Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/starfire7s/OMG_FOR_THE

I was due later in that week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning I received a call from his office. I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already. The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have
any spare time. As most women do, I'm sure, I like to
take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown,
wet the washcloth, and gave myself a wash in "that area"--while standing in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothesbasket, donned some clothes,
hopped in the car, and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he
called me in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you
all do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room, and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other place a million miles away from here.

I was a little surprised when he said, "My...we have
taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't we?",
but I didn't respond.

The appointment over, I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day went normal, some shopping, some cleaning, the evening meal, etc.

At 8:30 that evening, my 14 year-old daughter was fixing
to go to a school dance when she called down from the bathroom, "Mom! Where's my washcloth?"

I called back for her to get another one from the cabinet.

She called back, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it!"

(tee hee---this is a true story!)

A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to SCORE!
And to do that, you have to give the woman something.
So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have
some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy
over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!"

So, he showed up with flowers AND chocolates.

She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest
against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever
received.

After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.

"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away."

"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to get you some jewelry!"
****

NEVER PLEASED!

Though she tried to please her husband, the poor woman failed regularly. Most often it was at breakfast. If
she scrambled the eggs, he wanted poached. If she
poached them, he wanted them scrambled.

One morning she decided to poach one and scramble the
other and waited for his approval.

Glancing at his plate, her husband snorted, "You
scrambled the wrong egg."

Question's about Mommy

A little girl and her mother were out and about.
The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy,
how old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy how much do you weigh?"
The mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too,
as you grow up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother,
then fires off another question, "Mommy, why did you
and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very
much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is
dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults
with her girlfriend about her and her mother's
conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to
do is sneak and look at your mother's driver license.
It's just like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and
about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart,
how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And
I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?" The little girl says,
"I just know.

And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.
You got an 'F' in sex."

COMPUTER BLUES:

Crazy, silly, goofy,
now - I'm even loopy,
work all day, on-line all night,
my hairs a mess, skin pasty white.

I used to garden, used to cook,
hell, sometimes I would read a book,
not anymore - who's got the time?,
I must check mail, must go on-line!

I used to cross-stitch,
used to clean,
I used to sleep,
and sometimes dream.

I still crochet,
still laugh and cry,
still shop sometimes,
more yarn to buy!

My husband's amused,
my daughter's perplexed,
I used to bake cookies,
we used to have sex.

My husband, who loves me,
found a new form of persuasion,
next month we're taking
a two week vacation.

He's hoping to cure me
of my new found addiction,
and re-introduce me
to bedroom and kitchen.

So, I'll lie on the beach,
and I'll swim and we'll sail,
and when we get back,
I'll check all my e-mail.

I'll print out the patterns,
recipes and more,
and if I need yarn,
I'll just run to the store.

Keep the faith loopies,
our families still love us,
they just can't figure out,
how to download and print us!

Smile, Jesus loves you!

Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
Dance like nobody's watching,
Stay one step ahead of the storm,
When life gives you lemons....
Make lemonade and call a friend!

Starfire7s@aol.com

Smile......Jesus love you!

Starfire7s@aol.com

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Page Updated Thu Jun 3, 1999 7:45am EDT