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Every time this blonde touched her shoulder, it hurt. Every time she touch her thigh, it hurt. Everywhere
she touched with her finger it hurt! So she went to the doctor and asked what is the matter.
The docter asked if she was a natural blonde and she said yes. The doctor stated to the blonde that she had a broken finger.

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Ok, there's this blonde who wants to buy a TV, so she goes down to the electronics store and tells the
salesman, "Sir, I want to buy this TV." And the salesman goes, "We don't sell to blondes."
So she goes home and dies her hair brown. The next day she comes back, and says to the salesman. "Sir, I want to buy this TV." The salesman says, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
So she goes back home and shaves off her hair and puts on a baseball cap. Later that day she goes back to the electronics store. Once more she says, "Sir, I am going to buy this TV." This time the salesman says, "Look ma'm, I told you, we can't sell to blondes!" The blonde says, "Gosh, I dyed my hair then shaved it! How do you know I am a blonde?"
The salesman: "This is a microwave."

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A man is standing in the street saying 19,19,19,19.
Then this blonde comes and asks him what he is doing he doesn't answer he just keeps saying
19,19,19,19.
So the blonde says well I guess I'll join you. So now there both saying 19,19,19,19.
Then this huge semi comes by and just runs over the blonde.
Then the man starts saying 20,20,20,20.

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A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street. The brunette says, "Look, a dead bird."
The blonde looks up and says, "Where!!"

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Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started
arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are,...very slowly?"
The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr- gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing.

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Farmer John was a sheep farmer. He raised sheep all over his property. One day, a beautiful young brunette came up and asked him, "Farmer John, if I can tell exactly how many sheep you have in your fields, can I have a lamb to take home and raise myself?" Farmer John agreed, knowing wholeheartedly that he had way too many to guess accurately. The beautiful, young brunette told him that he had 376 sheep in his field. Farmer John was beside himself. Being a man of his word, he told her to go and pick out the one she wanted and bring it back to him so he could untag the ear. For about an hour the brunette was out in the field. Finally she returned with her choice. Farmer John looked and her and asked, "Now, can I ask you a question?" The brunette complied. Farmer John asked, "If I can tell you what color your hair was before you dyed it, can I please have my dog back?"

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There was a blond, a brunette, and a redhead riding in a car, and they ran a stop sign and a cop started chasing them. So they got a little farther ahead and saw three burlap bags lying in the ditch. They stopped the car and each of them got into one of the bags. Now, the cop caught up with them and saw the empty car and the three bags. So he went up to the bag with the brunette in it and kicked it. The brunette said "meow, meow", and the cop said, "oh, there's a kitty in this bag. And he kicked the one with the redhead in it and she said, "arf, arf", and the cop said aw, there's a puppy in this bag. Finally, he went up to the bag with the blond in it and kicked it and she said, "potato"
A Blonde girl goes to work one day crying because she found out her mom had just died. Her boss asks her 'What's wrong?? Why are you crying??'. She replies 'I just found out that my mom passed away'. The Boss decides to let her have the day off but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. A few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes in to her office and see's her crying histerically. He asks again 'Why are you crying??' she says 'My sister called saying that her mom died too'.

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This brunette walked into this shoe store for blondes and she noticed that TGIF was on all the shoes, she walked up to the sales clerk and said Gee, blondes must really like Fridays! The clerk said why do you say that? The brunette said because TGIF is on all the shoes! The clerk said Nope that stands for TOES GO IN FIRST!!!

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A painting cotracter was speaking to a woman about a job. She said she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." They walked into the second room and she said she wanted it a soft yellow color. He wrote that down, went to the window opened it and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP." The woman was curious but didn't say anything. They walked into the third room and she said she wanted a warm rose color. The painter wrote that down and went to the window and opened it, he yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." Finally the woman asked, "why do you keep yelling that out the window?" "I'm sorry," he replied, "but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

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There was a fire at the blond's house and she decided to call 911. So she call's 911 all upset and crying " You have to come over and help me my house is on fire." The fireman says "Ok, lady calm down, How do we get there?" The blond states " DUH?? The BIG RED TRUCK.

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There were three people traped on an island: a blond, a brunette, and a redhead.
The redhead looked across the water and estimates the distance to be about 20 miles, so she announces that she is going to try to swim across. She swims 5 miles and gets tired. She swims 5 more before she gets to tired and drowns.
The brunette thinks to herself, "I wonder if I can make it." Out loud she says, "I guess it's better than staying here to starve." So she tries to swim out. She has more endurance than the redhead and she swims 10 miles before she's even tires. She swims 5 more before she drowns.
The blond says, "I wonder if they made it? I guess I better try." So she swims 5,10,19 miles! Just 1 mile from shore she says, "I'm just too tired!" So she turns around and swims back.
There was a blond, a brunette, and a redhead riding in a car, and they ran a stop sign and a cop started chasing them. So they got a little farther ahead and saw three burlap bags lying in the ditch. They stopped the car and each of them got into one of the bags. Now, the cop caught up with them and saw the empty car and the three bags. So he went up to the bag with the brunette in it and kicked it. The brunette said "meow, meow", and the cop said, "oh, there's a kitty in this bag. And he kicked the one with the redhead in it and she said, "arf, arf", and the cop said aw, there's a puppy in this bag. Finally, he went up to the bag with the blond in it and kicked it and she said, "potato"
A Blonde girl goes to work one day crying because she found out her mom had just died. Her boss asks her 'What's wrong?? Why are you crying??'. She replies 'I just found out that my mom passed away'. The Boss decides to let her have the day off but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. A few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes in to her office and see's her crying histerically. He asks again 'Why are you crying??' she says 'My sister called saying that her mom died too'.

