A Blonde at the Swim Meet
It was the final race of the annual Swim Meet. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were competing against one another to take the big trophy.
After the starting gun was fired, the brunette and the redhead gracefully dove into the pool and began swimming furiously. Their blazing speed astonished onlookers. Meanwhile, the blonde just sort of jumped into the pool and flopped around helplessly. While the other two girls were swimming like fish, the blonde was not getting anywhere. It was a wonder that she did not drown.
At last, in a photo finish, the redhead edged out the brunette to win the big swimming trophy. The blonde, however, was publicly humiliated; after watching the blonde flop around in the water for several minutes, a lifeguard finally had to throw her a ring float and pull the blonde from the pool.
Upon getting out of the pool, the blonde was both embarassed and very angry. She marched straight to the swimming race judge and exclaimed, "It's not fair! This race should be invalidated because they cheated!"
"Ma'am," the judge sternly replied, "Everything appeared to be in order to me. How on earth do you think that they cheated?"
"You said this was a breast stroke competition," the blonde explained. "But they used their arms!"
A Blonde Walks Into Sears
One day a blonde walked into Sears department store to buy a new television set.
Spotting a model she liked, she asked the salesman, "How much is that TV?"
To her dismay, the sales clerk arrogantly replied, "Sorry, lady - I'm through dealing with blondes. No blondes allowed!"
The next day, the blonde went back to Sears wearing a brunnette wig. "How much is that TV set?" she asked the salesman. But he was not fooled by her disguise. The sales clerk again arrogantly stated, "Sorry, lady - no blondes allowed."
In the days that followed, the blonde tried to fool the salesman with a number of different disquises. But no matter how elaborate her disguise, she got the same answer - "Sorry, lady - no blondes allowed!" - every time.
Finally, the blonde was angry and exasperated. She went back to Sears and confronted the salesman. "Look," she said. "I don't care about the damn TV any more... I just want to figure out how you knew it was me all along!"
The sales clerk replied, "Ma'am, that's not a TV - it's a microwave oven."
The Blonde & the Firing Squad
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all about to be executed by firing squad.
The executioner dragged the redhead into the execution yard, gave her a cigarette and blindfold, and asked her if she had any last words. The redhead pointed into the distance and replied, "Look out - TORNADO!" The entire firing squad quickly turned and looked. When they turned back around, the redhead was gone!
So then the brunette was dragged before the guns and asked whether she had any last words. The brunette replied, "Oh my God - it's a TYPHOON!!" And then the same thing happened. The brunette got away too!
So finally, it was the blonde's turn before the firing squad. Once again, the blonde got dragged before the guns, blindfolded, and asked whether she had any last words. Having witnessed what her fellow prisoners on death row had done, the blonde thought for a second and shouted at the top of her voice, "FIRE!!!!!"
And so they did.
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