CARTMAN'S PARTY
BY PAT
OPENING THEME SONG PERFORMED BY LES CLAYPOOL OF PRIMUS
[OPENING : STAN'S HOUSE . GRANPA MARSH , STAN , RANDY AND SHARON , AND SHELLEY ARE SITTING AROUND WATCHING "JESUS AND PALS" ]
STAN : MA , CAN'T WE WATCH TERRENCE AND PHILIP INSTEAD ?
SHARON : NO , HONEY , I TOLD U ABOUT THAT SHOW BEFORE , IT'S NOT APPROPIATE FOR THIS HOUSE !
STAN : DAMN !
SHARON : LANGUAGE !
STAN : CAN I CALL SOMEONE ?
RANDY : IT'S GETTING KINDA LATE , STANLEY , MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T .
STAN : PLEASE !
SHARON : OK , BUT HURRY UP .
[CUT TO KITCHEN , STAN CALLS KYLE ]
KYLE : HELLO ?
STAN : HI
KYLE : OH HI DUDE , WHAT'S UP ?
STAN : NOTHING , I CAN'T WAIT FOR SATURDAY !
KYLE : WHY , WHAT'S SATURDAY ?
STAN : MY BIRTHDAY !
KYLE : SWEET , R U HAVING A PARTY ?
STAN : I DON'T KNOW , MY MOM HASN'T SAID ANYTHING YET .
KYLE : WAIT A MINUTE , SOMEBODY IS ON THE OTHER LINE .
[KYLE PRESSES A BUTTON ON THE PHONE AND HEARS CARTMAN'S VOICE]
CARTMAN : HI DUDE !
KYLE : HEY FAT ASS , WHAT'S UP ?
CARTMAN : AYYY ! I'M NOT FAT , JEW !
KYLE : ALRIGHT , WHAT DO U WANT ?
CARTMAN : IS STAN'S PARTY THIS WEEK , WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN INVITED ?
KYLE : I DUNNO , ASK HIM .
[KYLE PRESSES A BUTTON AND STAN IS IN THE CONVERSATION]
STAN : HI DUDES , WHATS UP ?
CARTMAN : WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I BEEN INVITED TO UR BIRTHDAY ?
STAN : WELL--------------
CARTMAN : ALRIGHT , THAT DOES IT , I HAVEN'T MY OWN PARTY AND IT'S GONNA BE THE BEST EVER !
KYLE : OH YA
CARTMAN : YA
STAN : OH YA
CARTMAN : YA
KYLE : WELL FINE
STAN : WELL FINE !
CARTMAN : SCREW U GUYS , I'M GOING HOME ! [HANGS UP PHONE]
[WE HEAR CARTMAN IN THE BACKGROUND YELLING TO HIS MOTHER]
CARTMAN : MAAAAAAMMM , CAN WE HAVE A BIG PARTY THIS WEEKEND ?
LIANNE : WELL , HOW ABOUT NEXT WEEKEND , DEAR !
CARTMAN : BUT MMMMMMAAAAAAAAAMMM , I WANNA HAVE A PARTY SO I CAN BE COOL !
LIANNE : WELL HON , I WOULD BUT .......
CARTMAN : BUT MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM , I WANNA HAVE A PARTY SO I CAN BE COOL !
LIANNE : WELL OK , DEAR !
CARTMAN : SWEET !
[CUT TO COMMERCIAL]
[CUT TO MR. GARRISON'S CLASS , CARTMAN IS GIVING OUT INVITATIONS]
CARTMAN : AND HERE IS ONE FOR U BEBE , AND U WENDY , AND U BUTTERS , AND U CLYDE , AND U CRAIG
KYLE : FAT ASS , HOW'S UR PARTY COMING ALONG
CARTMAN : WELL GREAT CUZ U TWO AIN'T COMING , AND HERE'S ONE FOR U KENNY AND U TOKEN AND...
KYLE : YA , WELL WE DON'T CARE
STAN : I'M REAL MAD !
KYLE : Y , DUDE ?
STAN : I THINK MY PARENTS HATE ME , THEY DIDN'T REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY !
KYLE : WOW DUDE , THAT SUX !
STAN : YA I KNOW .
[CUT TO CAFETERIA]
KIDS : HEY CHEF !
CHEF : HELLO CHILDREN , HOW'S EVERYTHING ?
KIDS : GOOD !
STAN : BAD !
CHEF : WHY BAD , STAN ?
STAN : MY PARENTS FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY !
CHEF : WOW , THEY'RE BAD PARENTS !
STAN : YA I KNOW !
KYLE : WHY DON'T U MOVE TO MY EXTRA BEDROOM ?
STAN : FINE , IT'S PROBABLY BETTER THAN MY HOUSE
CARTMAN : HEY CHEF , WANNA COME TO MY PARTY ?
CHEF : WELL , WILL THERE BE ANY HOT CHICKS THERE ?
CARTMAN : MAYBE
KENNY : MRPH MPRHMPHRMPHR MPRHRMPHRM MPHR MPHR MPRHMPHRMPHR MPHRHMPHR MPHRMPHR MRPH !
