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HOW TO KILL AN EEL (A true story)

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather
curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and
he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to
his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny
she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister
and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described
everything to his mother.
Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he
turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured
sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have
thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart,
just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he
seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started
panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting
cold because he put it under her skirt.
About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the
fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.
Finally, I found out what was making them so sick.... a big eel had
gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood
there about 9 inches long. HONEST! anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep
it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes big and
her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that.
I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!
Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by bitting its head
off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go... I guess it bit
her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took
a muzzle out of his pocket and sliped it over the eels head to keep it from
biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on
it. And he helped by laying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a
fight. Sis started groaning and squeeling and her boyfriend almost upset the
couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her
boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel... I knew it was
dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging
out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went
on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly,
the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight
again. I guess eels are like cats.... they have nine lives or something.
This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting
on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin
and flush it down the toilet.
. . .Mother fainted.

gromitka@hotmail.com

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Page Updated Sat Apr 10, 1999 5:39pm EDT