Cool Quotes - Page 3 - Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/spudworld/Cool_Quotes

- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
- Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
- Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
- i souport publik edekashun.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
- Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
- Keep honking...I'm reloading.
- Caution: I drive like you do
- I have the heart of a child, the brain of a genius, and the hands of surgeon...and I keep them in a jar
under my bed
-On the other hand, the early worm gets eaten.
-Even if you're paranoid, maybe they really *are* after you.
-You are accustomed to ostracism from childhood because you are overweight, deformed, stupid, or have
an extremely short [deleted].
-All things being equal, you lose.
-Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the show?
-Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die.
-The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship bereau].
-Resistance is useless!
-Reality is an illusion created by alcoholic deficiency.
-Trust in God, but lock your car.
-Given a conflict, Murphy's law supersedes Newton's.
-If you aren't part of the solution, you're a precipitate.
-To err is human. And stupid.
-Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.
-Being politically correct means always having to say you're sorry.
-Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
-A friend in need is a pest indeed.
-A king's castle is his home.
-Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA.
-Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
-Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
-Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time.
-Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it.
-Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.
-If you can't dazzle them with dexterity, feed them a crock!
-Some drink at the fountain of knowledge...others just gargle.
-Some women get excited about nothing and then marry him.
-High explosives are applicable where truth and logic fail.
-You're never too old to learn something stupid.
-All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
-It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.
-A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right.
-In case of nuclear war, prayer in schools will be okay.
-Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.
-Murphy was an optimist.
-If hackers ran the world, there'd be no war--lots of accidents, maybe.
-Hard work never killed anybody...but why take chances?
-When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane.
-Enough research will tend to support your theory.
-Know thyself. If you need help, call the CIA.
-Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
-One good turn gets most of the blankets.
-A guy walked into a bar. He was treated for minor injories.
-The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train.
-An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
-Life is cheap. It's the accessories that kill you.
-Eternal nothingness is fine if you're dressed for it.
-So many checks, so little money.
-Get thee down. Be thou funky.
-Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser.
-Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in pain.
-As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841.
-If you can still hear the music, it's not loud enough!
-Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle. Not even for lunch.
-Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder.
-Moderation is good, but boring.
-Heisenburg probably rules.
-If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-What the hell, go and put all your eggs in one basket.
-Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
-To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
-Drag the Joneses down to your level. It's cheaper.
-If you think nobody cares, miss a couple of payments.
-Honour thy error as hidden intention.
-Worship the gods, listen to their advice, but don't lend them money.
-Don't judge a book by its movie.
-Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
-Chicken little only has to be right once.
-In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
-Practice makes perfeckt.
-If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
-Religions change, but beer and wine remain.
-Love thine enemies...it really pisses them off.
-Everyone loves a moose. Some just don't know it.
-A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy.
-If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
-Earn cash in your spare time--blackmail your friends.
-Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
-The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
-He's dead, Jim. You grab his wallet, I'll grab his tricorder.
-He who throws mud loses ground.
-Sex is nobody's business but the three people involved.
-A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and say your mother.
-Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schitzophrenic, and so am I.
-Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the Universe together.
-Heck was created for those who refuse to believe in Gosh.
-Money is the root of all wealth.
-If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool.
-A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
-There are few problems that can't be solved with high explosives.
-Start off every day with a smile and get it over with.
-Virtue is it's own punishment.
-There are two times I feel stress--day and night.
-Avoid reality at all costs.
-Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
-When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing.
-Don't use a big word where a diminutive word will suffice.
-A steak a day keeps the cows dead.
-All general statements are false.
-Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away.
-Every silver lining has a cloud.
-The real world is a special case.
-Langsam's Law: Everything depends.
-Most people deserve each other.
-The trouble with getting a life is making the payments.
-Never tell them what you wouldn't want to do.
-Silence is one great art of conversation.
-Nostalgia is okay but not what it used to be.
-All the world's a stage...most of us are just stagehands.
-Statistics show every two minutes another statistic is created.
-There is more room in your head for thoughts than thoughts in your head for room.
-A hell of a fat chance my orange bears had.
-Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a
Dog?
-The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
-Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
-Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
-The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
-Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must befound
and stopped.
-Monday is the root of all evil.
-Being superstitious brings bad luck.
