Jokes - http://maxpages.com/state/Barney_Jokes

138. Sign him up as the new drummer for" Spinal Tap".

139. Give him a stack of "Save the Whales" GreenPeace fliers and
send him to Rush Limbaugh's house.

140. Peg 60-pound dumbbells at him until he dies.

141. Lock him in a tiny elementary school locker, plug up the
bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats
(preferably creatures like spiders and centipedes). If you get
tired of this get a gun and shoot Barney through the locker door.

142. Make him drink fabric softener until he softens to death.

143. Put him in an old car that's being put in the crusher.

144. Introduce him to a pit bull.

145. Stuff him down the garbage disposal.

146. Mummify him.

147. Give him drowning lessons.

148. Nitroglycerin suppository

149. Paper cuts from hate mail

150. Wine press

151. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g.
1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)

152. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter

153. Exploding gas barbecue

154. Rusty meat hook

155. Pulp digester / Saw mill

155. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu

156. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).

157. Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!".

158. Exploding school bus

159. Field trip to your local zoo. Barney loves to spread love
and happiness to all of the carnivores.

160. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide

161. Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet

162. Asphyxiation on a twinkie

163. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck (with static
line?)

164. 1000 RPM merry-go-round

165. Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road

166. Tail caught in elevator doors

167. Legalization of purple slavery

168. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid
(e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulphuric, or hydrochloric)

169. Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal.

170. Thrown in a vat of bleach. (White Barney could become a
symbol for white supremacy)

171. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine (a jet would be more fun.
'after burners?'

172. Submerged into a CANDU reactor

173. Swarmed by killer bees

174. Purple parasites

175. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel (or is he
the ring leader in disguise)

176. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)

177. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.

178. Assimilation by the Borg. (but they probably wouldn't want
him)

179. Acupuncture with a nail gun

180. Hit and run at a school crossing

181. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens

182. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.

183. Harpooned by a whaling ship

184. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank
while full.

185. Run over by a Zamboni

186. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.

187. Crushed between plates in a fault line.

188. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength
of Barney?

189. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.

190. NATO air strike.

191. Egyptian mummification ritual.

192. Visit to the taxidermist.

193. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.

194. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills.

195. Give him a lead role in a snuff film.

196. Tar and feathered by crazed parents.

197. Bludgeoned to purple paste.

198. Compressed to a singularity.

199. Bent, folded and mutilated by the post office. (would be
worse if you didn't write "fragile" on the label)

200. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the
sudden stop.

201. Heat pasteurization.

202. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.

203. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.

204. Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold
shirt.

205. Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglas
Adams).

206. Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.

207. Make him deliver the new Canadian budget to the angry
college students (including me)

208. Feed him fish & chips (& vinegar - Acetic Acid) and top it
with lots of salt.
(H2C3 H2O ) +NaCl -] Na2C3 H2O + HCl

209. Send him to Montreal wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey.

210. Just wait. Congress will probably cut his funding soon,
anyway...

211. Send him to a cannibal infested island.

212. Make him stick his head in a paper shredder, or a garbage
disposal, or a lawn mower... you get the Idea.

213. Use him as archery practice.

214. Use him as bayonet practice.

215. Tie him to the back of a semi. Drive over very hard
surfaces.

216. Tell him that lying in the road is fun.

217. send him so Spain for "The running of the bulls" (tie
weights to his feet)

218. Throw him in a shark pit.

219. Throw him in a alligator pit.

220. Put him in a blender and sell him as grape flavoured
children's cough syrup. (Of course that would be cruelty to
Children:)

221. Make him listen to Preston Manning (leader of Reform party
in Canada, he has a high pitched, squawking voice).

222. Send him to Africa wearing KKK clothes.

223. Send him to Cuba with a shirt saying "Fidel sucks."

224. Give Barney a gasoline shower and then make him smoke. (Burn
baby burn).

225. Make him take a bath and drop a radio, hair dryer,
microwave, and etc. in there with him.

226. Put him on a NYC subway without an weapon

227. Put him on a NYC bus without money(and watch what the
drivers do to him)

228. Send him Door to Door in NYC Asking for contributions to
keep Barney on TV.

229. Lock him and baby bop in a cave with The Power Rangers (They
Both suck so much they should stay like that for ever until they
are forced to eat each other)

230. Strap him to the back of a Ford Pinto, then rear-end it into
an iron maiden.

231. Nail him down to a sidewalk, then get a bicycle and ride
back and forth over him until he dies, relishing the sounds of
his bones crackling and breaking like newspapers, seeing seams
burst open in his sides and foam guts flying out them, hearing
his final agonized screech before you crush his head with a tire.

232. Shove his head in a floppy drive, then type "format a:".

233. Make him sit in the passenger seat of an experimental sports
car, speed the car up to an incredible velocity, then shove his
head out the window and watch his layers of polyester and nylon
skin float away.

234. Lock him in a tiny elementary school locker, putty up the
bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats
(preferable creatures like spiders and centipedes). When you are
satisfied with the number of bugs putty up the top slats, sit
back, and enjoy hearing his howls and shrieks of terror until you
tire and shoot him through the locker door.

235. Tell Newt Gingrich that Barney's on welfare and watch him go
nuts.

236. Make him bungee jump with a regular rope tied around his
neck.

237. Place Barney in a quarantine room and give him an injection
of the latest Level 4 viruses, including Ebola.

238. Paint him white and handcuff him to a streetlight in a
housing project full of gangbangers.

239. Tell Michael Jackson there is a little boy inside the
costume.

240. Perform dentistry on him with a Black & Decker electric
drill, using a really big drill bit.

241. Force feed him Hudson river water.

242. Lowering in the Purple One into a vat of acid, an inch an
hour.

243. Putting him in a wine press, and seeing what comes out.

244. Throwing the purple one into an oversized bread slicer, with
a fine mist of hydrofluoric acid sprayed upon him.

245. Bury him up to his neck on the beach at low tide.

246. Bury him up to his neck in your yard, and run over him with
the lawnmower!

247. Stuffing is flammable.

248. Ask him for help with your ABC's and when he skips along
toward you, grab him and pour turpentine down his throat.

249. Tell him blood repels sharks.

250. Tell Baby Bop's father he abuses her.

251. Tell the big fat kid he will "morph" if you squeeze him hard
enough.

252. Give him a yummy, delicious red apple, complete with razor.

253. Stick a chunk of plastic explosive to the back of his head,
and watch him run around trying in vain to grab it and pull it
off.

254. Electric chair pre-execution tester.

255. See how much current you can send through him before he gets
toasted.

256. Substitute the cameras on his show with anti-matter
accelerators.

257. Squeeze him into a large blender, then push "GRIND." More
satisfying than "LIQUEFY."

258. Drown him in a waste treatment plant.

259. Point Jason Voorhees at him, then get out of the way.

260. Make him drink the ink of 40,000 Marsh 88 markers.

261. Combine the dandruff, fingernail dirt, earwax, navel lint,
and armpit sweat of millions into a stew, then make him eat it.

262. Tell Michael Douglas that Barney swallowed the Hope Diamond.
(visions of Romancing the Stone).

263. Put him in the Columbian soccer team and tell him that he
must score in *those* goals.

264. Dress him up as a French nuclear physicist and put him on
board GreenPeace's Rainbow Warrior II.

265. Cast him as the stunt double for the T-Rex who breaks
through the high HIGH voltage fence in Jurassic Park (Who turned
it up so much?).

266. Tell barney theres kids around the corner,and when he comes
round hack into him with a meachete!!!

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