Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

-= pick-up line humor =-= 190 =------------------------------------------------

From: MAD Magazine: Classic Flops Spring 1986.

9 Very Unsuccessful Pick-up Lines:

1. Would you like to see my boa constrictor?
2. Is that a false nose?
3. You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
4. I'm drunk.
5. Hi, my friends call me Creepy.
6. Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
7. I just threw up.
8. You're ugly but you intrigue me.
9. I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.

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Page Updated Wed Jun 9, 1999 11:09am EDT