Cool Quotes - Page 2 - Miscellaneous - http://maxpages.com/spudworld/Cool_Quotes

-Spare no expense to save money.
-A bank is the thing that will always lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
-When you stay on the tracks, ignoring the facts, you can't blame the wreck on the train.
-What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way?
-Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
-If you're going to do something, do it right.
-If you're right 90 per cent of the time, why quibble about the remaining three percent?
-There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
-The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
-If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
-I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not
become still more complicated.
-There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
-The only way to have a friend is to be one.
-Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
-Fear is a state of mind, as such it can be conquered by a stronger state of mind.
-The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
-Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
-There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
-I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
-A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
-I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
-Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
-If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
-Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
-If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
-I'm not as think as you drunk i am.
-Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive any ways.
-If you don't die from it -- it is healthy.
-If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is Going on.
-It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
-There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
-An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
-No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.
-You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
-I am going to live forever or die trying.
-I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.
-I think therefore I am overqualified.
-Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
-I may not be right but, I am never wrong.
-Support mental health, or I'll kill you!!
-Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get us out??
-The Quicker you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
-I'm so poor, I cant even pay attention.
-The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
-I am having a out of money experience.
-I think therefore I am dangerous.
-Call me insane one more time and I will eat your other eye.
-A person who thinks they know it all is especially annoying to those of us that do.
-If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you.
-I brake for brick walls only.
- I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
-"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
-I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
-The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
-C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
-We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
-Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
-Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
-The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
-Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
-Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
-A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short.
-Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.
-Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity
thrust upon them.
-Absence makes the heart go wander.
-Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
-There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
-This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
-The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.
-Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
-At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.
-Try to learn from others mistakes, since you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
-People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
-Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
-Speed is substitute for accuracy.
-The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well
be another profound truth.
-Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really".
-The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
-There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse.
-Always behave like a duck - keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath.
-Time is really the only capital that any human being has, and the one thing that he can't afford to lose.
-A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
-My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
-I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
-Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
-Where ever you go there you are.
-If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
-Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
-What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
-The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
-The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
-If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
-Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.
-A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures.
-You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.
-Nothing is impossible, only improbable.
-We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
-"I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it."
-While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
-Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
-It will be generally found that those who sneer habitually at human nature and affect to despise it, are
among its worst and least pleasant examples. - Charles Dickens
-Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
-Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
-This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really
think we'd stick around to tell you?
-While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is admission to someone else.
-One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
-A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
-The game is nothing, the playing of it is everything.
-Those who can't write, write manuals.
-Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
-Money is the root of all wealth.
-The world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming it.
-The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.
-Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
-Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
-The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon.
-Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
-It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
-Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
-Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
-A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures.
-The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
-Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.
-Hindsight is an exact science.
-How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None: "We'll document it in the
manual."
-Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
-Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake.
-An autobiography usually reveals nothing bad about it's writer except his memory.
-It is harder to conceal ignorance than to acquire knowledge.
-Everybody sees what you appear to be. Some realize what you are, few realize who you are.
-The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct.
-One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
-For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
-One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
-"I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours."
-One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears - by listening to them.
-Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
-Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
-This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
-Life is too important to take seriously.
-Choose your battles wisely.
-Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
-It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but
cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
-Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
-People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single
mosquito.
-There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
-To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
-Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
-It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
-Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
-Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
-Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
-Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
-Eat a beaver, save a tree.
-It's called "golf" because all the other four letter words were taken.
-Eat lamb, 20,000 wolfs can't be wrong.
-After all is said and done, more is said than done.
-When God created man, SHE was just foolin' around!
-When you come to the end of jour rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.
-I are a college student
-Have you hugged your computer today?
-Make a mistake today? Don't feel badly... Remember that Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times.
-Ayuh, been to Maine.
-If at first you don't succeed.... the hell with it.
-Anudder brilyunt mind diztroyed by da publik educashun sistum.
-It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
-A philosopher always knows what to do until it happens to him.
-I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
-Lack of money is the root of all evil.
-I know it all -- I just can't remember it all at once.
-Life is what happens to you while your making other plans.
-Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
-Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
-A flying saucer results when anudist spills his coffee.
-For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
-I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
-The beatings will continue until morale improves.
-I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
-Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
-Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
-Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
-I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
-He who laughs last thinks slowest!
-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
-"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
-A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
-Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
-Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
-There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
-Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
-I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
-Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
-Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
-I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
-Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
-Double your drive space - delete Windows!
-What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
-Assassins do it from behind.
-Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
-Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
-Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
-I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
-I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
-Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
-When there's a will, I want to be in it.
-Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
-Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
-A closed mouth gathers no feet.
-A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
-A penny saved is ridiculous.
-All that glitters has a high refractive index.
-Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
-Anarchy is better than no government at all.
-Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
-Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
-Brain -- the apparatus with which we think that we think.
-Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
-Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
-Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
-Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
-Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
-Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
-Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's bad...
-Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
-Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
-Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
-Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.
-Entropy isn't what it used to be.
-Familiarity breeds children.
-God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
-Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
-Help support helpless victims of computer error.
-Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
-History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.
-I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
-If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
-I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
-In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
-It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
-It works better if you plug it in.
-It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
-Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
-Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
-Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
-Life's a bitch, then you die.
-Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
-Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
-NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
-Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
-Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
-Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
-Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
-Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
-The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
-The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
-The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
-The road to to success is always under construction.
-Those who can't write, write help files.
-To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
-To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
-Today is the last day of your life so far.
-When all else fails, read the instructions.
-When in doubt, don't bother.
-When in doubt, ignore it.
-Xerox does it again and again and again and...
-Everyone has a photographic memory, some don't have film.
-Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
-Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
-I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
-You're not dead, your electroencephalographically challenged.
-You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
-Have you ever wondered how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
-Pardon my driving, I am reloading.
-Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
-Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
-A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
-Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
-Atheism is a nonprofit organization.
-On the other hand, you have different fingers.
-I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Horn broken. Watch for finger.-
- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
- All generalizations are false.- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
- Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
- It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
- Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
- I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
- Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
- Born free...Taxed to death.
- The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
- Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
- Rehab is for quitters.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
- All men are idiots, and I married their King.
- Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
- Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
- Montana- At least our cows are sane!
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
- If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
- When you do a good deed, get a reception case heaven is like the IRS.
- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
- No radio - Already stolen.
- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
- Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
- Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

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Page Updated Thu Mar 30, 2000 9:59am EST