Spoon World - By Max Mendelsohn - Comedy & Humor - http://maxpages.com/spoons/Spoon

Once upon a time...all good stories start with that, don't ya think? You know, like all the classics: Hansel and Grettel, Alice in Wonderland, and Goldie Locks and the Three Bears. Well, this isn't one of those stories. This is a story of, well, Spoons. But not just any Spoons! No, this is the story of some of the most famous Spoons in the Spoon Empire. You think of Spoons as those shiny things you eat with. That's not us. That is just our armor, like knights in shining armor. Normally without the armor, we look a lot like plastic Spoons with arms and legs. Well, enough of our anatomy, let's just get on with the story.
Once upon a time...what time was it anyway? It doesn't matter really. I was watching TV, flipping through the channels, and Spoonwatch was on, so I sat back and enjoyed the program. Then, as the most exciting part was coming, ZAP!!! The power went out. When the power came back on, the TV had a sinister shape. I don't know what it was shaped like, but nonetheless, it was quite sinister. The shape said, "I am the sinister shape."
"Well, that's quite obvious,' I muttered under my breath.
"Don't scoff at me, you miserable Spoon! I can squash you like a melon!"
Mmmmm melon, I like melon. Then, Wait! Wait! I don't want to be a melon! "Who are you and where do you come from?"
"Oh, a feisty one! I guess I'll just destroy this species." He went on to laugh an evil laugh for a while, waiting for the cameras to fade out. Then, he figured out that there was no camera, and he stopped. That is when it got weird...the TV opened! I'm sure there is a long explanation for this, but I didn't understand. Out of the TV stepped the shape.
I thought about how something could step out of my TV, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks as I grabbed the remote. "You're going off!" I said triumphantly. But my finger slipped, and I hit the channel button instead. The shape turned into Godzilla! "Ah!" I screamed. I flipped the channel again, this time to Cartoon Network. The logo from Cartoon Network almost fell on me. Outdoors I saw Marvin the Martian zapping innocent bystanders! "On no!" I screamed. I then flipped to HGTV. There is nothing violent here I thought. After I had flipped to this channel, I heard screams! When I grabbed the TV Guide, I looked up HGTV and it horrifyingly said, "How to Display Your Guns!"
I started to change the channel again when BAM! A large foot came down and crushed the remote and TV.
"Ah! Where are you from? What do you want?" I asked.
"I am from planet Zornale Cordex 4," it said in a computerized voice. "I am here to destroy your species."
"What happened to the other three planets?"
"We destroyed them in a huge power surge."
"Just one more question?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes?" he replied.
"Can you spare my miserable, pitiful, no good life?"
"Yes, I may spare one life. I will spare yours."
I breathed a sigh of relief and climbed onto the creature's arm. He began to destroy the city. He saw a Spoon, BAM! It was sizzled. If a Spoon came to close, CRUNCH he stomped it. He continued this for weeks and weeks. He let me off for bathroom breaks and when I was hungry.
After about a year, I noticed how many lives were lost, and I needed to make up a plan to stop him. Then, it hit me like two tons of bricks! I had to call an army strong enough to stop him. The only army I could think of was the Fork army, but they lived on another planet. I had to wait about three months before we came to a spaceport. I told the robot I needed to use the bathroom and for him to wait for me. When I got into the spaceport, I rushed to the transuniversal communicator. "Number 1 message. I repeat, number 1 message to the Forks."
Then a strong voice answered, "Forks here!"
"We need back up. We can't hold on much longer. A large robot is killing us off."
The Forks answered, "We'll be there as soon as we can."
I walked back to the robot, and I told him, "Boy, do I feel better." I climbed back on to him, and he continued to destroy the world. When we got to Pittsburgh and were about to destroy the fountain, a large flash of light lit the sky. Thousands of spaceships appeared; it was the Fork army!
"Sorry, we took so long," said the captain of the Fork army. "Let's get rid of this trash heap of a robot!" Then, ZAP! A beam of light as thick as a Redwood tree came out of the largest ship and impaled the robot. KABOMB! He was gone.
THE END, but this isn't really the end. I mean, except for the robot.

October 1999

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Page Updated Mon Aug 18, 2003 10:49pm EDT