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| The Sopranoes Shit List: Dumb Lines, Blown Lines, Lapses of Logic, and Stupid Bits of Business.... i love the sopranos...but like anything else, it has its flaws (not the least of which is lines that are difficult to hear & understand). to be different, i thought i'd do a web page listing some quibbles...over 13 episodes, i am struck by how few there really are. i hope you'll enjoy these in a spirit of admiration and appreciation for this extraordinary tv show... one note: i am not including errors of continuity...here pussy has 2 kids, there 3. these seldom spoil the story, and storytellers ignore them. they are a dead end, fun to spot, but ultimately irrelevant. i do include lapses of logic, like tony's retelling of junior's young & old bull story...i always took this to show the wisdom of conserving one's energies for what's really important...especially when you're old & your energy is waining. what's it got to do with sharing the wealth? if it makes sense to you, tell me & maybe i'll take it off the list!!... in 1.... ---->BEATING UP MAHAFFEY IN PUBLIC...with all those witnesses?...hey, somebody take down the plate # of that lexus...duh... ---->TONY TO LIVIA: "PHONE IS AN AUDITORY THING, DARK IS AN EYE THING"..too cutesy, too pat, seems more like writing than acting... ---->SILVIO: "SADNESS ACRUES"...little steven is not an actor...sil is the most cartoony character...yet few of his lines are duds like this one...goes beyond even damon runyon in its mock pomposity...acrue???... ---->CARM POSITIONS THE WINE GLASS...in response to tony having something to tell her, carm could've thrown her head back, grimaced, interlaced her fingers, done any of a hundred things...why would tony ask why she did it?...its just a straight line to set up her feeble unfunny response... ---->CARM: "PHYSCHOLOGY DOESN'T ADDRESS THE SOUL, THATS SOMETHING ELSE, BUT THIS IS A START"...sure, she's an intellectual wannabe, but this sticks out like a sore thumb... in 2.... ---->PAULIE REPEATING PARIS BLOW-JOB LINE TO SILVIO...he's sitting right next to him for chrissakes!...nowhere else does paulie demonstrate awareness of his own natural wit to the degree of making sure everybody heard him...thank goodness!!... ---->CHRIS' VIEW OF CLONING...this went right over my head...what's cloning got to do with mexicans, cell-phones & parking vallets???....[CLONING IS STEALING YOUR CELL PHONE # AND BILLING CALLS TO YOU, A SPECIALTY OF AMIGOS SOUTH OF THE BORDER...THANX TO FEVS] in 3.... ---->THE FOOD FIGHT...these only happen on the screen, never in real life...or do i need to get out more?... ---->IRINA'S PAINTING...who the fuck is david hockey?...[HE'S A FAMOUS PAINTER AND PHOTOGRAPHER...THANX TO T.F.] ---->MAINIE TELLS CARM SHE FUCKED TONY...why does she bring this up, in the context of what they were talking about, which was "we made our choices and I'm fine with mine"?...meaning "you treat me like a servant but i screwed your hubby"?... in 4.... ---->THE PAGER PRANK...i don't know how pagers work, but can you actually count down 3-2-1 to when one will ring, as aj does?... --->STRIPPER:"I'LL NEVER FORGET WHERE I WAS THIS DAY"...when kennedy was shot, how many people do you know who said "this day" besides walter cronkite?...perhaps the stupidest line in the whole series...dumbness acrues... ---->MELFI TO TONY RE TRAFFIC STOP: "IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT"...what an odd thing to say, like if tony had said "sorry about your divorce" & she'd answered "it wasn't your fault"...well, no shit...this comment sounds like she knows more than she does: "it wasn't your fault vin turned out to be such a psycho"...huh???... in 5.... ---->nuthin'.... in 6.... ---->TONY TELLS MELFI: "MY LIFE IS LIKE AN EPISODE OF PROVOLONE SOMETHING"...t, ya lost me...