Buisness Jokes - Jokes - http://maxpages.com/state/Education

There were these three Aggie agricultural students driving along this old
farm road one day when they saw this farm, pulled in, and knocked on the
farmer's door. The farmer answered the door and the three students introduced
themselves and said, "We were just passing by and saw your field of buttercups
and was wondering if we could go and get us a bucket full of butter?"
The old farmer scratched his head and said, "You boys ain't gonna get no
butter from buttercups but your more than welcome to try."
About an hour later, the three came back, thanked the farmer, and drove off
with their bucket full of butter. The farmer once again scratched and shook his
head, mumbled under his breath about "them damn uni students" and went on about
his business.
About three months later, the same three students came up to the farm,
knocked on the door, and asked the farmer if he remembered them. He chuckled
and asked what he could do for them this time?
One of them said, "We were just driving by and happened to see you now have a
field of milkweed and we were wondering if we could go out and get us a bucket
of milk?"
Once again, the old farmer chuckled, shook his head, scratched it and
sarcastically said, "You boys go on out there and get your milk from my
milkweeds."
Once again, about an hour later, the three came back with their bucket
overflowing with fresh milk and drove off. This time, the farmer was really
confused, but just a little less skeptical.
It was about three or four months later when the three agricultural students
came back and again knocked on the farmer's door, this time saying that they
were driving by and saw the field full of pussywillows. Needless to say, the
farmer went with them this time on their excursion.

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Did you hear that they outlawed "the wave" at Kyle Field?
Two poor Aggies drowned at a game last year.

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Did you hear about the Aggie that drove his pickup into the lake?
His dog drowned while he tried to get the tailgate down.

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Did you hear about the skeleton they just found in an old building at College
Station?
It was the 1938 hide and seek champion.

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Did you hear about the Aggie who was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

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Why don't Aggies eat barbecue beans?
Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.

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Why don't Aggies use 911 in an emergency?
Because they can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.

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How can you tell an Aggie is on location at a drilling rig?
He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.

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How many Aggies does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
Three, one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

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How many Aggies does it take to eat an armadillo?
Two. One to do the eating, and two to watch for cars.

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Two Texas Longhorn students and an Aggie were driving through the Texas
countryside when their car broke down. Luckily, they were near a farmhouse. So
they knocked on the door and asked the gruff old farmer if they could stay the
night.
The farmer agreed, but only on one bizarre condition. He told them to go out
into his field, pick any fruit or vegetable they could find, then to return to
the farmhouse.
Some time later, the two Longhorns found themselves dead and in line at the
pearly gates. Saint Peter was there, listening to their tale. "Okay," said
Saint Peter, "You went out and found some fruits and vegetables. How did you
die?"
"Well," continued one of the Longhorns, "My friend here returned first with a
cherry. Then the farmer pointed his gun at him and commanded, 'Stick that
cherry up your ass, and if you laugh I'll shoot you!'"
"And?" prompted Saint Peter.
"He laughed, and the farmer shot him."
"Why did you laugh?" Peter asked the second Longhorn.
"It tickled," he said.
"Then it was my turn," continued the first Longhorn. "I had also brought a
cherry, and the farmer pointed his gun at me and told me the same thing. I
laughed and he shot me."
"And why did you laugh?" Saint Peter asked.
"I saw the Aggie coming up the walkway with a watermelon."

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Two ex-Aggies decide to have a reunion. One decides to visit the other one
living in a big town. The visiting Aggie gets lost and calls his friend,
"Hey buddy, I am coming over but I am lost and have no idea where I am."
His friend replies, "It's okay, just look at the street intersection, there
will be two signs, read them to me."
The lost one looks over and then says, "Okay, okay, I see them, one
says 'Walk', the other one says 'Do not walk'."
"Oh good, you are right down the street. I'll be over to pick you up."

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Two Aggie builders were working on a house.
One Aggie was on a ladder nailing. He'd reach into his nail pouch, pull out
a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to nail it
into the wood.
The other Aggie couldn't stand it any longer and yells up, "Why are you
throwing some of the nails away?"
The first Aggie explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's
pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can
use it!"
The second Aggie got real excited and called him all kinds of names,
explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're
for the other side of the house!!"

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An Aggie decides to raise chickens. So, he goes to the feed store and buys
some chicks. He takes the chicks home, and plants them with their heads
sticking up. He waters them, but they die.
He goes back to the feed store and tells the proprietor that he bought
defective chicks, and gets another set. This time he plants them with their
heads sticking down. He waters them, but they die.
He then sends a letter to his Alma Mater, describing the problem. They send
a letter back asking for a soil sample.

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Ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at A&M. The senior
who knew the recipe graduated.

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An Aggie happens across a professor who is staring intently into an aquarium.
The Aggie, says, "Professor, what _are_ you doing?"
The professor answers, "I'm attempting mental telepathy with this fish. You
see, if my mind is stronger than theirs, I can control their thoughts. Umm, why
don't you try it!"
The Aggie, certain of his ability to successfully control the fish, stares
into the tank for a few seconds. Then, all of the sudden, his eyes start
bugging and his mouth makes a little 'o' shape like he's pushing water through
his gills.

(Do this in front of a mirror for full effect!)

