Jokes - http://maxpages.com/state/Pick_Up_Lines

== PICK-UP LINE HUMOR
==========================================================
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I recently came across an interesting statistic:

Men who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi": 71%
Women who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi": 100%

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He: I'm a really good cook!
She: What do you cook best?
He: Breakfast in bed! (grins)

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What do you like for breakfast?

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Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?

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Would you like to have morning coffee with me?

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Should I wake you in the morning?

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You've got the smile I'd like to wake up to.

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There are just two things I'd like to say to you, "good night" and "good
morning".

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Let me be your coffee in the morning, your candy at noon, and your cool creamy
dessert in the evening.

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Would you like to watch the sunrise together?

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If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
or
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put you between f and ck.

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I saw your picture in the dictionary today...next to the word 'beautiful'.

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I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name was
included.

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What's your sign?

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The best part of me is covered up.
(If wearing swim trunks, a bikini, or a skimpy outfit)

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Is your daddy a thief?
No.
Then who stole those diamonds and put them in your eyes?

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Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

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Did anyone ever tell you that you have the most pulchritudinous orbs?

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Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

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If you got those eyes from your mother, I know why your dad married her.

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You know, you're very easy on the eyes.
or (for the braver males)
You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.

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There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

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(At an engineering school luncheon)

He: Your eyes are emitting magnetic fields.
She: Oh, and how do magnetic fields feel?
He: Attractive...

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Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

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Are those fuck-me eyes, or fuck-you eyes?

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Ya know, that wine really brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.

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No wonder the sky is so gray today, all the blue is in your eyes.

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Where did you get your freckles from?
Where *else* do you have freckles?

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Your father must have been a bricklayer, because you sure are built with a
great foundation.

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Guy goes up to a girl, licks his finger, touches her on the shoulder, and then
touches himself (all this while she is watching him) and says:

How about you and I get out of these wet clothes?

It worked for him... :-)

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Do I know you from somewhere? Or is it just that you have your clothes on?

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Excuse me, but don't you recognize me with clothes on?

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Here's your chance to get to know me.

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Don't you know me from somewhere?

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You don't know me, but you'd really like to.

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While we're on the subject of pick-up lines, how about bad pickup lines?
The absolutely worst pickup line I've heard is:

I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?

Then again, I fell for it (she seemed like such a nice girl).

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Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible".

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Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.

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She: I really enjoyed myself tonight.
He: I enjoyed myself too. Maybe sometime we can let our bodies enjoy each other.

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That dress would look awfully nice on my bedroom floor.
or
That miniskirt would look great crumpled up at the end of my bed.
or
That's a cute outfit. It would be even cuter wrinkled on my bedroom floor.
or
I think that shirt would look great on the carpet beside my bed.

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That's a nice watch. It would look great on my nightstand.

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If you happen to meet a girl while she is shopping for a new outfit:

Do you know what would look absolutely terrific on you? Me.

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Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?

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Drop 'em.

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Excuse me. Do you wanna fuck or should I apologize?

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If we're not related, I'd like to be.

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Say, didn't we go to different schools together?

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Say, wasn't I blissfully married to you once?

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Excuse me, but weren't you Shirley MacLaine in a past life?

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Excuse me, but weren't we blissfully married in a past life?

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I think I was your blanket/lace pantie/vibrator in a previous life.

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Say, didn't we meet at Woodstock/college/the V.D. clinic?

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Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?

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Wasn't it you who pinched me in the third grade?

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Excuse me, didn't we spend a week in the Bahamas together?

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Wanna fuck like bunnies?

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Help, I'm lost. Which way is it to your house?
or
Hi, I'm new in town. Which way is it to your house?

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Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first
thing that pops up?

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Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.

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I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:

"Smile if you want to sleep with me."

then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...

Or he had cards that said:

"Here I am, madly in love with you, on the verge of killing myself for your love
and I don't even know your NAME__________ PHONE________"

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I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty
girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

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Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

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Were you just smiling at me from across the room, or do I have my contacts in
wrong?

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That's a nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you're wearing.

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Is that your smile or did you pay for it?

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At the office copy machine:
"Reproducing, eh? Can I help?"

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There's an aura about you that's hidden and I want to bring that aura out.

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Said to someone who is working at a job (waiter/waitress, salesperson, etc.):

What time do you get off and how?

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What time do we get off together?

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Said to someone who is working:

Those pants/jeans/skirt/dress seem to be working overtime. What time are they
getting off?

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She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
He: Do you have the energy?

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Woman: Excuse me, do you have the time?
Man: Do you have the place in mind?

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Your place or mine?

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Your place or the mens bathroom?

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Your face or mine?

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Do you want to come back to my place and pet my dog/cat?

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Hi, I work as a raw meat inspector. Let's go to your place for an inspection.

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So, howzabout the two of us going back to my place and you run your fingers
through the hair on my back?

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Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

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The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

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I'm leaving this place, want to cum?

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My friends are leaving, but I'd love it if you gave me a reason to stay.

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Let's go back to your place and make out all night like high school.

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Your place or your place?

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There's a fire back at my place. Would you like to go get warm?

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Why don't I go up to your place and see you sometime?

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I hear there is a Toga Party tonight. Hey baby, want to get into my sheet?

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What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?

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If we were alone together, what would you do to entertain us?

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Our chromosomes were meant to be together.

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Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?!?!!

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Say mother! Want another? (if she has children)

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Bond. James Bond.

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The spy agency has sent me here to save you. Take my hand and come with me.

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Gosh, you're pretty/handsome!!!

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Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.

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Page Updated Wed Jun 9, 1999 11:08am EDT