Real Dirty Jokes - Yo, enjoy your laughs and have fun! - Advertising

As the Viking warship stealthily slipped up to the unsuspecting Saxon
seaside village, Brodar, the chieftain rose and addressed his followers:

"Now men," he bellowed, "our plan is to burn the village..."

"Hurray!" roared the warriors.

"Kill all the men..."

"Hurray!" they shouted again, even louder.

"And rape all the women, several times."

"Hurray for our glorious leader and his wonderful plan!" they shouted.

"And men?" Brodar said.

"Yes, noble Brodar?" they replied in unison.

"For Odin's sake! Get it right this time!"

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My buddy started taking Viagra. He took it with his daily vitamins and
iron supplement.

Now every time it starts getting hard, it points him North!

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A newly married couple returned to their apartment after being on honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Sh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do.
These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in
code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine
door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the
washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell
asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she
nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door
open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by
hand."

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A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon
wound up at his place in bed. They're having a great time. She was on top,
when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure and was shaking and foaming at
the mouth.
He thought this was incredible; the best sex he'd ever had. He finished,
but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure. He began to
get nervous and took her to the emergency room.
A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, "I think her orgasm is
stuck!"

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At the Polish Agricultural university, the Professor was talking about
increasing milk production of the cows, when a girl in the class asked,
"Why do cows always seem depressed when being milked?"

The Professor answered, "Well my girl, if every morning at dawn they woke
you up, rubbed your boobs for two hours and didn't screw you afterwards,
wouldn't you look depressed, too?"

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A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the
bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating
and panting.
"What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He
rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his
4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in
your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past
his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe
floor.
"You jerk," yells the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're
running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

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A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know
intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find
only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to
the butcher. "Don't worry, lady," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and
have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the
public-address system, "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet
me at the back of the store."

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I'll get some more dirty jokes for all you dirty bastards!

E-MAIL ME AT -----> ss2003@hotmail.com

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Page Updated Thu Jan 28, 1999 2:29pm EST