Spoons 8 - By Dylan Burke - Comedy & Humor - http://maxpages.com/spoons/Spoons

Hello! My name is Steve Spoon; I’m the son of Sam Spoon. My father died when I was 23 hours old and I was an admiral in the space navy. So I am now 54 hours old and the king of a warrior race known as the Sporks. I rule a continent called Jacjsomhand.

Well now that you have some backround info I can start my story. My Mindless drones, er I mean faithful servants are asexual and so one day a very annoying Spork named kelyhored stirred the Sporks up against me saying, “ If Steve and Sam were such great rulers how come there aren’t any Sporkettes.” After pondering this for a good while all the other Sporks agreed so instead of sending a petition to me they decided to let their opinions be heard a different way rioting. Up and down the streets of Jacjsomhand they hopped (they hopped because they only have one leg) smashing windows, destroying products, and the worst thing stealing candy from babies.

Now they have my attention and I’m also a little annoyed so they come to the palace and Kelyhored demands, “You will go on a mission and find us Sporkettes and bring them back here.”

I said, “You don’t talk to me like that” and had him beheaded. Then I said, “ Now the rest of you would like me to go on a quest for Sporkettes?

They replied “Very much sir”

So to please them I decided to take up their quest.

Preparations began that day and lasted till the next week. First on my list of things to do to start was get a crew of about 100 Sporks together. It was a very tedious job (boring too) so I will only tell you about a few of my selections. 1

First I went to my captains and officers in the royal space navy and got three Manfred, known for being valiant, Neetums, known for being, well he wasn’t known for anything. I know that’s only two but three sounds better.

I decided that since Regular Sporks had brought me the mission I woud have the majority of my crew be made of them. The most interesting person I found was a 20-hour-old Spork named Samuel after my dad. He was in a wheelchair but he had a great outlook on life also even though he couldn’t walk he turned out to be a tactual genius and he would greatly enhance the expotiotion. My next great find was a Spork named Imeerv; he was immense and also turned out to be a great warrior we also used him as a mount for Samuel to ride on. The rest of the Sporks I interviewed weren’t that interesting so I won’t bore you with the details.

We also had to get provisions for a trip we didn’t know how long it would be. As you can imagine we wanted to be prepared for anything so we took food for 3(three) years, weapons for all including the tactics given to my father by the Chopsticks. Our weapons included all manner of guns, beam weapons, ammo, and lasers. Another of the many tasks upon us was figuring out where to go so I had my best mapmakers and navigators figure out the route that would most likely help us find Sporkettes.

Now we will set of form Jacsomhand, aboard the six space ships I deemed necessary for this undertaking, and the take-off went smoothly and all was well until we got to the planet Fortex 4 (it has nothing to do with Cortex 4 it’s just a coincidence) as we were passing it our right third thruster cut out and we started to dive towards the planet, but then just in the nick of time the thruster came back on and we were fine. Then as we were flying along Samuel suddenly sat all rigid in his chair and prophesied, 2 “ The King Shall find Sporkettes on Cortex 14 and a third (we’re really not sure how you can have a third of a planet bur that’s what he said.) then he was normal again.

Immediately after that an evil, no a truly horrible thing appeared and hurled a wicked weapon at us. I was in the fastest ship and we almost dodged it but it hit our tail and sent us spinning into an asteroid field, which we realized, was the Cortexes. There we noticed something it was a very little planet or else a huge moon. The ship was spinning out of control or we would have avoided it but as it is we smashed right into it. Then we realized what Samuel meant when he said “Cortex 14 and a Third” on this absurd little place everything was only a third of what it was on Jacsomhand there were pine trees but only a third of them, there were animals with two thirds of their bodies missing.

Finally we found it El Dorado the city of gold actually it wasn’t but it was a Sporkette colony. When we entered lovely Sporkettes who told us “We’ve been waiting for you to come rescue us ever since we got here 8000 hours ago” greeted us

I was completely dumbfounded as were my crew.

They then explained, “That 8000 hours ago they had been transported here by Dr. they-forgot-his-name when his experiment didn’t have the results he wanted, and as they got carted off to be put here they saw him create the Sporks.” They were confused about what I was though. I proposed to them that they come to our home on Jacsomhand and be our wives.

The Sporkettes replied that they would gladly come to our plant but they refused to be or wives instead they decided to be our counterpart.

Once we to back to the other five ships there was a party in which we introduced the Sporkettes which were a big hit and told the crews of the other ships how Samuel’s prophesy came true. The rest of the ride home was uneventful. We landed and there was another big party but this time we decided to keep the Sporkettes a secret. When the citizens heard the news that our mission was unsuccessful they became depressed. I threw a big banquet under the pretence to cheer them up but it was really to introduce the Sporkettes. The Banquet was a big success and everyone went home happy.

Everything was going good until one day we got a message that read, “You may have escaped me this time but it won’t happen again.”

The End

(Not really)

December 2001

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Page Updated Mon Aug 18, 2003 10:49pm EDT