-When you're run down the best thing to take is the licence number.
-"Beware of sheep in sheep's clothing.
-Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed, according to Webster's.
-Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
-Skydiving...good 'till the last drop.
-Where subtlety fails us we must simply make do with cream pies.
-Get the facts first, THEN panic!
-It's only fun if you can get in trouble
-Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.
-The reward for a job well done is more work.
-The pen is mightier than the sword, until it runs out of ink.
-Patience will come to he who waits for it.
-Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
-Money can't buy everything. That's what credit cards are for.
-Good generally conquers evil. Unless, of course, good is stupid.
-What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
-"When in doubt, give advice.
-All that glitters has a high refractive index.
-Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
-Fool-proof implies a finite number of fools.
-Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first.
-LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
-Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
-It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
-Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
-The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
-The Two Rules of Success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
-Anything that kills you makes you...well, dead.
-Join the army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
-Two wrongs don't make a right--three lefts do.
-A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame.
-People who live in glass houses...shouldn't.
-Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
-Never hit a man when he's down. He may get back up again.
-Behind every successful man stands a woman waiting for his job.
-The Earth is like a grain of sand, only bigger.
-If a problem has a single neck, it has a simple solution.
-Never draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
-Eagles fly; but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
-A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
-A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
-Take 20 aspirins and you'll feel better, if you wake up.
-Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
-A man's house is his hassle.
-Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep 'till noon.
-Golf scores are directly proportional to the number of witnesses.
-A little greed can get you lots of stuff.
-After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat.
-Atheists have no invisible means of support.
-Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.
-Relax. Only dread one day at a time.
-Beware the fury of a patient woman.
-The problem with reality is the lack of background music.
-Don't count your checks before they're cashed.
-Common sense isn't.
-Some authors should be paid by the quantity NOT written.
-Be alert...the world needs more lerts.
-Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune time.
-Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
-For every problem there is a simple solution, and it's always wrong.
-Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
-If you can't speak softly, just use the stick.
-Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.
-Those who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glass.
-Gravity always wins.
-We are the people our parents warned us about.
-Tourists are terrorists with cameras. Terrorists are tourists with guns.
-For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
-No one is listening until you make a mistake.
-If you can remember the '60s, then you weren't there.
-I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
-Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I
-You'll see it when you believe it.
-One good turn gets most of the blanket.
-So many books...So little time.
-And, lo, I say to you, it would be easier for a camel to pass thru the eye of a needle if it was well greased
first.
-Those that can, do. Those who can't, don't.
-Dogs believe they are humans. Cats believe they are God.
-Life is uncertain, eat dessert first.
-Not everything that can be counted counts; and not everything that counts can be counted.
-To err is human, to moo, bovine.
-Me? Tense? Stressed? I'm a frayed knot!
-When our outgo exceeds our income, our upkeep becomes our downfall.
-A Journey of 1,000 miles begins with a call to your auto club.
-My Karma ran over my Dogma.
-Excuse me, but my karma just ran over your dogma
-Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
-When all else fails manipulate the data.
-He who dies with the most toys, still dies.
-There are two ways to be rich --, make more or need less.
-Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
-Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine!
-Opportunities are often lost because they are not recognized.
-Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will
see a man who can't get his pants off!
-Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
-Being Politically Correct means Always Having to Say You're Sorry.
-I'm not having hot flashes, I'm having power surges!
-He who steals my quotes, steals trash. But he who steals my entire .sig will get flamed.
-Reality is for people who can't handle science fiction.
-Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
-Speak softly, and wear a loud shirt.
-If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does it stick to the pan?
-THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down.
-When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.
-Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
-I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
-Indecision is the key to flexibility.
-He who is not busy being born is busy dying.
-Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
-Time is what keeps everything from happening to us all at once.
-If at first you don't succeed, to heck with it.
-Do unto others, then run.
-Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it.
-Discretion is the better part of velour.
-Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions.
-Life is God's way of preserving meat.
-Did you know that Friday the 13th comes on a Tuesday this month?
-Trespassers will be violated.
-If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?
-Guilt -- the gift that keeps on giving!
-Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
-If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
-Life takes its toll. Bring change.
-Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

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Page Updated Thu Mar 30, 2000 9:59am EST