KYLE : SICK KENNY !
CARTMAN : WHY WOULD HE DO THAT IN MY HOUSE ?
[CUT TO KYLE'S EXTRA BEDROOM WHERE STAN IS MOVING IN]
SHEILA BROVLOFSKI : NOW KYLE , R U SURE STAN'S MOTHER WANTS TO STAY HERE FOR A COUPLE WEEKS ?
KYLE : YA I ..............
STAN : MY FAMILY GOT DEPORTED TO INDIA !
SHEILA : O WELL I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT
[CUT TO CARTMAN'S HOUSE , LIANNE IS DECROATING WHILE CARTMAN IS EATING CHEESY POOFS AND WATCHING TV]
CARTMAN : I'M HAVING A PARTY , I'M HAVING A PARTY , NEH NEHE NEH NEHE NEHE NEH NEH !
[CUT TO COMMERCIAL ]
[CUT BACK TO CARTMAN'S HOUSE PARTY NIGHT]
CARTMAN [WITH MICROPHONE] : FIRST OF ALL I WANT TO THANK ALL OF U FOR COMING TO MY PARTY , NOW LET'S START DANCING ! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN , THE ONE AND ONLY CHER !
CHER [FACE PAINTED LIKE A RAINBOW[MAKEUP]]: NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY , U KEEP PUSHING ME INSIDE , AND I CAN'T BREAK THROUGH . THERE'S NO TALKING TO U !
[MUSIC CONTINUES AND EVERYONE STARES AT EACHOTHER ]
MR. GARRISON : WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PARTY IS THIS ?
MR. MACKEY : I DUNNO BUT IT SUX , M'KAYYY ?
[OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM]
CLYDE : LET'S PLAY MONOPOLY !
BUTTERS : I SSSSURE WWWWOULD LIKE TTTTHAT !
TOKEN : YA , LETS PLAY !
TIMMY : TIMMEEEEHHHH !
CARTMAN : COME ON PEOPLE , IT'S A PARTY , DANCE !
CLYDE : TIMMY , GET THE MONOPOLY !
TIMMY : TIMMEHHHHH !
[AS TIMMY RIDES OVER TO GET IT HE RUNS OVER THE PLUG AND ALL THE LIGHTS GO OFF ]
CARTMAN : WEAK !!!!
[CUT BACK TO KYLE'S EXTRA BEDROOM]
KYLE : GEE , I WONDER HOW CARTMAN'S PARTY IS GOING !
STAN : I KNOW , I'M BORED AS HELL !
KYLE : I WOULDN'T STOOP THAT LOW TO GO TO THE PARTY THOUGH !
[THE DOORBELL RINGS AND STAN SEES HIS CAR OUTSIDE THE WINDOW ]
STAN : DAMMIT !
[CUT BACK TO CARTMAN'S DARK PARLOR]
CARTMAN : KENNY , GO DOWN AND FIX THE FUSE BOX IN THE BASEMENT !
KENNY : MPHR MPHR MPHR MPHR MPHR MPHR MPHR ?
CARTMAN : CUZ UR FAMILY'S POOR , KENNY !
KENNY : MPHR MPHR !
CARTMAN : SAME TO U !
[WE HEAR KENNY GO TO THE BASEMENT AND TO THE FUSE BOX . THEN HE FLICKS A SWITCH AND WE SEE HIS SKELETON LIGHT UP .]
BEBE : O MY GOD , HE KILLED KENNY !
BUTTERS : U BASTARD !
TIMMY : TIMMEH !
MR. GARRISON : I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THIS PARTY !
MAYOR MCDANIELS : ME TOO !
EVERYBODY : YA !
[THE LIGHTS GO BACK ON TO SHOW CARTMAN , LIANNE , AND CHER SITTING ON THE STAIRS]
CARTMAN : REMEMBER DON'T HAVE A PARTY AGAIN !
LIANNE : SURE ERIC !
[CUT BACK TO KYLE'S HOUSE , SHEILA ANSWERS THE DOOR TO SEE RANDY AND SHARON MARSH]
SHEILA : RANDY , SHARON ?
RANDY AND SHARON : YA ?
SHEILA : UR SON TOLD US YOU GOT DEPORTED TO INDIA !
STAN'S PARENTS : HUH ?
STAN : HI MOM , HI DAD , WHY THE HELL DID U COME BACK ?
STAN'S PARENTS : TO GET U FOR UR BIRTHDAY PARTY , WE WERE WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU , SON !
STAN : BUT I THOUGHT U FORGOT
RANDY : WHY WOULD WE FORGET UR BIRTHDAY , STANLEY ?
STAN : CUZ U HATE ME !
SHARON : NO WE DON'T , UR BIRTHDAY ISN'T UNTIL TOMORROW !
STAN : O , ALRIGHT I BETA LEAVE THEN !
KYLE : SEE YA DUDE
STAN : BYE !
KYLE : MA , I LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY , I'M DAMN GLAD I DIDN'T GO TO CARTMAN'S PARTY !
[CLOSING SONG BY CHER ] |