Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/starfire7s/THE

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
was to arrive, Mr..Smith kissed his wife and said,

"I'm off. The man should be here soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning madam. You don't know me but
I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,
" Mrs.. Smith cut in.

"Really ?" the photographer asked. "Well, good !
I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?"
asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple
on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good
one every time. But if we try several different positions
and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly,"
gasped Mrs.. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know !!", Mrs.. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out
a portfolio of his babybpictures. "This was done on the
top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my god!!", Mrs.. Smith exclaimed, tugging at
her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when
you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
The photographer handed Mrs.. Smith the picture.

"She was difficult ?", asked Mrs.. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park
to get the job done right. People were crowding around
four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" , asked Mrs.. Smith, eyes
widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than
three hours too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my
shots. Finally, when the squirrels began
nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs.. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually
chewed on your, eh......equipment ?".

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up
my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??", Mrs.. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready
for action. Madam ? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's
fainted !!"

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Page Updated Sat Feb 6, 1999 12:38pm EST