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| Can't We All Just Get Along ? |
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| Better relationships begin with Self- KNOWLEDGE and Self-ANALYSIS... |
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| ESSENTIAL KEYS TO BETTER RELATIONSHIPS-- |
.......... A WISE OLD NATIVE AMERICAN (Indian) SAGE WAS ONCE ASKED TO EXPLAIN THE NATURE OF INNER CONFLICTS WE ALL EXPERIENCE... He stated...."There are 2 sides inside of all of us ...just like 2 dogs. One dog is nice and kind. The other dog is mean & cruel. The mean dog is always fighting against the kind dog. THEN THE WISE OLD MAN WAS ASKED..."which dog wins??" HE REPLIED..."The one that I feed the most."  THE FOLLOWING REPORT WAS COMPOSED AND WRITTEN BY AUTHOR/EDUCATOR ---Melvia F. Miller..... IN THIS REPORT, THE AUTHOR DISCUSSES IMPORTANT AND SIGNIFICANT ISSUES, such as: self-esteem, race relations, friendship, business success secrets, and communication. ---------------------------------------------- Learning to get along with other people is an essential part of becoming successful in any endeavor. ********************************************** "HEALING OUR PLANET BY CREATING BETTER RELATIONSHIPS" In all that we do ---relationships are involved. Relationships are necessary for us to live in society, to hold a job, to be a parent, to participate in church or sports, and/or to conduct business. Regardless of your line of work, your situation in life, your race, sex, color, or religion---you have relationships in your life. The problem is the most of us are not very skilled in how to maintain good relationships. This aspect has to do with how well we treat other people. In several research studies, including one conducted by the Carnegie Institute and another by the Bureau of Vocational Guidance---they found that most people (more than 80%) lost their jobs because of inability to "get along with others." They also estimate that at least 66% of business failures are because of poor human relations. Merely "getting along with others" is not enough to make us successful and happy. Poor self-esteem results in poor actions and ugly ways of treating other people. A lot of people have learned some destructive and negative behaviors for 'getting along'---including--- REMEMBER: "Sticks and stones can break our bones, and words can break our hearts."  ---WORST BEHAVIORS FOR GETTING ALONG WITH OTHERS: * Manipulating and controlling with fear. * Being bossy and domineering. * Degrading others with 'put-downs' or snide remarks. * Threatening and harassing. * Ridiculing. * Begging. * 'Kow-towing'...brown-nosing (& similar). * Being a door-mat for others to 'walk on.' * Sapping others of their energy & time... .....to merely get attention for yourself. In order to begin to escape from these destructive behaviors, we must learn to like ourselves. We must satisfy our own "ego-hunger" before we can begin to think about others. If there is friction and trouble in a relationship---there is low-self-esteem and big egos. VISIT THIS SITE FOR MORE INSIGHT: http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Articles/control.html Remember: a hungry dog is a mean dog. One of the most blatant signs of poor self-esteem is a person who tries to "lord over" others to make them feel small, stupid, or inadequate. IMPORTANCE OF HIGH SELF-ESTEEM.... In good, healthy relationships---relationships bring a great deal of personal satisfaction and all parties are able to keep their own egos and self-esteem intact. When self-esteem is at a high level, people are easy to get along with. They are cheerful, generous, tolerant, and open to new ideas. No one is trying to dominate the relationship or put other people down. Their need for "ego-satisfaction" has been fed. They can even laugh at their faults, mistakes, and blunders. Their personalities are so strong and secure that they are willing to take a few risks. They take most obstacles in stride and persevere. They are able to think about the needs of others and offer assistance. MAKE MORE MONEY...HAVE MORE FRIENDS... LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE-- The entrepreneur, teacher, business manager or politician who can master the art of good human relationships will multiply his finances & material blessings, and enhance the lives of others simultaneously. Many companies that are making a lot of money ---have become successful because they have learned to create good relationships with customers, clients, and employees. .....  