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This brunette walked into this shoe store for blondes and she noticed that TGIF was on all the shoes, she walked up to the sales clerk and said Gee, blondes must really like Fridays! The clerk said why do you say that? The brunette said because TGIF is on all the shoes! The clerk said Nope that stands for TOES GO IN FIRST!!!

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A painting cotracter was speaking to a woman about a job. She said she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." They walked into the second room and she said she wanted it a soft yellow color. He wrote that down, went to the window opened it and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP." The woman was curious but didn't say anything. They walked into the third room and she said she wanted a warm rose color. The painter wrote that down and went to the window and opened it, he yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." Finally the woman asked, "why do you keep yelling that out the window?" "I'm sorry," he replied, "but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

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There was a fire at the blond's house and she decided to call 911. So she call's 911 all upset and crying " You have to come over and help me my house is on fire." The fireman says "Ok, lady calm down, How do we get there?" The blond states " DUH?? The BIG RED TRUCK.

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There were three people traped on an island: a blond, a brunette, and a redhead.
The redhead looked across the water and estimates the distance to be about 20 miles, so she announces that she is going to try to swim across. She swims 5 miles and gets tired. She swims 5 more before she gets to tired and drowns.
The brunette thinks to herself, "I wonder if I can make it." Out loud she says, "I guess it's better than staying here to starve." So she tries to swim out. She has more endurance than the redhead and she swims 10 miles before she's even tires. She swims 5 more before she drowns.
The blond says, "I wonder if they made it? I guess I better try." So she swims 5,10,19 miles! Just 1 mile from shore she says, "I'm just too tired!" So she turns around and swims back.

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Q. HOW DID THE BLONDE ALMOST DIE?
A. SHE WAS RIDING A HORSE AND SHE FELL OFF BUT HER FOOT WAS CAUGHT IN THE STURRUP, A K-MART EMPLOYEE HEARD HER SSCREAMING AND SHUT THE MERRY-GO-ROUND OFF.

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A Blond goes to a company party and wins a thermos for the doorprize. she asks her co-worker, "What's a thermos?" He says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." "Oh!"
The next day at work, she brings it with her. Her boss, who is also a blond, says "What's that?" The Blond says "It's a thermos." Her boss asks her, "What's that?"
She says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Her boss asks her, "What do you have in it?"
The blond says, "Two cups of coffee and a pop-sickle."

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Why didn't the blonde change her babys diaper for a month?
Because the package said good for up to one month.

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A blonde was walking on the opposite of the river from a brunette.
The brunette yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
The blonde hesitates, looks back and replies, "You ARE on the other side!"

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A blonde goes in to apply for a job and she fills out an application. She takes it up to the man and he says you forgot three blanks. He asks how old are you, so she counts on her fingers and finaly reaches 22, okay then how tall are you so she tries to measure herself she says 5'2, okay then what is your name, she nodes her head back and forth for a few seconds and says Jennifer. He says okay I get how you got your
age and your height, but how you you get your name by noding your head back and forth, she says I was singing "Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jennifer.

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There were a blonde and a brunette driving and the brunette goes to the blonde"go check my blinker!"
"Does it work?"
Blonde:
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"No"

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There was a blonde who walked into a hair salon to get her hair done. she said to the man "Please, I would like you to perm my hair, I'm getting sick of it!" "Alright ma'm said the hair dresser, "but I need you to take off your headphones first"
"No I can't said the blonde "I have to keep them on" "Fine said the man. So he did the perm then the lady left. About two months later, the lady comes back in asking for her hair to be highlighed. The man said okay but she would have to take off the headphones. But she insisted that she keep them on.
The man did her hair then put her under the dryer. About 10 minutes later, she was fast asleep. The man was curious as to why the headphones were so important. So he took them off her head and she stoped breathing. He put the headphones on and the tape said "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in breathe out...."

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Three Blondes sitting at a bar. They were all chanting over and over "51 days...yes....51 days"...They were all so happy with each other. The bartender was starting to become a bit curious when this occured for quite a period of time.
He asked "You have been sitting here for 3 hours and all you say is 51 days...tell me why would three young ladies be sitting at a bar chanting 51 days ?"
"Well" replied on the girls"We today we completed a jigsaw puzzle that took us 51 days"
"So!" replied the bartender.
"Well...on the box it says 3 - 5 years !"

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A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts: "Can't you see I'm winning?!"

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One day the Social Studies teacher asked a blonde to name all the capitals in the United States Of America.
The blonde said easy U.S.A.

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What is it when you hear this:
vroom. screach. vroom. screach. vroom. screach.?
A blonde at a blinking stoplight.

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A blonde was going to Paris and she had a coach seat. When she got on the plane she sat in first class. A stewardess came and told her to go into coach. She said she didn't have to. Another stewardess came and said if she didn't go in coach she would get the co-piolit. She said she wouldn't move. The co-piolit came and whispered something in her ear and she got up went to coach. The other two asked how he did it and he said he told her this part of the plane wasn't goin to Paris.

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BLOND INVENTIONS
1. The solar power flashlight
2. Dehydrated water
3. Fire proof matches

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
What was she doing there in the first place?
Raking leaves

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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ...
we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ...
we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

If you have any more good blonde jokes you want on this page then email them to me at SelenaSAL@aol.com .

SelenaSAL@aol.com

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Page Updated Sun Jul 15, 2001 1:11pm EDT