Battle of the Sexes! - Entertainment - http://maxpages.com/smoochy/Battle_of_the

•I think Barry Manilow is one cool motha F***ER. •While I'm up, can I
get you a beer? •I think hairy butts are really sexy. •Her tits are just
too big. •Sometimes I just want to be held. •That chick on Murder She
Wrote gives me a woody. •Sure I'd love to wear a condom! •We haven't
been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
•Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown. •I think we are
lost, we better pull over and ask for directions •No, I don't mind
watching Thelma and Louise again.

The Perfect Day According to ... HIM

10:00amWake up10:02amOral sex10:15amBig breakfast11:30amDrive up the
coast in Ferrari with gorgeous blonde with big jugs2:15pmEnormous lunch
3:00pmOral sex3:15pmPlay sports with the guys4:00pmDrink beer with guys
6:00pmMeet Claudia Schiffer6:10pmOral sex6:25pmHuge dinner, more beer
11:00pmFull on, get down, gorilla sex

The Last 11 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say:

•Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being
friends. •Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche
that way. •I think hairy butts are really sexy. •Hey, get a whiff of
that one. •Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the
armpit are just too cute. •This diamond is way too big! •I don't mind
throwing all these useless shoes out. •I won't even put my lips on that
thing unless I get to swallow. •Wow, it really is 14 inches! •Does this
make my butt look too small? •I'm wrong, you must be right again.

The Perfect Day According to ... HER

8:45amWake up to hugs and kisses9:00am5 pounds lighter on the scale
9:30amLight breakfast11:00amSunbathe12:00pmLunch with best friend at
outdoor cafe1:30pmShopping2:30pmRun into boyfriends ex, notice she's
gained 30 pounds3:00pmFacial massage and nap7:30pmCandle light dinner
for two and dancing10:00pmMake love11:00pmPillow talk in his big strong
arms

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HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her,
tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on
her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her,
stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked, with beer....

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Man's Rules for Woman

(In response to the popular "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men")

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every
other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like
it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark
anniversaries.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like a sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

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Page Updated Sun Jun 13, 1999 8:55am EDT