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A Blonde Puzzle
Apple VS Microsoft
Blank Greeting Card Messages
We Dont Serve Bears
The Diary of a Cat
On the Roof
The Final Exam From Hell
Dumb Criminals
Monkey Wrench
Redneck Medical Terms
When in Rome
Smart Mother
Prison vs Work
Mystery of the Ugly Duckling
Breakfast Trouble
Feline Alien Attacks Fence
Why Not a Blonde Joke
In the Year 1900
SAYINGS
Winnie the Pooh Needs Help
TACKLE SHOP
The Horse Race
Shark
A December Story from Russia
Kids Say the Crappiest Things
Walker Texas Salesman
Hunting Lawyers
The Rednecks Babies
American History
A Short History of Medicine
Boxes in Four wheel drive
getting pulled over
Stupid as in not Smart
Fruitcake Recipe
Blonde in Space
Rednecks Babies
Ideas of friends
The Bell Ringer
BLONDE IN DENIAL
An Amish Transformation
The Bar Bet
An Ethnic Survivor Episode
You might be a Redneck If
Washing The Cat
NYC Tourism Rules
Daughters Date
Blonde Kidnapping
You might be a school teacher
16 Fun things to do in class
Years best T Shirt slogans
MeMail Monday
Sailor in a bar
McDonalds
ATM
batteries
The intern
car dealership
IDIOTS AT WORK
IDIOTS and COMPUTERS
Hes lying
IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE
The Rules of Chocolate
Carpet Layer
Everybody Somebody Anybody
Three Nurses
Baseball Season
Idiots They Walk Among Us
Cars Bumper Sticker
Saving The Prez
BEST NEWSPAPER HEADLINES EVER
Bill Gates Advice
The Statue
Cops Grant Wishes
The Difference Between Rookie
YET ANOTHER REASON NOT TO USE
Duck Joke
Biblical Bumper Stickers
school joke
The lost Dr Seuss Book
Apology
Marriage
RETURN OF THE BEATLES
Cartoon Character Test
How To Get Rich
Only For Canadians
Rejected Rejection
A Politically Correct Holiday
Chet the Parrot
The Four Stages Of Life
Conduct During the HolidayS
Christmas Carols for the Ps
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Only In NEW YORK
AND ITS CHEAPER THAN BUYING A
MOTHER SUPERIOR
Funny Links
Games
Games 2
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| NYC Tourism Rules |
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| It has been called to the attention of the NY Tourism Authority that rules need to be implemented in order to protect tourists from NY natives. If you follow the following guidelines you will enjoy your stay in NY, and you will remain alive. 1.) WALKING. It has become painfully obvious that as a tourist, walking somehow escapes you. Your entire family/school/group needn't walk at a snail's pace in a skirmish line,thereby effectively blocking anyone else's passage. This makes New Yorkers extremely unpleasant. "Move, you fuck!" is not a standard complimentary greeting, but you should expect to hear it often. NY Law now allows its natives to eat the youngest child in your group if you are found in violation of this law. 2) SUBWAY We know. You don't have these new-fangled train systems in Alabama.If it's not a Ford F150, you are totally confused. However, you must be aware of the following procedures when riding the subway, otherwise you could find yourself checked into the Rain-Man Suite of the Hotel Smackdown. Escalators-Yes, they are stairs and yes they move. It's called technology. However, it's not Disneyworld or Opryland. You must stand on the right and walk on the left. Standing on the left could result in serious bodily injury. You don't belong there. Your children don't belong there. Your smell-hound Geech (unless he is a seeing-eye smellhound) does not belong there. Walk on the left. NY Law now allows residents to eliminate tourists by any means necessary in order to keep the left moving. When you reach the top/bottom of the escalator, MOVE! Don't debate where the Empire State Building is. Don't decide to do a headcount. Since the stairs move, chances are that people will be behind you. Platforms-Generally when the doors open on a train, people are going to get off. It's not an invitation to weasel on for that choice seat near the map.(Don't worry, we'll get to the map.) NY residents are allowed to push you and all your children onto the tracks for violating this one. Subway Cars-The pole is not the one you dance on at the nudie bar back in your white trash trailer existence at home. Don't hug it, lick it or hump it. Other people may want to use it for holding on. You can be legally groped if you are humping the pole. Maps-The trains are color-coded. It's not rocket science. No matter how many times you look at the map, you cannot change the direction of the train. Look once, maybe ask someone. But don't stay there staring at the map for 8 hours. The Law currently allows NY natives to pee on map gawkers. Your Two Cents-No one asked you to butt into a conversation. So don't. Your children's eyes can be removed legally for this offense. Also staring and smiling. Don't do it, or someone is allowed to pop a cap in your ass. 3) EXTERNAL BEHAVIOR Lunch-NY natives have the uncanny knack of going out between the hours of 12 and 2 PM on weekdays and buying themselves some food for consumption. Yes, we know its a whole lot to ask since you must be so hungry from doing nothing all day, but BRING YOUR OWN FUCKING LUNCH! Nothing is more disheartening than standing in line at your favorite lunch place while 50 foul-mouthed urchins debate pepperoni vs. regular/thin vs. thick crust. NY law allows natives to disembowel tourists if the lines are too long. Dinner-"Hey this bar looks good. Let's bring all of our children to this authentic NY watering hole. It's smoky and full of New Yorkers blowing off steam from a hard day. There are college kids everywhere attempting to get into each others' pants." So of course, there is no better place for your children and you to get a bite. Stick to Planet Hollywood and Hard Rock.We don't go there, so don't go into our bars. NY Law forces violating tourists to pay everyone else's bar tab for the remainder of the night. Hope you brought your AMEX. 4) DRESS CODE We had no choice but to implement a dress code in NY. You people are just too nasty. Do you watch what your children are wearing? If your daughter is 14 and weighs 200 lbs, chances are she should not be wearing a cut-off T-shirt and pants so tight her gut has a gut. Stupid hats, visors, sunglasses and those shirts that your entire group has made just for this trip must be left at your hotels. People who violate the dress code of the district, which just requests that you dress reasonably, will be deported. |
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