IMPORTANT INGREDIENTS FOR GOOD RELATIONSHIPS ARE: a) Open communication. b) Honesty and integrity. c) Trust and respect. d) Ability to forgive and ignore small faults. e) Willingness to help other people. f) An attitude of gratitude. g) High self-esteem h) Mutual good-will. i) A sense of mutual/equal partnership. ** Remember= "The Golden Rule" .."Do to others as you want done to you..." Practically everyday you will have to 'network' with many other people...in your neighborhood, in your clubs, in your school, and other places. We must find ways to feed the hungry egos and help others build high self-esteem--- then we will have more peace in society. THE CAUSE OF TURMOIL, CONFLICTS, AND PROBLEMS--- Many scholars, psychologists and authors advocate that the root cause of most of our social problems and bad relationships is our mentality (or level of consciousness) ---patterns of thinking & acting. There are higher levels of mentality, which involve love, achievement, harmony, and success. Basically, the lower levels of mentality are often called 'primitive' or 'animalistic'---and are the cause of most human turmoil. There are 3 levels of consciousness (ways of thinking) that result in most of our problems, such as violence, abuse, addictions, racism, hostility, crime, terrorism, war, etc. The 3 Levels of Consciousness (behaviors) which result in human turmoil can be categorized as follows... a) Greedy materialism b) Sensation-seeking c) Power-seeking in order to dominate others. NEARLY EVERY SOCIAL, MENTAL, & HEALTH PROBLEM CAN BE CATEGORIZED WITHIN ONE OF THESE 3 "CAUSES OF TURMOIL"....FOR EXAMPLE--- * Wife beatings are the result of "seeking to dominate others." * Addictions are caused by "sensation-seeking" behavior. * Racism is an act of both 'greedy materialism' and 'power-seeking.' * Over-eating (obesity) is rooted in "sensation-seeking" actions. WAYS TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS--- * Make other people feel important. * Express appreciation & praise for small acts. * Accept and Approve something in everyone you meet. * Listen to others' ideas & opinions. * Smile...don't be a chronic grouch. * Watch out for hurtful words. If you care about your friends, partners, children, relatives, and co-workers---then, a little work on improving our relationships is in order. COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION... Without being harsh, cruel, judgemental, or threatening, we can learn to communicate well with other people. People who are "bossy" and domineering fail to successfully deal with other people. They attempt to force or manipulate people into doing what they want done. They wonder why other people do not cooperate with them. No one likes to be "bossed" and dominated. An old Indian proverb says something to this effect... "...do not judge another person until and unless you have walked a mile in his moccasins." We must learn positive and compassionate ways to connect with others. One way to begin is to learn to ASK QUESTIONS and then LISTEN. Too often we think we already know what another person thinks, feels, and desires. More often than not, our pre-judgement is INCORRECT. If you want deeper relationships with certain people--- the first step to improvement is 'communication.' We must communicate our feelings, ideas, and deeper issues about ourselves to those who care about us. Everyone desires to be appreciated, loved, and connected. This is one our deepest human emotional needs. Relationships, such as marriages, are not always easy. We must find ways to communicate, inter-act and be involved on a positive plane with other people. *ABOUT FRIENDSHIP: "True friendship is a slow-ripening fruit." ...-Quote from Aristotle It is said that 'love is blind'--but on the other hand... 'friendship is clairvoyant.' Animals make such agreeable friends, because they ask no accusatory questions, they pass no ugly criticisms, and make no harsh judgements of each other. When people have light in themselves, it will shine out from them. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with friendships. Instead of loving your enemies---treat your real friends better. The magnet of unselfishness attracts true friends. A true friend thinks of you--when others are thinking only of themselves. Real friendship is shown in the time of trouble. Prosperity is full of 'fair-weather' friends. Real, honest 'Friendship' is the only cement that will hold this world together. *SOCIAL & RACIAL RELATIONS--- Relationships also exist on a broader social level--- with other groups. One of the most serious problems in this arena has to do with interactions between MEN & WOMEN, BLACKS & WHITES, and between various religions. These types of relationships also require the basic ingredients listed above. Racial problems have increased in our nation since the beginning of the new Century (2000.) The news has been filled with incidents such as the police doing racial profiling and the mess with the O.J. Simpson case. There was the Amadou Diallo shooting in New York and threats made against Minister Farakhan. ANOTHER POTENT EXAMPLE: In Las Vegas, NV (a city that has a fast growing population) the new School Superintendent Mr. Garcia caused a major upset and rift in the community when he used the famous "N-bomb"--- the word "nigger" on the radio. A