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Three college friends, one each from University of Texas, Baylor, and Texas
A&M, decided to pool their funds and go to the Olympics in Barcelona. The
airfare and hotel rates ate up most of their money so they didn't have enough to
get into the stadium to see the events. So they stood around the gate watching
all the other people get in and then noticed that some people didn't have to
pay. Whenever an athlete passed the guard with his (or her) equipment, the guard
would simply nod and let them through.
So the three visitors quickly trotted off to a nearby hardware store and came
back shortly to try to get in. The Baylor student walked up to the guard and
gestured at the long pole he carried.
"Pole vaulting," he said, and the guard waved him through.
The University of Texas student, having rigged up an ax to a length of chain,
approached the guard next and showed off his wares.
"Ax throwing," he said, and the guard shrugged and waved him through.
The Aggie came last with a roll of chain link on his shoulder.
"Fencing."

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The star wide receiver for the Texas A&M Aggies football team, Bubba, was
walking down the street one day when he came across a fire in a four-story
building. On the fourth floor, a woman was yelling out the window, "Save my
baby! Save my baby!"
The gathering crowd had no idea of what to do until Bubba got a great idea,
so he shouted, "Ma'am, just throw the baby down to me and I will catch it. I am
the star wide receiver for the Aggies."
At first, the woman was not convinced, but the approaching flames eventually
changed her mind. So, she closed her eyes after Bubba was ready and flung the
baby out of the window. It happened to be a bit of a windy day, so Bubba had
trouble judging the baby's trajectory. He had to run a bit left, then a bit
right, then left again. At the last moment, a gust of wind caused the baby to go
back to the right. Bubba stretched his arms out, jumped, and made a spectacular
diving catch to the roar of the crowd.
Bubba then jumped back up, held the baby in the air while yelling and doing a
celebratory dance. After that, Bubba went ahead and spiked the baby...

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The huge college football rivalry in Texas is the annual big game between the
Texas Longhorns and the Texas A&M Aggies. A few years back, the Longhorns would
win this game every year. The Aggie coaches called a meeting after a
particularly bad thrashing one year to figure out why they couldn't beat the
Longhorns. They decided to go straight to the source and send one of their
assistant coaches, Bubba, to Austin to find the answer.
Bubba decided to go straight to the top, walked right onto the Longhorn
practice field and went directly to the Longhorn head coach and asked, "Why do
y'all beat the Aggies every year?"
Darrell, the Texas coach replied, "Well, it's 'cause Aggies are stupid. Let
me demonstrate..." Darrell led Bubba to the brick building at the end of the
field, held his hand up against the wall, and said, "Hit my hand."
Bubba couldn't pass up this chance to do harm to the leader of the Longhorns,
so he cocked his fist way back and threw his hardest punch. At the last moment,
Darrell moved his hand out of the way and Bubba went back to College Station
with a broken hand. The Aggie head coach was eager to learn what Bubba had found
out in Austin and asked him the next day during practice.
Bubba explained, "Well, we are losing every year because Aggies are stupid.
Let me demonstrate..."
He looked around the field, but couldn't see a brick wall. So he held his
hand in front of his face and said, "Hit my hand."

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It was a busy day for the electric chair. Today, three men were up for the
juice. The first man was a political scientist from Baylor University. He was
strapped into the chair and asked if he had any final comments. He replied, "I
had a promising career in politics until...I was framed, I tell you, framed!"
His tirade was interrupted by the flick of the switch, but nothing happened. As
was the custom at this particular prison, the Baylor man was taken from the
chair and allowed to live after the failed execution attempt.
The second man was a computer scientist from the University of Texas. His
final words were, "I had a promising career in computing, but I didn't think
that tampering with the national air traffic control system would crash THAT
many planes..." Again, the electrical switch was flipped and again nothing
happened. The man was released from the chair and allowed to live.
The third man was an electrical engineer, named Bubba, from Texas A&M
University. Bubba was strapped into the chair and asked if he had any final
words. He says, "I had a promising career as an electrical engineer, but, you
know, if y'all cross that red wire over there with that blue wire, this thing
will work."

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It seems a group of four Aggies (students from Texas A&M for those unfamiliar with the traditions between Texas and Texas A&M) were arrested just outside of Austin by Travis County Sheriff's officers early one morning (Nov 4). They were spotted removing highway signs from their signposts and taking them. Their explanation was that they were going to use the signs as fuel in the traditional Aggie Bon Fire which is held the week before the Texas-Texas A&M football game which is on Nov 26. All the signs in the back of theirtruck had the word"Austin" in them (they were mileage markers reading "Austin44", "Austin 24","Austin 16", etc.) and formed a trail leading back to College Station.The signs were all made of metal.

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A reporter for the Dallas Morning News decided to write a series on Aggies. In order to get more information, he went to College Station to do his research. On the first day, he decided to drive his car in. He went into the library, got in a good day's work, and walked back to the parking lot. A group of Aggies were gathered around his car. They were saying, "Is it an airplane? No, I don't think so. Is it a bicycle? No, I don't think so. Is it a boat? No, I don't think so." Finally, the smart Aggie in the back piped up, "I know what that is, it's a car!" The rest of the Aggies were impressed, applauded him, and the crowd dispersed. The next day, the reporter decided to ride a motorcycle to campus. When he finished working, the group of Aggies were gathered around his hog: "Is it an airplane? No, I don't think so. Is it a bicycle? No, I don't think so. Is it a boat? No, I don't think so." Finally, the smart Aggie in the back again piped up, "I know what that is, it's a car!" The rest of the Aggies were impressed, applauded him, and the crowd dispersed. The next day, the reporter decided to really throw the Aggies for a loop and rode in his...oh, what are those one-wheeled things...ummmm... [this is when the person you are telling this joke to replies "unicycle" at which point you applaud him or her.]

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Page Updated Fri Jun 11, 1999 11:07am EDT