Personal - http://maxpages.com/sharkinfested/Bumper

Here are some funny sayings found on the back of cars :0p

*If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

*Telepath wanted: you know where to apply

*Inland Revenue: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

*Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

*I'm driving this way just to piss you off

*Lord save me from your followers.

*I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

*Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.

*I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

*Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

*Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

*Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

*I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

*I intend to live forever - so far, so good

*I love defenceless animals, especially in gravy

*Barbie is not a slut- her legs don't open

*Dont piss me off- I am running out of places to hide the bodies

*Which is the odd one out- Texas, Alabama, Arkanas, Tolerance?

*Ban toilet cleaner- Germs have feelings too

*Be nice to your children- they choose your nursing home

*When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

*Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

*Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

*24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a keg ... coincidence?

*When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

*Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

*What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

*I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

*Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

*Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.

*Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

*All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

*I tried sniffing Coke once. The ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

*Reality is for people with no imagination

*Rehab Is for Quitters

*Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15.

*All men are idiots, and I married their king.

*Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.

*I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun.

*Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

*Discourage inbreeding - Ban Country Music.

*They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

*Police Station Toilet Stolen.... Cops have nothing to go on.

*Ham and eggs - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

*The trouble with life is there's no background music.

*Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

*My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.

*Honk if you love peace and quiet.

*You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

*Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs

*Life is sexually transmitted.

*Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

*Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

*Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.

*Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

*I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.

*Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

*Despite the cost of living, it's still popular.

*Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

*You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

*Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

*Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

*Clones are people two.

*I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

*WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

*Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

*Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

*Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?

*Honk If You Want To See My Finger!

*Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes

*I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

I* know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

*Don't drink and drive, you might hit a speed bump and spill your drink.

*All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

*Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

*Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway.

*Friends help you move house. Real friends help you move bodies.

*There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

*I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

*Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.

*Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

*All generalizations are false.

*I brake for fairys, elves, gnomes, the toothfairy, the easter bunny, santa and other little creatures that only I can see

*I wasnt born a bitch, its men like you that made me this way

*Men are not pigs. Pigs are sweet, intelligent, sensitive, clean animals.

*I love animals- they taste great.

*Where there's a will, I wanna be in it.

*Hard work never hurt anybody, but then I figured why take the risk.

*I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

*Obsession is the word lazy people give to those of us who are motivated.

*When in doubt- shut up!

*If they dont have chocolate in heaven, I AINT GOING!

*I'm talking to myself- please dont evesdrop!

*God must love stupid people- he made so many.

*I got kicked outta Scouts for eating a Brownie.

*If you can read this I'm not going fast enough

*0 to bitch in 3.6 seconds

*Diahoerea is a heredatory ilness, it runs in the family.

*Im a bomb technition, if you see me running, try to keep up.

courtesy of www.geocities.com/area51newmexico

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