Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/starfire7s/WARNING

This is an actual recreation of a bulletin
posted about in the wilds of Alaska!

WARNING ALL OUTDOORSMEN!

In light of the rising frequency of
human/grizzly bear encounters, the
Alaska Department of Fish and Game had
a young secretary type up a
advisory for immediate issue:

ATTENTION!

TO ALL BIKERS, HUNGERS, AND FISHERMEN
WHILE IN THE FIELD:

It is strongly advised that outdoorsmen

wear noisy little bells on their clothing

clothing so as not to startle grizzly bears

that aren't expecting outdoorsmen to be

walking about in their havitat. It is also

strongly advised that outdoorsmen carry

non-lethal pepper spray with them in case

of an encounter with a grizzly. The

Department of Natural Resources for Alaska

staes it is a good idea to watch out for fresh

signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should be

able to recognize the difference between black

bear and grizzly bear poop.

Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots
of berries and many times...squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear poop is larger, has little bells
in it and smells like pepper.
***

"Bargain With The Dentist"

A man comes into the Dentist office. He says,

"Doc I need a tooth pulled. How much will it cost?"

The dentist replied, "65 dollars."

"Oh that's too much, can you do it cheeper?"

"Well, I can have one of the student dentist do it

for 40 dollars," said the dentist.

"No, that's still too much. Can you do it cheeper?"

asked the man.

"Well, I can do it without anesthetic for 25

dollars," said the dentist.

"No, that's still too much. Can you do it

cheeper?", asked man.

"OK. I can do it Saturday morning without

anesthetic for 10 dollars," said the dentist.

"That's more like it! I'll have my wife in

here first thing Saturday morning.
****

Revenge Is Sometimes Sweet.

After the store clerk rang up a purchase for

a lady, she asked, "Cash, check or charge?"

"Oh Charge it," said the lady.

As she fumbled through her purse trying to

find her credit card, the clerk noticed a

remote control for a TV set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?"

the clerk asked.

"No," the lady replied. "My husband refused

to come shopping with me. All he wants to do

is sit in front of the TV. So I figured the

most evil thing I could do to get even with

him and drive him crazy in the process, was

to bring the TV remote Control with me. That

way, the whole time I'm shopping I can think

how miserable he must be trying to find it."
****

"Ten Dollars Is Ten Dollars."

Stumpy Grinder and his wife, Martha, were

from Portland, Maine.Every year they went to

the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said,

" Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride

in that theah aihplane."

And every year Martha would say,

"I know Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs

costs ten dollahs and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."

Stumpy says " By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs

old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go."

Martha replies " Stumpy, that there airplane

ride is ten dollahs and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.

The pilot overhears them and says,

" Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take

take you both up for a ride. If you can stay

quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word,

I won't charge you, but just one word and

it's ten dollars."

They agree and up they go.... the pilot

does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls

and dives, but not a word is heard, he does it

one more time, still nothing... so he lands.

He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says,

" By golly, I did everything I could think of to

get you to holler out, but you didn't say one word."

Stumpy replies,

"Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell

out...but ten dollahs is ten dollahs."

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Page Updated Sun Feb 21, 1999 3:40am EST