[AS OPPOSED TO THE SHOW "THIRTYSOMETHING"...THANX TO TERI] ---->CARD GAME: "CLABBY?" "HEARTS"...i know clabby or clubby as a 2-handed game, another damon runyon touch...i suppose there could be a multi-handed version, like there is 4-handed chess.... ---->TONY'S "WAG FINGER IN MY FACE" LINE...i know this was voted 2nd best, but i can't see it...my favorite line is in this epiosode, at green grove, when the guy with the walker sez to jr. "new arrival?" and jr. responds "keep movin', fellah"...and gives him this LOOK....woof...i also like livia's "what can you do?...eventually they find you with a broken hip"... ---->THE FATHER/SON BULL JOKE...see above under "one note"... in 7.... ---->nothin'.... in 8.... ---->nuthin'.... in 9.... ---->TONY RE SEX WITH ALLY: "MAYBE SHE WANTED TO SH--- PE--- LOOK LIKE SHE WAS MORE SOPHISTICATED IN YOU GUYS' EYES"...sure he's in shock, but i'd take out the sputtering...but then as my dad always says: "you're just looking for things to argue about"... in 10.... ---->ADRIANA RE "RENT": "I'M SINGING THE SCENERY"...if she meant everything about it blew her away, there are clearer ways to express that...some people i talk to don't understand what this comment means... ---->1968 HIT BY THE CHABLIS "RIFF WITH IT"...this is not a 60's-type song title, you mammaluc' writers... ---->THE WHOLE "SCREAM IN THE DARK" BIT...pretty weak...as livia would shrug: "i dunno".... in 11.... ---->PAULIE'S CAR HORN...a little over the top, or am i just getting old and cranky?.... in 12.... ---->JUNIOR DUCKS DOWN AS DONNIE P DRIVES UP..."oops"..duck down...like betty boop?...mr. magoo?... ---->LIVIA: "YOU'LL FIND...THAT IT'LL HAPPEN TO YOU SOON TOO"...jeez, she almost drops out of character...take 2, dear.... in 13.... ---->PELLEGRINO PICKS OFF LINT...cornball bit of business big time.... ---->ARTIE: "WHAT KIND OF STUPID TWISTED SICK [ERP] LOGIC?"...blown line?...i woulda done it over.... ---->ARTIE GRABS HEAD IN BOTH HANDS BEFORE DRIVING AWAY...tom & jerry move, no?.... ---->SIL'S "PAINFUL STRESSFUL TIMES" LINE...awkward...spit it out, man... ---->AILING UNDERBOSS JOSEPH "BEPPY" SASSO...where'd he pop up from?...never seen, never even mentioned, and actor not credited... ---->MICHAEL "GRAB-BAG" PALMICE...instant nickname...and notice the tv lady's lips don't match what we hear on "grab-bag".... ---->CAN YOU REALLY FAKE A STROKE?...i'm just askin'... ---->T GRABS PILLOW AT GREEN GROVE...no, he wasn't gonna snuff mom, no matter how the scene looks...it don't compute for me... ---->OVERALL BITCH MOAN....in the credits, i wish character names for "guest stars" would be included, like for minor characters... --->NOT 100 QUESTIONS BUT 2: one: what does t call puss at the sitdown discussing the kolars in 1? (pussy's real name sal?)....two: how come paulie never eats walnuts?.... ---->EXTRA CREDIT: livia's cousin with the lobotomy...is it kiki or chakey?....and in 7, the flashback has an unbilled character arrested at rideland, said by t to be his father's cousin on **his** mother's side...either kiki or chickie sasso...are they the same character?...consider in 13, when livia is wandering...she calls setimina her sister, and tells kiki to tell setimina to open the door...of what relation is kiki to setimina?...it would make sense if "aunt setimina" were LIVIA's aunt, then kiki would be setimina's son and livia's cousin... so now consider kiki/chickie sasso...johnny boy's cousin..."on HIS mother's side"...or did tony mean to say "on MY mother's side", which would have made kiki sasso technically johnny boy's cousin-in-law, but he'd pretty much be identified as livia's lobo-kiki...we think we know, but we don't know...maybe...if... so: ----> (1) is setimina livia's aunt or sister?... ----> (2) is lobo-kiki livia's cousin or nephew?... ----> (3) is lobo-kiki setimina's son or cousin?.... ----> (4) and is lobo-kiki the same as kiki/chickie sasso?.... yeah, i know i said i wasn't gonna do continuity errors, but if this all ties together, it isn't an error, it's just more info about the characters in the story...if the facts don't jibe, then it IS a continuity error...i'd rather there weren't any...sue me...---stolf--- ---stolf--- |
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