teenager had asked him: "What do you plan to do about racism in the schools?" Mr. Garcia circumvented the use of intelligence and responded with--- "Niggers come in all colors!" (blah, blah, blah) He never did offer a plan or program in accord with what the young person asked him. Then several weeks later there were numerous other incidents of white teachers and administrators using this foul language--- "nigger." Instead of creating "cultural diversity education" ---they tried to change the definition of the foul word. It was also a very unprofessional approach to education, to say the least. That ugly word "nigger" has historically been used as a derogatory and degrading insult to Black people. There has never been any other standard definition, and when anyone outside the Negro race (Whites especially) say it---it absolutely means something degrading. A lot of Whites try to rationalize the fact that many Black people say "nigger" to each other. This is a cultural phenomena (Ebonics), in which the word actually means the opposite. When Blacks say that word to each other---it has a sense of comraderie, or brotherhood. And what they say is "niggah..." And even so, many Black people do not use this word at all. So to stereotype the entire group of African Americans by lumping them all into one group is really out of line. In addition, Las Vegas has been plagued with racial hostility and dis-harmony for many years, so the Blacks in Vegas are REALLY TIRED of racism being thrown up in their faces--- and Mr. Garcia's remarks set back progress 150 years. Some members of the KKK liked Mr. Garcia's reckless remarks. A handful of white racists wrote letter to editors and posted ugly racist remarks on websites....in essence saying that "niggers are the problem." Many white people expressed that they did not understand why the African Americans were so upset. Well, the big reason was that Black people know from past experience WHO the word "nigger" applies to---regardless of any attempts to change the definition. He had no business using racial slurs on the radio like that anyway. He did not mention other racial slurs---only this one. LEARN MORE ABOUT THE SURGE IN POPULARITY OF INSULTING RACIST CARTOONS....go to: http://mypages.blackvoices.com/museum And African-Americans do come in all colors. What other group of people comes in as many different colors? And Blacks are sensitive to that color issue, because of the past history of White slave masters raping Black women and producing these different skin colors!!! So, most Black people heard him calling them "niggers." People in leadership and authority positions do not need to be experts in Black History to know that they should be very careful when they make racial comments and use racial slurs. Not long after Supt. Garcia's abusive and reckless comments, a White teacher told her class of elementary students: "EEENEE, MEEENEE, MINEE MO CATCH A NIGGER BY THE TOE..." Parents were up in arms at the next School Board meeting! And still many White folks were saying that they could not understand why the Black people are protesting and upset. This is clear example of the communication gap that exists between Black America and White America. White people want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend there is no problem. They want to continue with their stupid and insulting remarks. But, Black folks are sick and tired of this type of hurtful mess. Some of the Black teenagers and young adults have been making sarcastic jokes out of the racist hostility in the schools and they are saying things like--- "The real TRANSLATION OF MR. GARCIA'S COMMENTS: " I ain't prejudice...hell, I love niggers! Everyone should have one..." And since he is a Latino himself--they are joking that maybe we need to check his ID and birth certificate (implying he is probably not a legal alien and swam across the Rio Grande)--- young people are creating sarcastic humor, such as: "EEnie, Meenie, Mineee, MO Catch a "wetback" by the toe--- If he hollers...make him go all the way back to Mexico!" Now the School System is bogged down in lawsuits and discrimination investigations. And even in the light of all this ordeal, the school officials continue to be in a state of 'denial.' It is too bad, but the chickens have come home to roost. Las Vegas now reaps what it has sown for many years. And the light of the sun shines upon everything. IT IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE THAT WORDS DO NOT HURT!! What is the root of this race relations problem? Well, one problem is that White people have chronically and repeatedly promoted the ideas and concepts of "white supremacy" and "White racial superiority"--- to the point of degrading all other ethnic groups, races, and cultures. Many white folks want to "boss" everybody else--- qualified or not---too many white people think that their mere existence on this planet as a White person entitles them to "run the show." Unfortunately, even in personal relationships, too many Whites try to assume the role of "boss" or a "know-it-all." AND AGAIN...A GROUP OF YOUNG PEOPLE PRODUCED A T-Shirt that describes their feelings about this situation. The print on the front of the shirt has illustrations of Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey, Dr. M.L. King, and other Black heroes. It says--- "If you do not like my style, you should have picked your own damn cotton."  ........In reality, our nation has become like a "SALAD BOWL" --consisting of a wide variety of 'ingredients'---lettuce, cheese, croutons, onions, greens, etc. In a salad...no one ingredient has to alter its essence simply to be a part of the salad. Onions do not have to become fake cheese in order to serve as an integral part of the salad. This is a good analogy for the racial diversity that exists in our society. Black people do not have to act like or become "fake white people" in order to participate in the mainstream of America. -----BE WHO YOU ARE:There is a need for all cultures (African, Latino, Asian, etc.) to re-affirm their dignity. There is a need for ethnic groups to learn about their own heritage, ancestors, and roots. Each group must speak its own "cultural truth." Our society has suffered tremendously because of poor relationships between and among various ethnic and racial groups. These disputes are a reflection of our low level of consciousness and lack of regard for human differences. There are basically 2 types of people in relationships: 1---HELPERS 2---HURTERS Some people only put out energy that is harmful, degrading, toxic, under-mining, and destructive. Other people spend their energy in a positive mode--- assisting people, giving help, teaching, training, and building up others. Now that you know this---you can assess the types of peole who surround you in your own life. If your life has been in turmoil (filled with problems) and you desire to change it---consider interfacing with people who are "helpers"---supportive, caring, progressive-minded people. Our modern world is now plagued with RACIAL PROBLEMS, SOCIAL UNREST, WARS, POLITICAL TURMOIL and many other terrible problems. Why? A major part of the situation is the inability to make good relationships. Words have served to divide us and to create conflict. Reckless use of hurtful words, such as: "HONKIES"---"crackers"---"spicks"---"krauts"--- "niggers"-- and many more ARE HURTFUL and they do harm relationships!! Our social problems --e.g. racial conflicts, religious disputes, sexual discrimination (etc.) ---are all rooted in the same causes. ....HURTING OTHER PEOPLE. In order to begin to change this bad situation for the better--every individual needs to take some steps for change! IGNORANCE is the biggest contributor to our social relationship problems. THE RACIAL & RELIGIOUS CONFLICTS IN OUR WORLD ARE A REFLECTION OF ACTS OF OPPRESSION....those who want to hold power over others have perpetrated and promoted institutions, images, programs, and systems that degrade and denigrate the oppressed group(s). A GOOD WORLD IS BASED UPON EDUCATION DESIGNED TO BRING GOOD INTO THE WORLD. A GOOD WORLD IS DEFINED BY: *Happiness *Self-knowledge *Prosperity *Peace & Righteousness *Equality of all human beings. *Truth and dignity. *Achievement & Initiative *Unity & Faith IT IS OUR DUTY TO BRING GOOD INTO THE WORLD. TO DO THAT...WE NEED EDUCATION. HERE ARE A FEW SUGGESTIONS: *Study ancient principles and wisdom. *Learn something. (Knowledge is power!) *Join a club dedicated to bringing about a better world, or help a non-profit group. *Work on yourself---PERSONAL GROWTH activities. *Study and learn about 'cultural diversity'--- meet people of different cultures, races, & nationalities with the goal of creating understanding. *Participate in workshops dealing with relationships and principles of dignity. *FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THIS AUTHOR'S BOOKS. GO TO: http://mypages.blackvoices.com/greatspirit "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS" >>>> The above information, research, and data was obtained from several books and sources. We ask that you also contribute your ideas as to "what makes good relationship..." NOW IT IS YOUR TURN--- IF YOU ARE PARTICIPATING IN THE "WHOLISTIC WORKSHOP ON THE WEB"--- (using the Questionnaire) Write at least 2 paragraphs (no more than one page) on the back of one of the sheets and tell us in your own words---from your experiences--- "WHAT HELPS MAKE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS...? For those who go the extra mile to do this exercise, we will also send you an extra free gift with your "CERTIFICATE ACHIEVEMENT." THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO LEARN MORE ...VISIT: www.maxpages.com/moneytalks LEARN MORE ABOUT WAYS TO HELP MAKE OUR WORLD SAFER FOR DIVERSITY!! |
| Attitude helps determine your "altitude" in life.... |
FRIENDSHIP & CULTURAL HARMONY---like art, music, poetry & sports---CONTRIBUTE great value, enjoyment and pleasure to our survival...and makes life worth living! DEVELOP AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE Attitude is everything when it comes to success. In America we celebrate Thanksgiving this week. It is a time to pause and reflect about what we are grateful and thankful for. Gratitude is the celebration of abundance -- an uplifting, joyous acknowledgement that we are blessed and loved. Gratitude is also a great teacher. Why should we have an attitude of gratitude? We are surrounded daily by unprecedented comfort and freedom. Few of us have to worry about struggling physically each day to meet our basis needs. And yet our daily dialogue rarely reflects appreciation for these gifts. Often our focus is on our lengthy list of "have nots." Complaints, fault finding, and cynicism surround us each day. What can reverse this negativity? Simple Gratitude! Gratitude conquers negativity, envy, and discouragement - When what you have and can achieve is your focus, negative thoughts and feelings are put aside. Gratitude creates a focus on abundance - When you thoughtfully consider all you have, both in things, and things money cannot buy, you will be amazed at the wealth you possess. Gratitude ensures a positive perspective - Compared to the true richness that surrounds you, petty concerns and minor difficulties pale in comparison, and ceases to occupy your thoughts. Gratitude alters the way you see yourself and others - By constantly taking stock of the positives in yourself and others, your vision changes and you become a coach rather than a critic. So how do I develop gratitude? Developing an attitude of gratitude is as easy as expressing it! Attitudes put into practice become changes of heart and mind - they become a way of being. Expressing gratitude may be difficult or uncomfortable for some at first, but soon becomes something you will look forward to with genuine enthusiasm. How do you get started? Be on the lookout for something you are grateful for and share this gratitude with the person that inspired it or in prayer. Write a note to yourself, or someone else, listing the top three things you appreciate about you or them and then mail it - even if you are sending it to yourself. Pick an hour of the day to be especially sensitive to the blessings in your life. At the end of the hour, pick up the phone and share the experience with someone you care about. As expression of gratitude becomes natural and easy to you, you will find your whole lifestyle will be affected. You will attract positive people, and your simple actions will soon begin to bring out the very best in yourself and others. Never underestimate the power of gratitude; after all hasn't someone 'made your day' just by letting you know how much you are valued? You are because you dare. DARE TO DREAM! DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS: CHARACTERISTICS of ...."Women Who Love too Much." * Typically, you come from a home when you were a child in which your emotional needs were not met. Having little real nurturing yourself, you try to fill this unmet need vicariously by becoming a caregiver, especially to men who appear, in some way needy. * Because you were never able to change your parent(s) into the warm, loving caretaker(s) you longed for, you respond deeply to the familiar type of emotionally unavailable man whom you can again try to change through your love. Terrified of abandonment, you will do anything to keep a relationship from dissolving. * Almost nothing he does is too much,--- even if he takes too much time, talks long hours on the phone about nothing, asks you to spend time helping him when you can barely help yourself....or even if his request is too expensive --- if it will "help" the man you are involved with--you will try to do it all for him. SOURCE: the book: "Woman Who Love too Much"...by Robin Norwood READ MORE ABOUT THIS TOPIC ON OUR WEBPAGE CALLED: "sistah2sistah" **'SALAD BOWL SEMINARS'**ONCE YOU HAVE COMPLETED THIS "Wholistic Workshop on the Web" you can learn how to begin to present your own seminars on 'cultural diversity.' TO LEARN MORE ABOUT " cultural harmony, affirmative action, and similar issues--- please visit: http://mypages.blackvoices.com/museum or CONTACT US FOR MORE DETAILS... **************************** "EBONY & IVORY" a book by Melvia Miller is a warm, fun way to address a heavy subject.--- "Good idea: buy at least a dozen copies. These books make a wonderous gift for special occasions...." ~Quote from famous author: Ms. Dottie Walters (author of "SPEAK & GROW RICH") -------------------------------- TO GET MORE INFO...visit this website: www.authorsden.com/melviafmiller If you want more info sent to you by regular mail, please sign our "Guest Book." |
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